"I think ... if ... what Jaime told me about her world's concept of alternate universes, if I go back and change things it just ... makes a different world. So some version of me, or lots of versions of me will ... probably die like I saw on the video. Like everyone knows happened ... but this would be a different world. A changed world." A world where she was alive, where she could live a longer life.
"I couldn't ask you to," Lily said quietly. "I won't say no, if you're certain that's what you want to do, but ... I don't ..." Lily glanced up to him. "I don't want to take away whatever you might have at home." She gripped his knee gently before she rested her hand against his thigh.
"I ... I've changed," she whispered. "This, has changed me. I'm not who I was, when I was taken. If I wake up next to James now, it won't be the same. I won't be the same, so we won't be the same, and ... he'll never understand why. Even if he believed this, even if I told him ... he'll never understand." Even though James had been there, briefly, it had to be one from another reality or one who hadn't been allowed to keep his memories, because he'd certainly never mentioned this to her.
It was selfish, she supposed, to want Balthazar to go back with her so she'd have someone who could relate. She loved him, of course, and she'd love if he did go back with her, but she couldn't, wouldn't ask him to.