Hannah Abbott (puffprincess) wrote in all_roads, @ 2008-04-25 21:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | *log, dominic abbott, hannah abbott |
A father-daughter talk; Abbott's [HA, DA]
WHO: Hannah, Dominic
WHERE: the Abbott's
WHEN: Wednesday, 12 January, 2000; lunchtime, following the reaction to Ernie's news
SUMMARY: Hannah and Dominic discuss both Ernie and some things from the past. COMPLETED LOG.
RATING: High PG.
It took Dominic a moment to find Hannah, and when he did it was, surprisingly enough, in her mother's sitting room. Dominic had not known what to think about the sitting room since Teaghan's death, and often he would find both peace as well as a sense of sadness in the room. He knocked before he went in, and sat on the floor next to her. “Hi there, sweetheart.”
When she heard the knock, Hannah looked up, for a moment her trepidation clear. Someone had come after her this soon? She wasn't sure she was ready for another attempt at discussing it all, as the thoughts were still jumbled in her head and so she knew she wouldn't have an easy time of saying it. Also, she wasn't really in the mood for more arguing, especially in this room. Here it seemed wrong somehow to fight.
She both relaxed and tensed when Dominic revealed himself, relaxed as she knew he would understand about how fighting would see bad here in Teaghan's room, the one place Hannah did not associate with violence of any kind (never knowing here was where her mother had been murdered), but tense as she knew his opinions were often strongly against Ernie.
"Hi Dad," she said quietly, looking down at him as he settled in front of her where she sat on the sofa, slightly curled up.
Dominic rested his hand on top of Hannah's, his thumb moving over her hand. “Well that was pretty disastrous, wasn't it, princess?” He looked up at her curiously, his eyes taking in the look of her face and trying to analyze it to see if she was more angry or sad or something else entirely. “I'm sorry that that went downhill so quickly, and I'm sorry if you're angry with me. You know that you can tell me if you're angry, or if you're hurt, you know that I'm here for you.”
He looked around the room, sighing quietly. Teaghan would have wrung his neck for this, for allowing it to get this out of control, for letting Hannah cry. Either that or she would have laughed while they all fought over how to protect one another.
"I'm not angry at you, or anything really," Hannah said with a soft sigh, looking down at his hand a long moment before looking up at him. "I just... I can't sort it all out yet, and maybe that means I need to talk instead of think, but... Dad. You're not very objective about Ernie."
It was said without absolutely any rancor, for she wasn't even angry at their longstanding inability to get along, just perhaps, as always, somewhat saddened by it.
"That's why I came here, I just... didn't know what to think or how to feel," she continued, looking away now, the glitter of tears at the corner of her eyes. "Mum was always good at sorting that out, even if I couldn't say what I was thinking. And I can't even do that now, because I don't know. I know how important this is to him and I don't want him to be someone different, but I'm so terrified and he promised everyone would stay safe and this is a really bad way of trying to keep that promise!"
Though she had said she couldn't articulate her thoughts, thus far it seemed she was doing exactly that.
Dominic nodded, listening carefully to his daughter even though he wanted nothing more than to go and dredge up the boy again to hurt him for hurting Hannah. “I'm not very objective about Ernie.” Dominic said truthfully. “But it's not really my job to be. My job is to be the best father that I can be, and sometimes, Hannah, that means I have to disapprove of things that boys do that might hurt you. Granted, I'm hardly blameless here, I know I've made my mistakes too, but I don't want you to ever think that you can't talk to me, or ramble on if you're not even up to putting things in coherent words just yet.”
He let one hand go to brush over her cheek. “Ernie's being foolish now, but it's hardly new.” He followed his words hastily so that she wouldn't think that he was being unnecessarily harsh on her boyfriend. “People have been joining the Order straight out of the Aurors or even regular day jobs for some time, and I can hardly fault him for wanting to be a part of that.” Dominic himself had tried to join a very different sort of dangerous organization right out of Hogwarts, there were worse things than being in the Order. What he could fault the boy for was being so careless with his health when his daughter's happiness depended on it.
Hannah listened to him quietly, not objecting to anything he said even though usually she would argue about him making mistakes and things like that. Her heart simply wasn't in it right now, not because she didn't love him, but because the matter at hand was so painful and so draining, leaving little else for her to feel but her fear for Ernie and her hurt over how he had done it.
"I can't fault him either, but part of me... does?" she whispered, pained to admit it, but knowing it was the truth. Though he was far from 'wrong' it wasn't right for her either. "It's the right thing to do and he's a good person for doing it, but it isn't... it isn't what I want him to do. I can't stop him, anymore than you could have stopped Hestia were she not having a baby now, but... I just don't know what to do, Dad."
She bowed her head before whispering, ""I can't lose him. I can't lose anyone else, but now there's more danger and it just keeps growing."
“I know.” Dominic said honestly. “And I wish that you were young enough that you would believe me without question when I say everything will be alright, but you're not. You're a grown woman now and you know that is not always the case.” He paused, his hand moving over her bowed head to smooth her hair. “Things don't always work out just because you're a good person or because you want them to, but they do work logically, and I can assure you, Hannah, that logically we'll do as much as we can to fix this. Hestia will no doubt have every member of the Order breathing down Ernie's neck and watching over him if indeed he does stay, just as I know they used to look after one another when she was on active duty in the Aurors.” Besides, Dominic thought, the boy was, on occasion (and this was normally limited to when he was in mortal peril) rather clever.
He leaned in, pressing his lips against her blonde hair. “I'm proud of you though, Hannah. When a man puts that much faith in your decisions, that he's willing quit something like the Order if you ask him to, that means a great deal, and the fact that you didn't exploit it means even more. You've grown up, sweetheart.”
"I don't want it," Hannah whispered and then looked up at him. "Not the 'being grown up' part, that's not what I meant, but this... Ernie willing to do whatever I say. I don't... like it Dad, I don't like knowing I have so much..."
She searched for the word she wanted, but was at a loss to find it.
“I know.” Dominic said quietly, giving her a sad sort of smile. He might not like it anymore than she did, but the fact remained that the boy trusted her more than he trusted any of them, and he wanted to make her happy. For that alone he was ready to admit that Ernie wasn't all bad. “It's not as thought you've gotten that much control over him by unkind or unfair means, he trusts you. If he came to you and said that he was frightened whenever you did something and asked you to stop, would you consider stopping? It's the same thing, Hannah.”
"Yes," Hannah whispered, "but... when none of you liked the fact I wanted to work at the Centre, I listened but I didn't do what everyone wanted. I don't know if I could."
She looked up at him, appearing all at once far too old and far too young. "Does that make me a bad person, that I did it anyhow even though you and he and Hestia weren't happy, but Ernie was ready to stop what he was doing for me?"
“No.” Dominic said quickly, shaking his head firmly 'no' as well. “Of course not. Everyone's different, and his work with the Order is something that he should never have started anyhow.” There was a much more readily available explanation as to why Ernie was asking Hannah's opinion on this and no one else's, but Dominic didn't want to think on that just now. He wanted the Macmillan boy to respect his daughter's opinions, yes, but not because he saw the possibility of them being even more serious about one another or anything like that.
At that, Hannah's lips twitched, not quite a smile, but a fleeting amused reaction to his statement. "You thought the same thing about my work at the Centre, Dad," she reminded him softly then lifted her chin a bit. "You probably still do, don't you?"
“Not the exact same thing.” Dominic protested, thinking that though he might have said the same thing in both circumstance his disapproval of Ernie's was far more fiery than that of Hannah's. “I didn't like you working at the Centre then, or even now, but you do make a difference, even I can see that. I fear that Macmillan's role in the order will only be one of getting in the way, stumbling around...” going haphazardly into things with Stebbins and being a cocky jackass and getting himself killed “and being a nuisance. Ernie can be of little HELP to the Order so he really has nothing to contribute, and therefore there was no reason for him to join.”
Hannah shook her head slowly, bowing it again to rub her forehead with her fingertips. "But he thinks he has a reason," she said softly, still rubbing, then looked up once more. "Do you think it's me? All of us? He promised nothing else would happen, and I know he can't make promises like that for real, but maybe that's what this is? If it is, that's a good reason for anyone to do anything, if they're trying to protect people the way they think is the best."
"If I know Macmillan...” Dominic was certain by now that he more or less did know the boy, he had the best of intentions. He didn't join for the reasons some use, to get famous or well respected, or to make a name for himself. “He did what he did because he thought it would be of some benefit to you or Hestia. The poor boy doesn't know how little help he will be, though.” Dominic couldn't see where Macmillan could be anything more than a child underfoot, a hindrance in the purest sense of the word.
Though she hadn't entirely wanted to hear she was right, as she knew it would make it harder not to accept Ernie's actions, Hannah was pleased Dominic was being so obviously thoughtful about this. Reaching out, she laid the back of her hand against his forehead a moment and then withdrew it.
"Just checking," she said, voice still soft but a bit of a smile there on her face now.
Dominic was puzzled as to what she had been doing for half a moment (because truthfully, he didn't think that he was that unkind to the boy most of the time) and when he did figure out what she was doing he snorted, swatting her hand away. “Always the one to keep faith in your old Papa aren't you?” He asked teasingly, smiling as it felt good to know she was teasing him again.
"Always," Hannah said quietly, more serious than teasing. "And thank you. I still don't know what to do, or what really to think, but I feel a bit better now. Mum'd be proud."
Dominic looked around the room, wondering if her mother would really have been happy at the way that he had learned to parent on his own or if she would have been shocked that it had taken him this long to figure out to parent his own grown daughter. He had not even truly figured it out, as there were still moments of floundering before he found his way. Gods what he wouldn't give to be as good at helping Hannah through troubled periods as Hestia was.
“You two can work this out. It will be difficult, but it seems nothing is simple anymore. Just, make it clear to the boy that this is the most you will take, that way he doesn't think that he's cleared to go out on some...” Dominic cut himself off, as he had been about to say suicide mission but he thought that the words might upset Hannah now, “even more dangerous task. You just have to make it very clear to him,” because he's not the brightest boy on the planet, Dominic finished quietly. He smirked. It was amusing to be having a separate talk with himself while he was talking to Hannah.
Smiling a bit more now, Hannah nodded. "I will. Once I know what to say, I'll tell him." Her face softened, her gaze wandering over the room too as though not quite entirely at the task at hand for a moment. Much as Dominic had reflected on thoughts of Teaghan, so too was she right now. She knew her mother had liked Ernie from when they were just best friends, and Hannah knew even had her mother still been there, her father would have had the same problems, but much like her parents had stood beside each other even during the worst, she couldn't do anything less than that for Ernie, no matter how scared she was. It was as simple as that. "I love him, I couldn't do anything else."
Yes, she did love him. Dominic had always wanted his little girl to find love, but even now she seemed too young, too vulnerable to go and give her heart out to some rash young boy. He wanted her to find love when he himself was an old man, when she was older, when the notion of her wanting to do very adult things like getting married or moving in with her significant other or moving into a more physical relationship didn't make his hand flinch to his wand to hurt Macmillan before he could hurt Hannah. “I know.” He said simply. His gaze went across the room, to the place where he had found Teaghan that night so long ago. “She would have been glad to know that you love him.”
Never knowing what happened here, and perhaps really never admitting the things that would have told her so, such as Dominic's excuses about changes to the room, Hannah thought nothing of where her father's gaze had fallen, but she did suddenly feel compelled to ask. Neither of them seemed to come here often, but this was the room that had changed when she had come back. Maybe it was a mark of maturity or perhaps just a mark of being able to accept bad things because the world was full of them and she couldn't escape them anymore.
She reached down, taking his hand. "She died here, didn't she, Dad." Yet, when asked, it was no longer a question.
Dominic was torn between giving her the answer that would allow this room to remain untainted for her, and the one that one would give to a grown daughter capable of handling the truth. She might be grown but she was still his little girl and he wanted to protect her. He knew she came here sometimes to think, to feel closer to her mother, and he wanted it to remain a positive thing for her, not something that also made her wonder about the last day of her mother's life. “Yes.” The word was whispered, almost torn from him, because he couldn't justify lying to her now about it. He squeezed her hand, looking up at her. She didn't look all that much different from the wide eyed little girl he had picked up at Hogwarts with that awful news. “Yes, Hannah, she did.”
It was strange, Hannah reflected, that knowing for certain now didn't somehow change this room and it was partially because some part of her had known but also because not only had this been her mother's room, it also showed how far her father had gone to protect her from this. After all, other than minor things she noticed, there were no visible changes, but she suspected he had to do more than the changes that had been done to make the room look 'normal' again. Perhaps he thought he had made mistakes, but she knew he had done more things right than he gave himself credit for."
She leaned forward as she slid to the edge of the sofa cushion, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I think I knew," she whispered as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I just wasn't ready to admit it yet."
Dominic wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes as he held her close for a long moment. She was so grown up, his little Hannah, and somehow, in spite of ( or perhaps because of) all that she had been through she had flourished. “I wasn't sure that I wanted you to know either.” Dominic whispered. “She loved it here, and this was her room, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable here. I didn't want them to ruin it for you.”
Hannah shook her head gently, tightening her grip on him. "It's still her room, no matter... no matter what they did." Her voice was strangely thick, or perhaps not so strangely considering the topic and she swallowed hard. It was certainly a different tangent entirely from Ernie, but perhaps it was not so different in that facing hard truths would make it easier to sort out her feelings.
"Will you tell me now?" she asked, finding it not easier to speak, but the words were still voiced. "Tell me how she died?"
Dominic hesitated for a moment, unsure, and then the story came out. He told it freely, though he did gloss over some details like just how distraught he had been when Hestia came and the lengths he had gone to to hunt down those who had hurt Teaghan, but all of the basic facts were there, like how very hard she had fought for her life, and the fact that the fight had not been a fair one from the start. “Your mother was very, very brave.” He concluded, pulling back a bit so that he could look her in the eyes. “and she loved you very much. This had nothing to do with her, but with them trying to punish me. I don't think it was possible for anyone to ever stay truly angry at your Mum, Hannah.”
Though it wasn't a very long story, by the end of it, Hannah was crying, not brokenly but quietly. Somehow knowing more still hadn't changed this place for her, because her mother had fought here, and there was nothing shameful in her death. Painful and hurtful, of course, but that was the pain of losing a mother. Though she had always loved and been proud of her mother, now was one more reason to do so. Even if her mother hadn't fought, she still would have felt so, but this helped ease the pain a bit to know her mother had done so. And it was time for her father to stop blaming himself.
"It wasn't your fault. You would have stopped them if you had known, and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself forever," she whispered, closing the gap he had crated as she hugged him hard again.
She did have a point, Teaghan was never the type of woman who would have wanted him to spend the rest of his life feeling guilty or even unhappy. She had been the most selfless type of person, the kind who devoted her life to helping others. Perhaps that's why she and Hestia had become such good friends. They were different as night and day, and yet both were such decent, good women that it was hard to believe that Dominic had been so lucky as to fall in love twice in his lifetime with women like that.
He hugged Hannah back fiercely. “I'm so proud of you, Hannah, and I know she would be too.” He had already said it earlier, but it was worth saying again in his opinion, because she had certainly grown up a lot more than he thought.
There wasn't a better feeling in the world to Hannah than to know she was loved, but a close second was to know those she loved were proud of her. She wasn't particularly certain what she had done lately to earn that, and especially not today given the fight, but it still felt good. She closed her eyes, letting out a tiny sigh that seemed to release some of her tension with the exhalation.
"I love you, Dad," she said softly.
“I love you too, Hannah.” And he did. He loved her more than it seemed possible to love someone, and because of that he would do his very best to ensure that the rash Macmillan boy stayed safe. He gave her an extra squeeze and then just held her loosely. “Would you like to stay in here or come with me? I think Hestia is in danger of yelling the ear off of one of our Aurors, at least, she was when I came looking for you.”
Pulling back, Hannah wiped at her face and pushed her hair back, a slight smile on her face because she felt a bit sorry for the poor Auror. She wasn't, however, ready to leave yet. "I'm going to stay here a little while, if that's all right," she said.
Dominic nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll come check on you later, or you can find me if you're up for company before that." He stood, looking down at her, and seeing some of her mother's strength as well as her blonde hair and pretty smile, his eyes softened. He gave her a small smile and turned, not wanting to get mushy or blubbery with her, and he knew that if he stayed, that would be what happened.
"Okay," Hannah said softly, watching him go with a expression that was also soft. She knew, with the pure, unshakable faith of a daughter, that she had the best father in the world. There were still things to think about, but at least now her head was clearer and her heart not so heavy.