Arda: Genesis

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Sunday, June 8th, 2008
6:24 pm

For everything I give him, he seems pleased. There is a shadow behind the look in his eyes that tells me it's not enough, so I give him more. Each time, a little more.

And still, it's not enough.

It's uncomfortable and thrilling at the same time to ponder and speculate about the hidden dark depths of his desire and to wonder how far he'll go... or how far I will. It's becoming a contest of wills to see who'll bridge the gap first. I'm deluding myself of course, implying we're on an equal footing. On the other hand, I know how stubborn I can be-him, I haven't fully tested.

I don't think I'm quite ready to sell my soul.


All right, that's it. I'm cracking up.
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
10:04 am

I'm standing on a precipice; a narrow one, with an abyss on either side. The relentless wind buffets my back, uncertain in its quest to buoy me up or dash me to the rocks below.

(I'm also wallowing in melodramatic, metaphorical pretentiousness and it makes me want to hurl. Ooh, visual aid.)

I don't like fine lines, but I could learn to enjoy the entertainment aspect. At least my disgust has a practical outlet now, instead of the endless corrosion of my own entrails. And I look good wearing a smug smile.

I'll be introspective to a nauseating degree and interrogate myself about the uncharacteristic balancing act because it'd be nice to know if it's a weakness or self-preservation or both. And then there's the fact that my new convictions come with a much higher possibility of death by slow deliberate torture. Turn-on or turn-off? Hm.

current mood: uncomfortable
Monday, June 2nd, 2008
10:25 am

Do they wonder where I go?

It's hard to believe that they can't tell. Or choose not to. Perhaps all that lofty idealism clouds one's vision? What an ironic handicap.

He's begun to tell me his plans and I feel privileged. I tell him things in return and he acts interested; as if these tiny observances are Important. Of course they're not and I find myself listening for significant things to pass on to him without being asked. For reasons I cannot completely fathom, this disgusts me. It's definitely not out of loyalty to them, fuck no. Possibly shoe leather is an acquired taste.

I have obsessive dreams of him taking me. They generally end with me sliding a knife between his ribs at the exact moment that he splits me in half.

current mood: discontent
7:47 am

He hasn't touched me in a long while, not since that first kiss or that last beating.

I mean physically, of course.

And then there is the way he reaches inside me with unseen fingers, gathering up the stray ends of my Music, gently caressing and coiling every strand securely into his grasp before he tightens it and twists relentlessly. It is agony. It is ecstasy. Somehow it feels obscene that it should be both.

And then there is the way he comes up silently behind me, tilting his head so close that the heat of his breath scorches the skin of my neck and flows like lava into my ear. I close my eyes and I'm not the type to swoon, but there's always a first time.

And then he starts to whisper, with words that say nothing and mean everything. Soothing and seductive, instructive and edifying. Manipulative. Predatory. Arousing. All of that.

My hand couldn't begin to satisfy the ache, so I don't even try.

That's the point, I think.

current mood: reflective
current music: Melkor
Monday, February 18th, 2008
4:16 pm

*wanders out into the empty plains that encompass Arda for probably about the umpteenth time*

'Think about it' he says. 'I'll be in touch' he says. *calls out* Yeah? Well it's been bloody days weeks months and where the fuck are you? You know what? Just forget it. JUST FUCKING FORGET IT.

current mood: pissed off

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Friday, February 8th, 2008
1:14 pm

*hasn't seen Mairon in a while*

*checks his room* *strike one!*

*checks the common room* *strike two!*

*checks Aulë's smithy* *strike three!*


...Mairon? Where are you?

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Sunday, January 27th, 2008
9:51 am

*has been quite the model of Maiar-ly behavior lately, doing all of Aulë's mundale little tasks without protest and basically staying out of trouble*

*consequently, feels as though he might explode at any second*

*takes a long walk out by the mountains and finds his thoughts dwelling on a certain rebellious Vala*

current mood: bored to tears

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Saturday, January 12th, 2008
3:12 pm

*really hasn't had anything to do, since there aren't any flowers about yet*

*does like playing around in the superheated slag as the earth-Maiar melt the various ores down, though*

*has also discovered another treat: water + fire-Maia = hot hot hot spring!* :D

current mood: pleased

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