|Thor Odinson (tordenguden) wrote in avengers_logs,|
@ 2019-04-12 15:27:00
|Entry tags:||-complete, jane foster, thor odinson|
Who: Thor and Jane
What: Discussions about the future
Rating: Red for medical things
It was supposed to be a good day. The elders had (finally) all agreed to a tentative work plan and a blueprint to how the new settlement should look. Thor hadn't necessarily wanted to go to Norway, but he had his phone, Jane wanted to go to her lab, and well -- he needed to get out. It was getting to him, everything. Strange's conversation hadn't actually helped, in fact it'd made him feel even more useless. He needed to go and touch the land with his own hands, do something that he knew he could succeed in.
So off he went with his brother to explore the new location and lose himself in the plans to rebuild Asgard. There was so much to think about -- the infrastructure, the engineering, the location of the family, the farming, the tilling, the storage ... it was mind-boggling but thankfully Loki, who always took the best notes, had portfolios full of hte information from the Elders. Together, the two of them walked every inch of their new home, made occasional changes to the landscape (and by the Norns, it felt good to reach down in the ground and lift an entire tree), while in the background, the tinny voice of Taylor Swift could be heard from his cellphone, which obviously was working in the music was working. Thor would later learn that no, the two items were not indicative of the other. With the sun setting, he realized quickly that almost an entire day had passed, which wasn't bad -- after all, it was probably only 4 pm in New York, which meant Jane would be finishing her work day.
It wasn't until Loki and Thor landed at the Asgardian complex did his phone start beeping. Text messages, voicemails, everything started flooding in and Thor was left standing, looking at his phone with confusion while Loki started explaning things like 'magical barrier' and 'oh oops technology might not work' and 'oh well aren't you going to answer that?'. Bringing the phone to his ear, he listened and listened as the blood coursed out of his face, leaving a weakness in his body that he'd never felt before. Jane was in the hospital. Jane had collapsed at the lab and was at the hospital. Jane had been admitted and Tony was with her. Barely able to get words out, Thor rushed to the hospital and was ushered into her room where he felt his heart literally crush in his chest.
There were tubes, and noises and wires and things , so many things with no words. He cursed Strange, who had counseled not to say a word to Jane about magic and it's potentially healing properties – or so Thor had understood in the conversation. In reality, he had been so upset during that conversation, he probably had missed some of the nuances. This had to be done. He sat next to her bed, and waited until she woke up. When she did, he would finally say his peace. It should have been a normal. Jane had plans to go into her lab while Thor made a trip to Norway to work on the site of the new Asgardian homestead. Thor was nervous about being so far away Jane knew but she was between treatments and he needed the break. He would never say anything but it was written in the lines around his eyes or the set of his shoulders.
There wasn't a handbook for how to handle life when your partner became your caretaker, especially not where there was already a power imbalance as large as human and Asgardian. Thor promised not to let this change the way he looked at her but carrying her to bed the nights she couldn't get up off the bathroom floor changed the dynamic. The odd way he'd reacted to her cutting her hair had settled in Jane's stomach like a lead balloon. So much so that she was too nervous to cut her hair at home and had gone to a salon. Doing that alone, Jane had missed Darcy desperately. Everyone working in the salon and half the customers there were ind, telling her she was beautiful and brave and strong. Jane didn't feel brave. She felt like she was performing maintenance, like getting an oil change. And also like wanting to cry. So yes, they both could use a little bit of normal.Thor would go to Norway, Jane would go to the lab and that evening they'd talk about what they'd done at work like it was any other day.
She'd awoken feeling tired, a fun oxymoron of life she'd come to know over the last month, a bit achey. Thor checked on her before he left but Jane was determined to work today, There had been so few work days lately. Jane wanted to be in a place she belonged and doing her work - there was still so much of it to accomplish and she was running out of time. The walk into the building and from the elevator was even harder today. Supporting herself with a hand along the wall and stopping occasionally to catch her breath, Jane made it into her lab. The morning's work was difficult. The numbers didn't come to her as easily as usual, the fogginess of chemo brain not clearing up like she expected. Body aches progressed to chills, She had a pounding headache and it was still hard to catch her breath if she moved around too much. Kind of a problem when working on equipment.
Then everything went grey.
Jane woke up with the EMTs. Friday alerted emergency services as well as Tony, who stayed with her first in the emergency room and then as she was admitted into Columbia Media Center. Tests, blood draws, her hematologist-oncologist came in. The eventual diagnosis was an infection, the kind of simple bug most people fought off with no problem but she was struggling with due to a low blood count. She collapsed from fever and dehydration. She would need a blood transfusion to bring up her blood count and then monitoring to make sure her fever came down and there were no complications from the transfusion. Jane could expect four or five days in the hospital if nothing went wrong. Transfusion wasn't a quick process and Jane spent the last part of the afternoon hooked into blood and waiting to hear from Tony if there was any word from Thor. The transfusion was tiring, all that blood making her fell heavy and sluggish. Jane's eyes drifted shut and when she opened them again, there was Thor. "Hey," she said, voice low and sleepy. "Did you chase away Tony?"
"He left when I arrived," Thor answered back quietly. It seemed this room practically asked for silence, with all the machinery and people walking on tiptoes. Tentatively, he reached out and curled his hand over hers. It felt so much smaller than it usually did, and Thor chalked that up to the fraility he was witnessing.
This had gone on far too long, but it would serve no purpose to get angry. He'd had time to process what Strange had said, come to terms with a few things. But not this. Never this. "How are you feeling?" Stupid question, but one he wanted the answer to. The doctors hadn't really said much to him, equal parts star-struck and hesitant, perhaps bordering on terrified. He could understand that. He was not in the best of moods when he arrived. Jane moved her arm as Thor took her hand, careful not to pull on her IV too much. "Tired," she said honestly. There were dark circles under Jane's eyes, standing out from her pale skin. Everything still ached. "Are you okay?" Jane glanced at the window to check the weather. "How long have you been here?"
How long had he been there? He had no idea. Since receiving the call, he'd remained in an almost deadened state of shock, unable to really process anything. Glancing around the room, he realized there was no clock so finally, he shrugged. "A while," he said, reaching up to stroke her face with his hand. "I'm so sorry, my love. I'm sorry you couldn't reach me. I wasn't aware that there was magic in place, interfering with my phone. I swear to you, this will never happen again." Jane reached up and placed her hand over his, cradling Thor's hand to her face. There was a hollow under her cheekbone now, an empty place that hadn't been there before but it made a good resting place for his palm, wide and comforting. She wondered if her fever had come done or if her skin would still be warm under Thor's touch. "They had me off for the transfusion for a long time. There wasn't much you could do."
"That's not true," Thor said, trying to ignore the feel on her bones under his hand. "Jane...elskede..it doesn't have to be this way. You're not getting better. Please, I..."
He hesitated and slowly pulled his hand away, resting it on her thigh instead. This was harder than he'd thought but he had to do
Swallowing thickly, he tried again. "I understand you do not wish to wed. I have honoured that, although marriage would be the easiest way to grant you immortality... regardless. Magic. Magic can save you, save you from all of this. Loki and Eir have discovered a way, they believe it could work.". He looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. "Please. Try it."
Thor looked heartbroken and scared, not unlike the way he'd looked on some of her bad nights over the last few weeks. Jane hated this hospital bed that had Thor so unsure of what to do with his hands. She'd rather have his big warm bulk in beside her. Maybe spooned in behind her with his chin on the top of her. Right now Jane was feeling very cold and very tired and very alone.
"I don't understand." He'd floated the idea of marriage once before as what Jane understood to be a way to reassure her he would not abandon her. Thor had made no proposal and Jane had dismissed the suggestion. She had no desire for the melodramatic idea that she needed to marry in order to prove she lived a full life before she died. Now here was the same idea but immortality too and magical cures. Jane wasn't sure if Thor really was making no sense or if that was the fogginess of exhaustion and a body heavy with blood.
"You're missing data, jumping around in your analysis. Hand me that cup of water please and explain from the beginning."
Hadn't he? It was hard to remember what he'd said, and what he hadn't, what with all the conversations he'd been having with Loki and Val.
And what Jane was implying was advice Val had given right from the beginning -- just talk to Jane. Let her know everything. "Asgardians are ...fairly secretive by nature. We do not share information readily, we do not...announce theoretical things. If I say something, it's because I mean it, I've thought about it, I've looked at all the possible outcomes and ramifications. I know most people think I act before I think ...this...well, it has some truth to it, but I have tried harder in this regard."
Thor cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "Loki has access to a golden apple, gifted by the goddess Idun. It can grant immortality, health, all that comes with it but you must perform a feat of heroics, or complete the trials before a wedding with an Aesir. It is not something to take lightly, although as I have said many times, and I apologize if I wasn't every clear enough -- I would marry you in a second, Jane, even if you didn't want the apple. The other option is the soulforge, which our healer, Eir, whom you have met before, has devoted much time and effort into. As a scanner, they can pinpoint with accuracy exactly what needs to be healed. With Loki's assistance, they also believe they have created a magic strong enough to heal you. It would not be instant, but it would be better than what is happening now. I have kept quiet this while because I have been counselled to allow you the opportunity you need to heal on your own. I have done so, against my better judgement, and you have been weakened considerably. I worry that if this continues, even the Soulforge will not be adequate."
He paused and tried to think if there was anything else he was missing. "Did I provide you with enough data?"
"Quantum field generator." Jane had seen Asgard's version of an MRI machine on her only trip to Asgard when she'd been infected with the Aether. The reason she was here.
"That's a lot to talk about. Explains why you were so upset about my hair." Not just her hair but what it represented. As she thought, her hand moved to toy awkwardly with her hair but it was gone. "But so much. Wow. Okay. Magic apple. Why do you have to be married? Seems kind of old-fashioned and," Jane paused to catch her breath before she continued, "My immortal or yours? You're not really immortal." Humans considered them gods but Aesir could be killed and would eventually grow old and die the same as any other creature.
Jane looked at Thor. "I can't tell. Are talking about this or is this the world's worst proposal?"
He couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my love, if I was proposing, it would not be in a hospital room. I believe you made it very clear that a bedside proposal was not what you wanted. Now I know I will have to aspire to greater heights, and I assure you I will." His smile softened slightly as he continued to talk. "Marriage is old-fashioned, I agree, but the belief has always been that we marry once. My father, for all his faults and wanderings, remained devoted to my mother. There was no talk of dissolving their partnership, and I truly believe they are together in Valhalla now. And as for your other question, well, immortal is the wrong word but the only one I can think of. I am no silvertongue like my brother. I should probably have said long-lived, like an Aesir." Tentatively, he reached for her hand again, and gently stroked it. "I cannot think of another person I would like to be with."
The smile now turned sad. "Please Jane. Consider what I have to say."
Jane wasn't against marriage, she simply didn't want a marriage like it was a consolation prize for dying or not dying. Marriage to Thor wasn't something she had ever considered. It was impractical. He was always going to go back to Asgard and if not, their lifespans were never compatible. Now he was offering her 5,000 years. Right now she was dying. It was enough to make her head spin. Or maybe that was just the headache.
"That's not something I ever thought possible. Living that long? It sounds crazy."
Before she could continue, they were interrupted by the nurse. She checked Jane's vitals, introduced her replacement on the night shift, and took Jane's meal order for the next day. Apparently Jane's oxygen levels were improving but her fever, "is creeping back up so we'll be keeping an eye on that tonight."
Jane was even more tired when they left. ""What about the magic? How does that work?"
Thor tried not to let her question bring him cheer and hope but he visibly perked up when she said it. "I will be honest- - I'm not entirely sure. My brother would have better answers for you than I. Suffice it to say, we believe it would completely cure your body of your illness, and allow you to regain your health. It would not make you perfectly as you were before, rather it will rely on your natural healing ability."
He blinked at her and swallowed. "And as far as I know, it would not alter your humanity. You would still remain a mortal, thoroughly."
"Just me? Does it only work once?" Could she betray her own people that way? Wash she prepared to be that selfish to save her own life? "If Asgardian tech can cure cancer, and I'm the only who ever gets the cure, how do I live with myself?"
Thor hesitated slightly before answering. He wished he had spoken to his brother about more details. "I do not know that it specifically cures cancer," he began, trying to get the words out. "From what I understand, it will target whatever ails you, but only you specifically. Your information will have to be added to the soulforge, and they have to alter it from Asgardian physiology to make it work properly. From there a medical regime can be created. This is why you will not be completely healed, but healed enough so that your body can continue on to reach its point of health."
He didn't even know if it would work again, quite honestly. It had taken Eir and Loki since Jane's diagnosis to even come this far, and it was due to their relentless search for answers. "It is a very specific type of magic routed in science, which makes thing complicated. I cannot make the choice for you, my love. You are the only one who can live with this; however, I implore you to understand -- technology, magic, what have you, there is a reason why it is not freely given..."
Jane's head was spinning. Did this mean finishing chemo and radiation? "I know you don't want anything to happen to me. I want that too and I want to do the right thing and I don't feel well right now. It's all ... a lot."
"Do not feel as if you have to answer now.". Thor hurriedly tried to reassure her. "Only you know the timespan you have left, and the pressures you face." He swallowed hard. "Please do not wait too long though, elskede. I will remain by your side whether it is for a few days or several millenia. Believe me when I say that...but I would prefer the millenia."