mortuus_madidus (mortuus_madidus) wrote in anathemarandom, @ 2008-07-28 05:22:00 |
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Current music: | "Before I'm Dead" - Kidney Thieves |
HOW TO BECOME AN HERO
[The good way.]
[With commentary by Dylan Haynes.]
MATERIALS NEEDED:
*20 ft. or more of piano wire [Guitar wire can work... in a pinch.]
*1 stool or step ladder [The taller the better.]
*Industrial Superglue [Or the like. Might I suggest Gorilla Glue?]
STEP 1:
Find a location where you will be found soon but not stopped. An open apartment or rooftop is ideal. [A tree in the middle of a park at the break of dawn might also work.]
STEP 2:
Tie the wire to a study ceiling fixture [a ceiling fan just won't work, in this case] or the side of the building and make sure it's secure, then tie it around your neck.
STEP 3:
Superglue your hands to the sides of your head. [Along your jawline or over your ears is a recommended spot.]
STEP 4:
Wait for glue to dry. [Don't be hasty, good things take time.]
STEP 5:
Jump. [Don't even try to back out now you fucking pansy. Think of the glory!]
CONGRADULATIONS!
If done correctly if will appear as if you have successfully pulled off your own head. Your name will forever be remembered in the archives of heroes and do-gooders. [They'll keep a small file about you inbetween the guy who invented the rubber jar opener thing and Chris Crocker.]