“Is this lady for real?” Jack asked his Cher doll, then promptly ignored her so that he could educate this poor, sheltered Brit on the many errors she'd just spoken.
“Alright, lets start at the end and work our way backwards, shall we?” He paused, took a deep breath and started, “The U S of A has not been called the 'Colonies' by anyone not deliberately trying to offensive in like a gazillion years, okay? No one takes ships anymore. Unless it's a cruise ship. Ooh, a nice Mediterranean cruise with drinks included...”
He shook his head. Back to the task at hand. “People take planes now. You know, airplanes. Flying, high in the sky. New York to London... about fourteen hours instead of like a boring month at sea.” Waving his hand again, this time in dismissal, he added, “I'm just going to breeze past the Egyptologist thing, most because I don't care.
“And Eliza as in Eliza Doolittle from the play Pygmalion, which was adapted into a musical and later a film that starred the incomparable Audrey Hepburn as Eliza Doolittle opposite Rex Harrison as Professor Henry Higgins.”
Jack put his hand on his hip, still holding the Cher doll, and went on, “And the year that film came out, Julie Andrews won the oscar for Mary Poppins while Audrey wasn't even nominated. A crime!” He sighed and smiled, “I have no idea where any law enforcement is. I just arrived on this island myself. Jack McFarland, by the way,” he said in introduction. “Actor, singer, dancer, among other things. This is Cher.”