Who: Castiel (AU) and Claire Novak What: Seeking out a certain runaway teen Where: A 24 Hour Diner When: After this discussion with the other Castiel Warnings: Probably nothing too high Status: Closed, ongoing
Despite what his other self might have had to say on the matter, Castiel did feel rather personally responsible for the fact that this other reality’s Claire had seemingly run away.
He also couldn’t really be sure that his going after her was the best idea, but what else could he do? Just sit around doing nothing when he had the ability to locate her with relative ease? He was no longer human, but he had only regained his Grace a few years prior. He could still remember what it had felt like to be a parent as if it was yesterday, and if he translated his lifespan to human terms, it had really only been seconds ago. He knew precisely how he would have felt if his own Claire had gone missing and refused to communicate her whereabouts to him.
Making matters even more uncomfortable was the fact that interacting with this Claire at all was simply a reminder of his own shortcomings. Yes, he might have told himself that he had left his family behind for their own safety, but was that really the case? The world they lived in was incredibly dangerous, quite honestly, it would have been safer for them if he had gone home at least once and prepared them for the reality of it.
No, it came down to the fact that he had been afraid of facing them without his humanity. He did not know what they would have made of it, or of him, and he hadn’t wanted to find out. Accompanying Sam on his quest to save his brother while keeping the seals from being broken had simply been the easier option, and the longer he had stayed away, the harder it became to even consider going home.
Just this Claire’s existence was hard, and the fact that he had so utterly failed in all of his talks with her made it worse. When he managed to locate her, the nerves got even more intense. She was perfectly safe, inside of an all night diner. No sign whatsoever of Lucifer. As horrible as it might have sounded, it would have been easier for him if she’d been in danger. Action was always easier than words, and if he’d been saving her from something, she would have less of a valid reason to be angered by his presence.
He stayed where he was outside of the diner for some time, wondering if perhaps he should just contact the other Castiel, let him know of her location, and zap himself right back to the motel room that he and Dean had been sharing as their temporary safe house. What if he left and something did happen, though? He was being utterly ridiculous.
He swallowed his fear and simply walked inside, making a beeline for Claire’s booth before he could psych himself out. Seeing her in person was somehow much worse than simply speaking to her again. A lump formed in his throat at the realization that his own Claire probably looked just like this by now. She had been a preteen when he had seen her last- when she and Amelia had visited him in the psych ward, mere days before Sam and Ruby had come into his average existence and ripped away any illusion of normality.
He cleared his throat, then spoke, simply standing above the table rather than sitting down across from her as he had momentarily considered doing. “Disappearing on your family is not a very kind thing to do even when they aren’t already worried sick that you will be kidnapped by Lucifer, Claire.” His tone was carefully measured, and even more gravelly than it usually was. While he usually tried to keep hold of what humanity remained in him, distancing himself from his humanity was doing a lot to help calm his emotions right then. If he came off as distant and alien, then so be it.