Who: Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray When: 08/15/17 (backdated like whoa) Where: Starbucks in LA What: feelings talk Warnings: Character death discussion
Rachel got to the Starbucks before Quinn, so she was sitting at a table, a script for her new show sitting in front of her. She was reading it, she had just gotten it and she needed to know what was going on in the show before she started to memorize her lines. Rachel wasn’t sure what had made her speak up to Quinn about the feelings she’d always harbored for the blonde. She knew that just because Quinn had slept with Santana, (and yes, she knew about that, who didn’t?) that didn’t mean that Quinn was into girls. She didn’t want to assume anything. But apparently she hadn’t been able to keep her mouth shut about having feelings for her either.
She was already sipping a coffee, and she had a chocolate chip cookie as big as her head in front of her as well. Rachel broke off a piece, it was still warm and gooey, and took a bite. As worried as she was about how this talk was going to go, she was also thinking about Blaine. Brittany too. She knew that the blonde was having a hard time adjusting to the fact that Quinn had slept with Santana, because for her, that hadn’t happened. Rachel also knew how hard of a time Blaine was having with all of the stuff that had happened to him since he’d arrived in Angel Grove and she knew that there wasn’t much she could do to help. Apparently Rachel’s personality was too much for Blaine. Not that she blamed him. She knew she could be a lot to take.
Her eyes moved up then, looking around for Quinn.
Quinn had taken a few extra minutes to gather up the courage to even enter the Starbucks. It was one thing talking on the network, but another to deal with Rachel Berry in person. A Rachel Berry who apparently knew more about Quinn than perhaps she knew about herself. At the very least, Quinn wasn’t in any argumentative or combative headspace. She had dressed nicely, opting for a white dress with blue and yellow polka dots paired with blue heels to give her an extra few inches. Plus, the dress fit like a glove as if it was made for her. She knew it and so did the sales person at the store a few days ago.
Thinking ahead, she had placed an order on the Starbucks app so she could just walk in and pick it up, rather than having to wait in line. A nice little addition to making life easier here. She took a long breath, closed her eyes to focus herself and walked in. A smile on her face, she went to where she had to go to pick up her drink and showed the app to confirm it was her. It wasn’t hard to spot Berry, and their eyes met. For a second, Quinn almost lowered her head but instead just made her smile wider and strolled over to Rachel with the cup in hand. She took a seat across from her one-time (two-time?) rival and frenemy and took a sip of coffee, letting the warmth of coffee and caramel envelop her body.
“Well, you’ve aged well” she said, offering a compliment to the girl across from her. It was weird, Rachel being older than her - but something she’d get used to in time, she imagined.
Blushing as Quinn told her that she had aged well, Rachel wondered what to say to it. She was glad that Quinn thought so, but she also was still getting used to actually feeling beautiful, even after all these years. Plus, she never thought that she was as beautiful as Quinn Fabray was. Rachel brushed some of her long brown hair behind her ear. “I’m glad you think so.” She was 26, and she thought she could pass for so much younger. It felt a little strange, Kurt was the only one who was close to her age. Blaine was 19, almost 20, and since he felt like he was 13 it was even stranger, and Brittany was also 19. Rachel was still trying to get used to being older than half the people that were here from home.
“Thanks, Quinn.” Rachel finally managed to say, brushing her hand across the script on the table, which she closed as soon as the other girl sat down. Rachel wasn’t even sure where to begin with her feelings for the other girl. She knew that they’d been off and on for friendship over the years. And last Rachel had heard Quinn had been with Noah. But she supposed that if Quinn was from Will’s wedding, she most likely hadn’t gotten back together with him yet. Rachel did feel a bit better about that, while she was still technically married at least Quinn wasn’t involved too. Even though Noah had been the one to cheat with her, she would feel badly if she did it to him.
“You look beautiful.”
“Thanks” Quinn said, replying to Rachel’s compliment. She did give Rachel the once over and even the twice over. Rachel had matured. At least in looks. Her interactions with her still reminded her of college Berry. “So” Quinn said, unsure of where to even begin this conversation. Her talk with Ginny had been eye opening as well and now here she was with Rachel across from her. She shook her head in disbelief.
“What’s it like being older?” she asked. She felt it was a softball question that would help them break the ice and start things rolling on this awkward train. Quinn shifted in her seat slightly. “Did you finish school? You married Jesse of all people, instead of Finn, which I’m kind of shocked about” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “Tell me what’s been going on” she said, hoping for more information.
At the mention of FInn, Rachel’s eyes brushed with tears. She realized Quinn didn’t know. She didn’t relish having to tell her. Taking a deep breath, she said, her voice a bit shaky, (it still hurt even after all these years) “Finn… he passed away, Quinn.” It was still hard for her to even think about, let alone say it out loud. It had been a long time, but it still could make Rachel cry more easily than antgything else could. “If he hadn’t…. We would have gotten married eventually.”
She couldn’t keep her eyes on Quinn when she said that, she wasn’t sure she could keep what little composure she had when she saw how Quinn was taking it. “I miss him so much.” She wiped some tears off her cheeks.
Quinn stared off into space. She swore she heard some humming sound. Or maybe it was a buzzing noise. It was all around her and it deafened her and at once started to drive her crazy. It was inescapable. She could see Rachel’s mouth still moving, but she couldn’t hear what she was saying at all. Her fingers slipped from the grip of her cup, which was luckily only an inch off the table and landed without incident back to the surface. She felt her left hand on her face, but it was as if her whole arm was asleep. Or maybe her face. It almost felt like she wasn’t there at all, except she could feel the one hard surface - the chair. The one thing still tethering her body to the place. She could feel tears welling in her eyes and slowly roll down her cheeks, leaving little salty lines behind them.
Her mouth sputtered, trying to make a noise. Any noise. Something coherent. Her lip quivered and she just shook in grief. For on-lookers, they might have thought she was giggling or having some kind of episode. But she shook, the vibrations rolling in waves through her body as silent tears kept rolling, her hair covering her face.
“I’m sorry” she was able to croak out in an almost inaudible whisper.
Rachel knew exactly how Quinn felt, because it had hit her just as hard when it had first happened. “There’s…. Most of the people from home are here from before it happened, like you.” Rachel said, she was sure that Brittany didn’t know, and she wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. And Blaine didn’t even remember Finn. She wiped her eyes with her napkin. “I… sometimes I miss him so much it hurts. I can’t.. Sometimes I can’t even talk about him.” Rachel had to admit, it was one of the reasons she loved Jesse, he had never made her feel guilty for missing Finn, or anything like that.
“I’m not going to lie… a part of me hoped he’d end up here. Lots of people here are dead in their worlds. It just… it hasn’t happened. Maybe it never will.” Rachel said, her voice still shaking a bit. She wasn’t even sure that she and Kurt had talked about it since she’d been here. Maybe. But Rachel only could handle talk about Finn on occasion. She reached out and took Quinn’s hand, she knew that Quinn might not want to talk about it anymore, and she would do what was needed.
“Do you… are you okay?”
Quinn took a moment and started compartmentalizing things in her head. She took Finn and put him in the back of her mind. After a few more moments, she looked up at Rachel and wiped her eyes with her free hand. She gripped Rachel’s hand with the other.
“I’ll be fine” she said, with a deep breath. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine” she said, nodding reassuringly.
“I’m sorry he didn’t. For you” she said.
Wiping her eyes with her free hand, Rachel said, “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I just… I still get really down about it sometimes, but I try to tell myself that Finn believed in Heaven, and so I know he’s up there, and he’s waiting for me. And maybe he got to see his dad, and finally meet him. It’s the only thing that got me through at the time. I made some really stupid decisions while I was grieving.” She laughed a bit, she could laugh about it now. At the time she’d been so sure they’d been the right decisions, but she knew now it was the grief she’d been in.
The fact that Quinn was putting on a brave face did not surprise her. That was just how Quinn was. She didn’t like to show her real feelings that often. Rachel kept her hand in Quinn’s, somehow knowing it wasn’t okay to pull away just yet. “I really think Jesse is a saint, because he’s never once given me any kind of grief about Finn. He’s been so patient and understanding. He’s really changed since high school.” It was true, and Rachel also knew she might not have gotten through anything without him.
“That’s good” she said, about Jesse. “I’m glad you found someone that could take care of you like you deserve to be taken care of” she said. “But now you’re here. And” she said, pausing. She thought for a moment and decided that she’d not pull any punches. “You admit to me that you like me? Or liked me?” she said, with confusion still in her face and in her tone.
Rachel had known that this part was coming. Taking a deep breath, she let go of Quinn’s hand to grasp her coffee cup, taking a deep sip. “Yeah. I do like you. I’m not going to say that I’ve been in love with you the entire time I’ve known you, but off and on, yeah. Before I got here I’d recently heard from you, and Jesse and I were having problems, mostly because he was off shooting a movie, and I don’t know, it stirred things up again.” Rachel said, her face covered in a blush.
“Honestly, even if Jesse was here, I’m not sure we’d still be together.”
“Is that because you think there’s some kind of chance with me?” she said, realizing how self-absorbed and egotistical that was. “Or other things?” she asked. “Did you… and me” she said, trying to find the words. “In the future. Did we ever?” she said, making a motion with her hands.
“Oh, no, we haven’t.” Rachel said, shaking her head. “And no, it’s not because of you. A little maybe but mostly no.” Rachel said, things had started to go downhill even before she’d offered to be a surrogate for Kurt and Blaine. “I think… I think Jesse and I are just too alike for us to really last long term. Honestly… I’m surprised we lasted as long as we did. I’m not mad at him or anything, but I know that I’ve officially moved on.”
“So, have you” she said, again making the same motion with her hands “with anyone here?” she said, wondering if Rachel had started exploring her new, softer side. “I mean, I haven’t. Not since Santana which still feels like it just happened”
“Does Brittany know that you did that?” Rachel asked, shaking her head at Quinn’s question. She didn’t know how Brittany would take that, she’d either get really upset or understand. She wasn’t sure which it would be. Rachel wasn’t sure how to help Brittany deal with that. But then again, hurting Brittany was like hurting a puppy. “Because… I’m not telling her if she doesn’t know.”
“Yes” Quinn said, lowering her head. “Just like you said, everyone knows our business. But she and Santana weren’t together. Not where I’m from” Quinn said, starting to plead her case. “She was with Sam, of all people. We weren’t together. And Santana and I were drinking and enjoying each others company” she said, her hands animated with how upset she was. “So yes, she knows. She hates me”
“She’s never been with Sam, she’s from a time when she and Santana were still together. I’m not blaming you, I know that you weren’t doing anything wrong. It’s just from Brittany’s point of view it’s wrong. I am sorry that she’s mad at you. Maybe she just needs time to get over it.” Rachel hated that Quinn was going through that, especially since she knew that for Quinn she hadn’t been doing anything wrong.
“It’s fine” Quinn said, rubbing one of her arms. “I get it. I understand why she’s upset. And it’ll just be what it is until she’s ever ready to talk to me” she said.
“Just thank god you’re talking to me” Quinn said, looking at Rachel. She took a sip of her drink. “There was this one time” Quinn said, seemingly about to launch into something but then she stopped herself. “Anyway” she added, “I’m really glad you’re here. And you’re you”
Arching an eyebrow, Rachel looked at her. “What were you going to say? There was this one time what?” She asked, Quinn had to know that she wasn’t just going to drop the subject when she said something like that. Rachel brushed some of her brown hair behind her ear. “You know you can’t start a sentence like that and not follow through.” Quinn was surprising her, Rachel hadn’t expected anything that she was getting from Quinn. And she knew what was going on with Quinn in her time back home.
Quinn inwardly cursed herself for letting something slip like that. “There was this one time, when we were all dressing like you. I found it to be cute. And sexy and I realized you had this allure to you” she said, looking at Rachel. “That you were like this magnet, drawing people towards you. Finn, Puck, Jesse” she said, before letting out a little “me” so quietly she was hoping Rachel hadn’t heard it. “Anyway, yeah, I’m being dumb” Quinn said, shaking her head.
Rachel heard that ‘me’. She licked her lips and looked at Quinn. “Really? You? You thought I was sexy?” She asked. Rachel didn’t know that Quinn had thought that and it was kind of making her hot. Quinn was so beautiful, and she had thought Rachel was sexy. Rachel leaned forward, her face an expression of sultry. Rachel had taken awhile to really learn that she was sexy but now she did her best to own it.
“Yes, Rachel” Quinn said, forcing her to say it outloud as she looked at Rachel. “You had that whole nerd chic thing going on. I mean, my style was pretty on point, but yours” she said “There’s just something about you, the whole package. You’re like a siren” As long as she didn’t bash Quinn against the rocks or drown her, Quinn thought she’d be ok.
A smirk spread across Rachel’s face. She was a siren? She couldn’t help the smile that followed. She didn’t believe that this had happened. “You called me a siren.” She said, her tone seductive. Rachel didn’t know how she had never known this. Although she supposed that it made sense, Quinn was very good at hiding her feelings from everyone. Rachel tucked some of her brown hair behind her ear. “That is totally amazing.”
“Yeah” Quinn said, blushing slightly. “I mean honestly, you’ve got the voice of one. And you’re just this” she said, making hand motions at Rachel “creature. And I mean that in a good way. I don’t know. It just seems like you’re touched by something special.”
A blush covered Rachel’s face. She couldn’t believe that the Quinn Fabray was telling her that she was touched by something special. She didn’t even know what to say. “First of all… I am incredibly flattered, you have no idea how much that means to me. Second of all, does… does that mean you’re open to having a proper date? If not I understand. It’s not like I’m really a catch right now. Technically I’m still married, even if I’m here. You deserve someone else. But I really… I want to be good enough for you. It took me a long time to realize that I am a gorgeous woman. So that’s not what I’m worried about. I just don’t know that I deserve someone as wonderful as you. Not when my life is in such a turmoil.”
“I” Quinn said, thinking to herself for a moment. “I could be. And stop putting yourself down. I mean, if you were a baby seal, you’d be a catch. I mean, I’d have to club you” she said, before realizing that joke may not be the best. “And being married isn’t an issue. Remember how Britt used to talk about how she dated Artie but still was with Santana because of different plumbing” Quinn giggled at the memory, though it made her sad with how she and Britt were still estranged. “Anyway, if I was lucky to catch you in my net, I wouldn’t toss you back into the water” she said.
Rachel didn’t know what to think about what Brittany had said about being with Santana when she was dating Artie. Rachel wasn’t sure that she’d actually heard Brittany say that before. “I don’t know what to think about Britt….. But you really mean it, that you wouldn’t toss me back?” Rachel wasn’t sure she approved of the metaphor, but that part wasn’t important. “So… if I asked you out on a real date, you’d go?” She asked, doing her best not to lick her lips in anticipation. She really wanted to.
“No, I wouldn’t toss you back” Quinn said with a slight shrug. “And yes, I guess” she said, biting her lower lip. Was she really saying yes to Rachel Berry. To a real date with the girl. “But don’t think you’re getting lucky on the first date” Quinn said stupidly, with a wink before realizing just how dumb that sounded. “Ok, just forget that part” she said.
Laughing, Rachel said, “Don’t worry, I remember you being in the celibacy club.” She knew that had been awhile ago, but not for Quinn. It hadn’t been that long ago for her. Rachel wondered if she could ask how things had gone with Santana. She wanted to know if it had just been an experiment with Santana. Rachel knew that she probably had no right to ask. Especially since Quinn had said she’d go out with her. “Well, I will definitely have to keep that in mind.” Rachel teased her, watching that blush rise up on Quinn’s gorgeous face.
“Oh god, the Celibacy club” she groaned through her hands as she tried to hide her blushing face. “Stupid stupid stupid” she said quietly. “Yeah” she said, shaking her head. “Let’s” she said before pausing. “Let’s just see what happens between you and me and go from there” Quinn said, her eyes looking above her hands. “Is that ok with you?”
“That’s fine. It’s more than I expected. I’ve got to go, actually. I have to practice for the taping tomorrow. Do you want to come and watch? I can get you tickets.” Rachel was so excited that she had a job like this. She was done with Broadway. Hollywood was where it was at. She smiled at the other girl, resisting the urge to kiss her. “Talk to you later.” Rachel headed off then, not sure when she was going to actually ask Quinn out, but this had gone better than expected.