Ask Rose

Dear Rose,

I'm a 40-something straight male married to a 40-something straight female who happens to be my second cousin and a psychotic screaming harpy. Mostly, things are pretty good with my marriage. I mean, admittedly, I'm somewhat afraid that she'll kill me in my sleep, but most of the time it's only somewhat.

We both come from an extremely old and wealthy family - the same one, because we're second cousins. When we got married, she didn't have to change her last name. I cope with this situation by being an alcoholic lothario. My wife is okay with that, but she does threaten my life slightly more often when the indiscretions occur. We've only had sex three times during the course of our marriage - an arrangement that is ideal for both of us - once as a pro forma consummation of our marriage, and twice to produce heirs. We have two children together, but one of them eventually neglected the family code and ran away to be a homosexual in what we assume is a boy band. His uncle was also a homosexual, and this, I believe, is where he caught it from.

What can we do to prevent our second child from suffering a similar fate?

Sincerely,
Toujours Pur