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Thor Odinson (tordenguden) wrote in avengers_logs, @ 2019-02-18 21:55:00

Who: Thor and Jane
What: Thor needs to talk to Jane
When: soon after Thor's talk with Loki
Rating/Warnings: red, medical issues.



The apartment seemed quiet and cold. "Jane?" Thor entered cautiously, trying his best not to make too much noise. He hoped she was resting. Or fighting. Or researching. Or maybe laughing. Anything other than that resignation he'd seen on her face the day before. "My love?"

There was no response, not even the soft sounds of Jane asleep in the bedroom. Besides Severus the cat, no one was home and the apartment was undisturbed. No lingering smell from a morning cup of coffee or a dirty cereal bowl in the sink.Just the emptiness of a place where Jane was not. She did return home not too long after Thor's arrival, before the morning sun had a chance to rise too much towards afternoon in the grey and dreary sky.

Jane shrugged out of her coat, revealing the same clothes she'd been wearing when Thor saw her yesterday, hair a mess, and circles under her eyes. She looked at Thor a long, long moment, then went to refill Severus' food and water dishes. "It stopped raining," she observed.

"Yes." Thor didn't quite know what else to say. He hadn't expected her to not ‎ be there, but he could understand why she'd gone out. Why stay there, in an apartment she'd never felt comfort from, when all she needed was comfort. He gave her a small smile from where he was sitting in the armchair. "I...was not myself yesterday."

"I don't know about that," Jane said, raising her eyebrows. She gave Severus a scritch around the ears and sat down. Back on the couch and in the same clothes from the night before, this might have been the same conversation from the night before. As if they'd been stuck here this whole time. "You sounded exactly like yourself." Last night had been awful but on reflection but on reflection, it had gone about the way she would have expected.

"I should not have made the moment about me, and my wants. This is your illness, and I am merely here to support you through your journey. I was selfish." He looked up to her and sighed. "But I also cannot change how I feel. Jane, as I said yesterday, you are the love of my life. Those are not words I use lightly. I cannot fathom not being by your side. You forget, I am a warrior. I have seen things that I would never wish for you to know." Thor swallowed thickly. "Please, elsked -- let me be here for you."

"You have seen a lot," Jane agreed. "And more tragedy than is fair even for your lifetime. "You've sacrificed so much already." She looked into his mismatched eyes, one brown, one blue. "I don't want to be just another thing you lose."

"I do not want to lose you before I have to," was his only response. Even with everything she had said yesterday, it was the one truth he had. If they were only allowed a handful of months (and he would not bring up the apple, not yet) then he wanted to be with her.‎

"I'm trying to make this as easy for you as I can. So you don't suffer when - when it happens." Jane pressed her eyes closed for a moment. "You don't know what this is like. It's not pretty. And I - I don't think I could stand to see you look at me as this sick thing for you take care of and not the way you look at me now."

"I will never look at you any different." He tilted his head and smiled at her. "Jane. Please. Do not shut me out...come and sit with me, my love. "

If Jane was fully committed to ending things before things got bad, she wouldn't have gotten up. Wouldn't have crossed over to Thor and taken a seat not beside him but curling up in n his lap, settling with her head against his shoulder.

Except she did.

"You don't know that," she sighed, peeking up at him from under her bangs. "You haven't seen what it's like. The treatment I'm going to have do - I told you. Too sick to eat anything if I can keep any food down at all, I'm going to lose all my hair, too sick to be with you... Everything we are, the way things are now. That's over. It's all going to be different now."

Thor wrapped his arms around her, and rested his chin against the top of her head. "Then we'll be different together." He sat in silence, enjoying the feel of her next to him while he tried to think of how to say what he wanted to say. It wasn't that he felt he had to be more cautious, but he wanted her to know he had thought about this before, and it wasn't prompted by this finality.

"Midgardian marriage vows include a piece on supporting one another through sickness and health. Although Asgardians do not include the same language, we have the same intent in our ceremony. I know we haven't really...discussed ...that... surely you must know it has always been my dream to see you standing by my side as the Queen you are."

"No." The word was out of Jane's mouth almost before Thor had finished speaking. "I'm not a - I was never going to be - why would you want to do that? I was never going to be around. And now to do some.. some walk to remember," Thor wouldn't understand the reference but it was the only thing Jane could think of, "and then be gone in a few months? I don't want that."

A walk to remember? "I'm not sure I know what you're speaking of. Would I find it on Stark's urban dictionary?"‎

"What?" Jane laughed, weak but a laugh. "No, it a movie and uh, uh a book. About a boy who meets a girl dying from cancer. He does things so she can do the things she always wanted to before... you know. At the end they get married. And then she dies."

Thor thought that was actually a good idea, but he wasn't going to say that. Jane wouldn't die. It wouldn't happen. They'd get through this. She would get through this. He had to stop making this journey about himself. "Well, this is real life and not a made up story. I am at your bidding. I only wish to be with you. The rest will fall into place.". His eternal optimism had come back and was refusing to be bated.

"I don't what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She tucked her hair back away from her face to look up at him. "I'm I'm trying to make it so that you're okay when this happens."

"I don't know if there is anything you are supposed to do....I can only offer Asgardian solutions." He reached down and caressed her cheek with a hand. "And to be honest, I do not have the authority to guarantee the most... well, the solution that I think would solve everything. I want to do what you want to do..."

"I don't know what I want." There was a shake in Jane's voice now. Her eyes screwed tightly shut but tears were starting to leak from the corners. "I don't know. I didn't want you to have to se me like what's coming but I don't know if I can do this by myself I'm just...I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen to me and I'm really really scared."

The worst thing on any realm was watching a loved one cry. Thor hated seeing Jane cry. Hated it. "Must you determine it now? Can you not allow yourself time to process this, mull decisions over before going forward? Allow yourself to be scared. All that sadness to wash over you. I will not leave your side. "

Time wasn't exactly on her side. Jane turned a little further in Thor's lap, burying her face into the crook of Thor's neck. Her shoulders shook and Thor's collar was wet. Her voice was shaky, breath warm against Thor's skin when she spoke. "I don't want to leave you." Whether that was from last night's breakup attempt or the real dangers of her diagnosis she didn't say.

Thor couldn't help the small smile on his face. " Then we are in agreement, and I can feel some relief. Together, I am confident we can face anything as it comes. You should rest," he added suddenly. "It has been a taxing few days, and you will need your strength for the days that come......would you like to return to my home or do you wish to stay here? It is your decision, I simply know how much you detest this apartment." He was trying to stay light with his tone, even if he was hoping she'd agree to go with him.

Jane was going to have to make a million different decisions in the next few days. Where she was going to stay was going to be a problem. She would need help and care and Thor had kingdom of responsibilities. It wasn't Asgard's job to wait on her. That was only the tip of the iceberg. So many practicalities. But Jane didn't know if she could solve anymore of them today. Just deciding to keep Thor with her had been exhausting.

"How much time do you have?" she asked, peeling away from neck and wiping water from her face. "Can we go home? My place in Puente Antigua? I missed you this week and even if it's only for the day, I want to go home with you."

"Loki has agreed to step in for me over the next couple of days Puente Antigua is fine." He glanced down and brushed a tear off her cheek. "Do you wish to go now?"

"Let me clean up and get Severus into his carrier. Then yeah. We can go." She didn't get up though, reaching up to curl her hand against Thor's cheek, feeling the scratch of his beard. Her thumb traced the corner of his mouth and she leaned in to follow it, pressing her mouth against his. "Hey," she breathed. "I love you."

"And I you," he responded, deepening the kiss. He was cautiously thrilled that she was reaching out, considering how closed off she'd been over the last few days. Things would get harder before they got better, he knew that, but in the back of his mind, he couldn't stop thinking of the apple. How would he approach that topic? And what if he couldn't convince her to seek a magical solution? Thor didn't want to think about that. He just wanted to get to Puente Antigua, to let her start to relax and gather her thoughts away from everyone. It was a start though.