Eddie Drake (autotune_less) wrote in assimliowls, @ 2012-06-04 15:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | *june, edward entwhistle, eloise lupin |
Ellie
Forgive me for the length of this letter if it gets long. There's a lot I want to get off my chest and if I don't do it now, I'm probably going to chicken out of it forever. For years, you have been really close to my family and, more importantly, close to Sarah. Even though we were in different houses, I always felt like I could never spend enough time with you. That was years ago, true, but it was nothing new for me. I have always thought you were special and so different from everyone else. I thought you were amazing. The more you hung around my sister, the more I realized that was true. Even though you were my sister's best friend, I couldn't help but smile when you were around. I always thought that was going to be a quick crush and I would simply move on. That wasn't the case.
Jump to a few years later. We were graduating and I was determined to become part of something that would catch your eye. I join Cheer, which became the greatest group of friends I could have ever gained. During that time I tried branching out and talking to other people. Sure some girls were nice and cool, but no one seemed to be on your level. So, I simply stopped trying. Why bother settling for someone that wouldn't make me happy. That's when people started wondering if I was gay. You seemed to be the only person not convinced that it was why I refused to date people. Maybe that was a big reason why I was able to do so well in school, but the only distraction on my mind was you.
Then last year... everything that happened. I was so scared. I was terrified that I would never see you again. For the first time, I was actually able to admit to Sarah why it is that no one compared. And I started preparing to tell you. I kept backing out because I didn't want to see your face when you were appalled. For years, I have been saying this to you and I've always known you don't mean it the same way. It hurt to hear you reply, but a friend is better than nothing. But it's time for me to say it because if I don't, I will never be able to move on. Ellie, I love you. Not in a friend way. Not in a sibling way. Or a cousin way... or any other variation other than romantically. I don't need a reply back, I just needed you to know. I miss you and hopefully I will get to see you again.
Eddie