The Contract of Heartache
Sweet.....they're still coming.
Summary: Rabastan is having trouble dealing with the aftermath and Ron is having trouble dealing with Rabastan. What lies ahead for the two lovers? Will true love be the ultimate test of acceptance or will it lead them down a path from which no couple has ever survived?
On To Part 5 -->
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything you recognize and while I do corner the market on this pairing, I cannot lay claim to it…yet. I am trying. LoL
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He dissolved the contract. I had wanted to beg him not to. I had wanted to say no. But, when I saw the look in his eyes--the loathing--I had to keep quiet. He wasn't angry at me. He wasn't even disappointed in me. He was angry--disappointed--in himself.
Nothing but self-loathing resided in his eyes. Nothing.
Flashback "Ron," He called from the sitting room.
I walked in, apron and all, from the adjoining Kitchen door. "Yes, love?"
"Come sit. I need to talk to you." Now, those words are never good. In fact, it makes me even more nervous to hear them in a calm, collected voice. That always means they have been thought out. Words said in anger can be forgiven. Words thought out cannot.
"What about dinner, Sir?"
"Put it on hold. This is important."
"Yes, Sir." I walked back into the Kitchen to cast the necessary stasis bubble. My stomach was in knots, making it hard to focus on anything but my lover in the other room. Something didn't feel right. Maybe now he was disgusted with me. I did kill his brother less than a week ago. I guess I should have expected it.
Finishing quickly, so as not to keep him waiting, I walked back out to the sitting room and kneeled before him. He shook his head and motioned for me to sit beside him on the couch. Oh God.
"These past weeks have been difficult. Because of me, you have suffered and as I can't live with that. When we signed our contract, I swore to protect you and put you first--to love you unconditionally. I have failed you." He sighed, his head lowered and turned from me.
“You also swore to care for and love me until a time in which we both decide it is what we want.” I put my hand to his cheek and, quite boldly, turned his face to meet mine. Our eyes locked and I saw the sadness, the sickness. "You can't blame yourself. I don't."
He took my hand from his cheek and held it. He turned to gaze out the window. Continuing, he reiterated, "You may not blame me, but I do. I can't have you here knowing that I caused so much damage because I was too selfish to take notice. That is not something a person should do; let alone a Master--your Master. You deserve more than I can give you."
"No, I don't. You are wrong. I don't deserve you. I never have. I came to grips with that long ago and hoped that you would never notice. However, I cannot let you speak as though I am better than you. For Merlin's sake, I just killed your fucking brother. How good is that?" My voice rose steadily but never broke contact with him.
He did. He stood abruptly and moved from me, leaving me cold. "That is my point. You should not have had to kill him. Had I been paying attention, I would have taken care of him long before he ever would have touched you. I should have known."
"Maybe, maybe not. But we cannot change the past, like it or not. It is not your fault I am dirty. It is his--and mine. I should have told you, I shouldn't have doubted you, and I sure as hell hadn't just sat by and let him. He hurt me and I let him. You are not in the equation at all." I tried to make him understand. It was my fault. Not his; never his.
"But I should have been." He shook his head, as though to clear thoughts. He beckoned me over to him, and I acquiesced. He wrapped me in a hug, warming my chilled body. He just held me. I rested my head against his left shoulder, and waited in the silence for him to continue. Before he could however, I felt one thick teardrop fall on my cheek. He was crying. I had never seen him cry and it hurt. It hurt to know he was struggling so badly and there was nothing I could do to help. "I should have been."
"I love you." I didn't know what else to say. But, he did.
"I set you free."
End of Flashback
And, with that, our contract vanished. The cuffs I had come to love, fell from my wrist and my beloved collar hit the floor with a heavy thud. My body felt light without the comforts of my Master and I fainted.
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I came to sometime later, lying on the couch. Ma--Rabastan sat at a distance, watching me. I know it sounds funny--well, sad--but I silently hoped it was just a nightmare, a very bad nightmare. It wasn't
My hands went to my neck and, feeling only bare skin, spoke volumes. I cried. I pulled my knees to my chest and, resting my head on my knees, cried. What am I going to do? Why did I have to be alone? What had I done to make me suffer like this?
Eventually, I did calm down. But with that calm came nothingness. I was lost and numb. I didn't know what to do anymore. So, I did what I thought was expected of me. I said my goodbye.
I stood from the couch, holding off Rab's offer to help. I had to stand on my own. No more subjecting myself to others.
"I will be out by the end of the week." I spoke with conviction, amazing myself at how strong my voice sounded. I turned from him, intending to go to the bedroom; until something stopped me.
"You don't have to." There was love in his voice. But it was a sad kind of love. It was sorrow and pain, caused by that love.
"What do you expect me to say? To do?" I whispered.
"I don't expect anything. I am just hoping that you would stay here. I do love you, I just need some time to work this out. Please."
"I would have given you time, without dissolving our contract. But, I will try; if and only if you create a separate bedroom for me. I don't know what to do but I cannot, in good conscience, sleep in there with you until we both figure this out."
"I will." I heard him sigh in relief. I guess he didn't want me to leave after all.
Don't worry, I'm sure he will soon. They all do in the end.