Steve Rogers (defrosted) wrote in angellogs, @ 2017-11-19 20:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, !trigger warning, noah fon ronsenburg, steve rogers (captain america) |
Who: Steve Rogers, Noah
When: Current, probably in between Steve and Thor's quick wedding plans
Where: The magic of e-mails
What: Noah writes to Steve asking for some help. He gets some conversation with Steve regarding the Thor and Aedan situation, and similar life circumstances later on. Noah’s kind of uncomfortable describing what it was like when his mother passed on, but it does help when you’re talking to someone who’s seen similar things.
Rating/Warnings: Mentions of dubious consent / rape involving a minor, implications of poor conditions after a war
Status: Complete
Master Steve Rogers,
I’m a bit - writing letters is always a mess of trying to find the exactly correct titles and manners. I spent too long in the army, so I can write an instant report and try to cover the people who should be in glory or admit to faults, but it’s useless when it comes to something as civilian as a casual note without ranks and the like.
I heard from Balthier that you might be the sort to hear “a problem” and assume you must commit yourself to trying to assist in it. This is a problem more in that I would love the honor of some advice, but I think trying to coax your assistance would put you in an uncomfortable spot.
Your fiancee, Master Thor, has - had two occasions where he’s gone to Aedan Vael and implied that he does not like the child, and that he is glad that Tony Stark, your former housemate, has ceased their relationship. The first time he did this was after Tony abandoned Aedan after begging Aedan to come to him when everyone was feeling poorly. The second time was recently, in response to Aedan posting, drunk, at a birthday party. Just earlier, Thor posted a statement where he declared that everyone responding to him was far too rude, and that he wasn’t intending any offense.
While I have no problems with Thor disliking whoever he chooses to, I think his statements go beyond just mild declarations to the point of being bad for Aedan’s peace and perhaps offensive. I’m not from his world, or yours, or even this world. However, Aedan agreed he’d prefer that Thor and Tony both act differently, and Aedan’s father has expressed unease.
I, wisely or foolishly, told Thor that I didn’t like his actions. I was not incredibly rude (in the sense that there were no threats of violence or rude language) but I was offended, and not incredibly polite. I do not know what is polite for him. Later, he responded to Arno, Aedan, and myself with a single comment. He brought up Tony’s past, and made allusions that Aedan and Tony had both been hurt.
… Here is where things become complex. Tony and Thor have been in situations where there have been threats toward Aedan. They, of course, do not have to remember this, or care about it the way that Aedan’s father might, or some random man living in Aedan’s house.
Now, Aedan was in, from what he said, a friends who occasionally have sex relationship with Tony, which has ended by Tony’s choice. Aedan has not pursued Tony, or commented on Tony’s present relationship. I can name three people off the top of my head who’ve appeared and told the Vaels or Aedan himself that Tony’s still interested in Aedan in a friendly way. It’s none of my business what Aedan wants, but he’s implied that he has zero interest in sex or friendship right now with Tony. So this fixation on Aedan’s aptness as a friend to take to bed might be interpreted as verging on unwelcome.
You might know of Thor’s homeland, and his culture, and how he thinks, and you might be able, if you’re willing, to help me accomplish - at the minimum, a request that Thor stop . . . stop assuming that his intentions of a lack of harm mean that he’s not causing offense. Neither him nor Tony have acted like welcome friends, knocking at my door, and bringing good wishes.
I can lay out why I’m not happy, but - I do not even know if you want to hear me out. I can lay out, in simple terms, what I’d love to have happen, but - that is not your job to translate a hope into reality.
I can lay out why I’m feeling disturbed and angry, and wishing I was more rude, if I wasn’t going to be listened to either way, but that’s hardly trying to be polite. Sebastian was hoping you might be willing to mediate in some manner, and perhaps even bend Thor’s ear.
You see what I mean? I am hardly doing this properly, trying to write a polite and careful letter, and not ask too much of you.
Can you excuse that, and read between the lines?
Noah
***
Noah-
..fon Ronsenburg, isn’t it? And Judge if you’re still using that or not, given you’d been leaving that life behind you. I know the feeling. Give me a ranking system I’m familiar with, or that has equivalents, and enough of the right forms to do a report, and we might all be in better shape right now. Between us, we could probably put some damage into things.
...Which is all a lot of trying to hammer out an introduction that seems well intentioned before we start talking about other intent, and the reason you’re writing. And probably seems a lot too giddy given that we’re talking about something incredibly serious here.
And I definitely want to help. This whole thing is getting out of hand, and I don’t actually think that’s on any end but ours. A lot of it seems to stem from Thor’s protectiveness over Tony, which isn’t exactly rational at times. And he does seem, for some reason, to have decided Aedan is a threat, which strikes me as ridiculous, given he’s dealing with some pretty serious physical things that I’ve seen people mentioning. As the guy who was underweight and out of shape at his age, it’s a LOT to have to deal with, and I don’t exactly think he presents any sort of threatening picture. It’s hard to try imagining anyone WANTING to do much of anything but get on with your life and trying to help people as much as you can when you’re like that. Especially, considering that Aedan’s already involved in the stealth executions of evil people cult, which don’t get me wrong, seems like a good idea to me. the group of people that he works with, whose goal, well, when they aren’t occasionally all celebrating something, of course, is just that.
I think it’s not exactly RUDE that you’re standing up for Aedan in a situation like this one. I’d stand up for most of my people in most cases, but especially it came to things like this. Maybe you were a little blunt with Thor, but considering what you’re laying out here, it’s understandable too.
And, yeah the stuff you mention is pretty complex, but I think we can find a way to work through it, with any luck. It’s...I get the threat toward Aedan was how Tony found out some disturbing things about his past, and I get that it was a weird time in all our lives, to say the least, when a lot of us, including me, were doing and saying questionable things, and that Tony might have been focused on his own past experiences when he waded into that one, especially seeing things as they looked, but getting involved in anything threatening after that week was over, when, as far as I could see, everyone’s been doing everything they can to avoid problems IS overkill, and definitely sliding into...kind of weird, and sort of...grudgelike.
It was overkill back then too, but I can see how that week brought out a lot of horrible things in most of us, and it’s not okay it happened, but it’s the one time our perceptions were...a little...a whole lot...out of whack. I’m much more concerned about it happening at other times since.
And the Tony missing Aedan thing is...Okay, that one I didn’t know about, that people mention it in places they can see it. I can see Tony missing people, maybe, and getting attached, but focusing on that enough that he takes it public is probably kind of unhealthy even for him. I can’t think what that must be doing to a kid still confused about things involving sex, and love, and trying to work them out. It’s HEALTHY that he isn’t fixated and doesn’t want to be involved and realizes it wasn’t a great idea.
I don’t want to blame Thor for a lot of this offhand, and it MIGHT be something Asgardian that we’re missing, or a worldview that he has, or that protective streak clouding his ability to be reasonable about this. This is a problem where I’m not sure where his head IS, but I can DEFINITELY try to find out, and pursue it, and see if I can at least ensure that he thinks a little harder before he says things about that to the people they involve. I don’t want to think about what that could do if Aedan really DID fall in love with him and was missing him in ways like that.
And suggestions as to what to do for now….It’s sounding like you’ve done a lot of things you’re already supposed to, and okay, while you were maybe kind of blunt, by your admission, you’re defending somebody you care about, who didn’t do anything wrong in that case.
I love Thor, and I’ll defend him when he’s right in cases like this, or in cases where he’s genuinely being attacked by people without cause, but I’m not seeing anything rude or attacking from you guys. And he definitely can be stubborn about….a lot of stuff. I’ll see if I can do something about it. And if you have any input or want to talk about this with more detail...I’m definitely here for that. Mostly. I’ll be out for a while today, but this has huge priority and I’ll do some checking.
-Steve (Which you can definitely call me by the way if that’s more comfortable for you. Or not. I’m easy).
P.S. Hey you uh mentioned living through a warzone and going through some really hard things with your mom and all. It wasn’t exactly the same for me, she got sick from working in a ward as a nurse, but mine died when I was pretty young still too, if you ever wanted to talk to somebody who sort of gets the overwhelmingness of that. Warzones I’m less good at knowing how you grow up in one, though I’ve been through a lot of them with my guys, back several decades ago now. It all looked like it...Well, if you want to talk about THAT part too, I’ve got a little context?
***
Steve,
You know, the name thing is something that Balthier would probably quote something about roses being so sweet, but I never liked that play. Teenaged drama and the interesting people died too early. Though I suppose that’s the point of it. It was fon Ronsenburg, yes, but I probably shouldn’t use that name, and the title came with a name and some armor which I’ve left behind along with the Imperial family I protected. So - just Noah works. Last names are more - think of the thing you’d hear screamed down the alley at children being foolish? Balthier and his two siblings would have cascades of angry letters about how Officer Bunansa and Officer Bunansa were up to things. So, I will shy away from Mr. Rogers, since it’d be the sort of thing you’d say over pursed lips while scolding your taste in draperies.
I feel a bit like I’m pushing you to process and deal with a lot that isn’t your concern or your row to till, but - thank you for the offer.
Part of Tony’s dedication to wanting friendship with Aedan that is disturbing is that he mentioned that Aedan raped a woman and that he had sex with Aedan while he was underaged to his present lover. And apparently to Thor as well, from what Thor was saying. Which, he can spread stories all he wants. The problem is that it was public enough that I could see it.
Aedan’s consent was compromised, and hers was not given. Aedan said to Tony that he does not remember what happened because he was very drunk. Tony has every reason to find this suitable cause to leave.
However, the courts apparently treated Aedan’s mandated therapy as one where Aedan was unable to understand her lack of consent and unable to give his own consent fully. (And, with my limited time here, I can list Aedan’s young age, the alcohol consumption to the point of a loss of memory, and Aedan’s mention of his childhood on the streets. Among other things, he mentioned that he was encouraged to treat sex as another coin to offer for safety, so the idea that sex can be consensual and comfortable is still a pleasant luxury for him.) Tony rejected listening to Aedan, and Thor - Thor has apparently listened to Tony. Which, yes, it is not their concern. But, when you add in the threats of violence toward Aedan, and Thor’s offer that someday, Tony might want Aedan back as a friend, you can see how - well, maybe you do not. For me, for my culture, there is an alarm bell ringing that they are simply not safe or trustworthy.
Is it purely my culture? They seem to be good people. People here like them. You love Thor. And yet -
And I know, I know, you are listening, and you’re offering way more of your time than you have to. I wonder if part of it is that Thor looks a bit like my twin brother. Or well, an actor playing him.
Mostly, the angry offended side of me wants to tell Thor that I have a child here with an eating disorder, trauma, a missing finger, and an army of time and effort spent trying to get him to pass as any other person on the street. And every time he shows up telling Aedan that he needs some therapy, or that Aedan’s a rude brat, or that he’s so glad that Tony broke up with him and that Tony’s new lover is great, and here’s an update about Tony’s health and eating habits and - And here’s Darcy, who’s apparently some child from Tony’s - younger days from some universe, and oh, here she’s saying that yeah, Tony’s still interested in spending time with Aedan. How did she hear about this? Or here’s Tony, on the sidelines, just wanting you to know that he can’t deal with Aedan yet, but someday. And - in that context, updates on Tony’s mental and physical health and how Aedan needs to care how Tony’s doing seems a bit - tone deaf. I’ve rewritten this a few times, and I still sound like a prat.
You can see that tarball of unhealthy responses coming up from little well intentioned behavior?
Bah. I think I need to not input at all until I’ve got a clear - way to limit the bodyguard like unease at something unhealthy hinting at a missing nail in your trunk so to speak.
I - uh. My - childhood was mostly - I had friendships who weren’t always the best, in the army. And - sometimes they went sour, and I was told that they would pretend I was dead if they saw me or give you the cut direct in public. Sometimes because I was angry and young, or because I was too foreign. Or some fight. And you’d get the friends who’d tell you that oh, it’s good that their friend isn’t dating a horrible Landisser anymore. All of them aren’t even humes, you know, not like someone like you who’s lost the accent. I wasn’t the best of people then, or now, but I did not deserve to have the gallery commentating my life. Mostly, it just left me glad to be rid of their friends, and thinking less of myself.
I suppose I had a sin then, of remembering what they said, and watching. Remembering all the ways they came up failing in ethics and morality, and counting their sins. It wasn’t healthy.
But I suppose he didn’t hear what I was trying to point to.
The - the warzone thing - I can give the short version of it. Mother was named Betenos, and she was ill for most of our lives. I think it was a difficult pregnancy, twins and in a small town. Father was a soldier, and she had a pension after he died. When Archades invaded Landis, my brother was active in the resistance efforts, and eventually fled to continue resisting Archades elsewhere. She took a turn for the worse, and so did most of the soldiers with the unrelenting winter in Landis. So when she passed, I was offered the chance to join the army, since they’d been by a few times, asking about my brother. And - I thought I was being a realist and trying to do the best I could for Landis in the army instead of being unemployable at home.
Grim things, I suppose? I’m not sure you want to hear more.
- Noah
***
Just Noah, then-
Our last names weren’t SO bad, but when you got the middle ones involved? That was when you knew somebody was in trouble. I think there’s a part of me that clenches when I hear someone older than me saying my full name, even right now. And when it came up in army briefings, it was always pretty SERIOUS and grim, so...avoiding that’s a good idea, association wise.
The fact that it was public enough to see IS a problem. I’m not even sure that’s supposed to be LEGAL. It’s...I never thought it was a good idea, wanting that friendship after what happened between them. Some people may be able to return to normal after tons of emotional bombshells, my best friend and I are an example, but hardly when you’re as emotionally compromised as that. Not without both people being on the same page.
Tony leaving isn’t the problem, I agree. It’s the fact that it keeps being tossed in Aedan’s face, along with this being public knowledge? As examples I can use to explain to Thor of why this is a bigger problem than he’s seeing?
And responses to things like that? Definitely tone deaf. I’d say if Aedan hasn’t asked, it shouldn’t come up unless there are some really specific circumstances going on.
And you sound...less like a prat and more like someone on your side of the street. I mean, we’re the ones more likely to be interested in how Tony’s doing that way, and you’re more likely to be interested in Aedan’s. I get that. I think if the circumstances were reversed and it was you or Prince Sebastian popping up with updates and reminders of how much better off Aedan was now, I would be upset too. And no, there’s not an easy way to say it, really, but I see what you’re going for.
Is that a sin? That seems more like it’s hurting YOU. I guess a lot of priests would have said that if you think it, you’re committing it in your mind, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.
And the rest of that...I’ve seen it directed at people for other reasons, equally as stupid. It always looked and seemed miserable to be a part of. There were a lot of reasons I was too afraid to talk about the people I liked when I was younger. Well, ALL of them, at least. I see your point.
That does sound grim. After my mom died, I was lucky that my Bucky, my best friend, was there. It was good that i had someplace to go, because..I don’t know what’d have happened to me if I didn’t. That must have been...that does seem like the only possible choice you could have made under those circumstances. I’m sorry it was harder for you.
-Steve
***
Steve,
Ah - middle names were usually milk names, or sort of - fon is basically that I’m from Ronsenburg, or the family was once sort of thing. Balthier’s name is ‘mied’ which I think was meant to evoke that he was sweet like milk. His father had “demen” which - I think was evoking uncanny in reference to his scientific skills.
So screaming Fon would merely get me looking mildly perplexed, though the full name would catch my attention. I fear my brother and I had the hat of we’re squabbling which was a rather ugly sunhat usually jammed on someone’s head while you were weeding or sulking up under the rafters.
Thank you so much for hearing me out, even if I’m looking at things out of perspective. It’s - good at least to have someone trying to check out our side of the metaphorical street, as odd and prone to having loud Scottish accented screaming going on there. I say fondly. I love Sebastian, but I still can’t parse the dialect when it’s super fast and strongly accented.
It - was hurting me, I suppose, dwelling on why I was angry, but they too were not the best people, being close minded and rude. Priests are an odd thing. Religion was totally different at home. I’m glad you and Bucky have made peace.
I suspect I could’ve found other choices. I could’ve followed Basch. I had some training in scribe work, but - well - Archadians wouldn’t hire a Landisser kid instead of an Archadian apprentice. Still, there was labor that I could’ve done. But - I thought I was doing the best I could. Accepting that invasion would happen and trying to change the government from the inside. I was seventeen, and not the brightest.
Still, I survived. I helped some other Landisser kids who joined up as well, and we looked out for each other.
Noah
***
Noah-
That’s kind of interesting, how those work. So do people have them added to their names at later points sometimes or...Because you mention Balthier’s father’s, I’m kind of curious about it. Or did you mean prophetic sort of as the naming goes?
Hah. It was just me and Mom so nothing like that, and Bucky would get real mad at me for getting into fights other places and sort of sulk at me about how I was dumb. Rescued me from my first fight too, actually, and kept on pulling me out of them if that tells you much about ME.
We actually had someone from Scotland in my unit. Demolitions. I can’t imagine more than one running around the place having loud conversations in the same cadence and all. That must get...noisy…
They don’t sound like they were at all. I’m just saying that, you weren’t really doing anything wrong to THEM, to focus on it. It doesn’t sound like it was anything PETTY so...I wouldn’t court-martial or anything for that.
Well, maybe you COULD have, but it wasn’t probably the same kind of thing. I mean, given my experience, they wanted as many people as they could in the army when we were going to war. Every time I tried to enlist, they’d push through as many as they could because the situation called for that. In an empire going to war, I don’t think it’d be different. You were just a kid and it was everywhere and an immediate solution. It makes SENSE.
It’s good to know you weren’t all alone.
And I’ll definitely work on clearing things up with Thor. ASAP. This is all going...pretty far and I don’t want it to go further.
-Steve
***
Steve,
You could. So Balthier was called a little lion, a lot, or a little - efreet? Ifrit? Sand spirit? In reference to a childhood toy lion. Or you might take “demen” and say it means “spirit” or “firey” or “little imp”. In some places you were called nicknames until you were about ten or so. But that varied.
Ah, my brother was more - he learned a sword early on. I learned how to wrestle people down and was mostly quiet and wanting to get left alone to play with my books or to scribble math problems all over. We both got in fights, but I think it helped that it was a small town, and everyone - the town helped raise us, when our mother was doing poorly.
She’d take in sewing, and tease us when I’d hate a sweater and embroider Basch’s colors on it if he’d accept it. We made some rose water sometimes, if the roses were good that year. She was always happy when the roses near the window bloomed well.
Thank you for this. You’re a good man, Steve.
Noah