Two Souls
Yay...We just keep on moving and now we get to see what happens next.
On To Part 4 -->
Summary: Ron doubts his trust in his Master and Rabastan does the unthinkable.
Disclaimer: Psst…Come here…I have a secret. *Waits patiently for you to come to me* I--I own this. It is amazing huh. *Looks around at looming gazes* Oh shit, who called the men in white coats. Dammit, I thought I had escaped. I will one day. One day they will all forget that this belongs to J.K. Rowling. I sw-- *Passes out from sedation shot*
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You know, kneeling here, I am starting to doubt my decision to not tell Master what has been going on. He will be so mad when he discovers the truth but I am too far in to just give up my secrets. Since that night, when I first told Master that his brother had hurt me, he had become distant. He hasn't touched me physically in almost three weeks, and even less intimately. He just doesn't seem to want me anymore.
Damn, now you have done it. You've gone and made me admit my fears and made me cry like some overgrown girl. This won't do. But, since you have already coerced some truth out of me, I might as well tell you the rest.
I don't know what happened the next morning after he punished me. I woke early, as usual, but Master was already gone. Normally, he would have still been asleep, with the blankets haphazard around his waist and his head hanging off the bed. That morning, though, the bed was made neatly and there was no sign of life; save me. I went about my normal business but he did not return until late--extremely late.
Since then, he has been different. Honestly, I think he knows. I am wondering if he cares--at all. See, here is where the real trouble came in. Since the weekend following that punishment, I have been getting visits from Master's brother, Rudolphus.
Without fail, he comes every other eve at 5:15. Master is usually still out working and Rudolphus is done before he ever gets home. At first, he used to beat me. Close to the brink of death, he would heal me; leaving only a bruise or two that would not be questioned by Master. He knew his brother well.
After the first week, he took me--forcefully. I fought and screamed and cried but no one heard me. I was alone and bleeding when he was finished. Again, he healed me. Every other eve it happened--happens. Master never knows and never questions. Master doesn't care.
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It is over. There is nothing left. I killed him.
I’d say I didn’t mean it but we all know that would be a lie.
I don’t really know what happened. He was there, alive, and the next minute, he was dead. I just kinda snapped. Why? Because I’ll be damned if I am tossed aside, and hurt, again. *Flashback*
It is five in the eve already. He will be here soon. 15 minutes—15 minutes until it starts. I tried to quell my nervousness, my anger. There wasn’t much I could do. On my arms are bands. Both are thick and supple leather, with a loop on the inner wrist. They are donned because I know my Mater is pleased to see them. I trust him. When he sealed them in, it made me incapable of escaping unless my word is uttered. Unfortunately, after I tried to run the first time, Rudolphus gagged me just enough that I couldn’t articulate my word. I could scream, cry, react; but I couldn’t say my word. I couldn’t escape.
5:05 stands mockingly one the clock face. 10 minutes left before It starts…again. I am still trying to figure out what to do. I could leave, run, but it would only be worse next time. I would be punished by Master for disobeying and by Rudolphus, to “show me my place.”
5:10 chimes in the hall. What next? My hands must keep busy. Busy enough to make me forget; the darkness, the dirtiness, the blame. I am subjected because it is my fault—only my fault.
5:15 and I hear the door click. I decided. Then and there was the end. I kneeled before him, unlike I had done before. It threw him off balance. And the minute I felt his hesitation, I struck. I jumped up and took the quill grasped in my hand and pushed it into his eye. Before he reacted, I turned the quill outward; killing him.
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That was how Master found me. Covered in his blood, and cleaning the floor. I had to get the stain out. I knew he wouldn’t be happy. But blood is so dark; it stains so easily. The stones, the carpet, and my hands are still stained; unseen, but stained.
**** ***** ***** *Flashback* “Pet?”
I will never forget the sound of his voice. There is nothing that will erase that hollow sound. I hadn’t even heard the door close, but I hear him. Without turning, I kept scrubbing.
“Pet?” He growled, unsure of how he should feel.
I couldn’t answer to that. Why now was I his pet? Why not these past weeks? Why now? Oh yes, because I killed his brother. I wasn’t submissive.
“Ron, answer me damnit.”
I turned slowly, my eyes on his. No hint of submissiveness left. I spent weeks suffering from the man I just murdered and he treats me like this. No, I suffered for him; because of him. I’ll be damned to hell before I give in this time.
“Yes?”
“What happened?”
“I killed him.”
“And now?”
“I am trying to get the stain out. I happen to like these carpets and I’ll be pissed if he,” I pointed to the man on the floor, “ruins them.” I started to turn and then I felt it; waited for it. My body was shoved against the wall, my head slamming into the wall; his harsh breathing and the resounding thud of my head being the only sounds. Woozy, I tried to focus on the brutal man in front of me. This wasn’t my master. This was Lestrange, brother of Bella, Death Eater. This was not the man I fell in love with.
I still don’t know why but he dropped me. I don’t know if he saw it in my eyes or if I spoke aloud in my haze, but he dropped me.
I slid down the wall, coming to rest on my knees. How fitting.
“What happened?” It really is funny. I think he was more in a daze than I was. It was the same question over and over again.
“I killed him.” I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.
He visibly reigned in his anger. “I can see that. Why?”
“Because he wouldn’t stop hurting me. He told me you knew. So, I let him. It always hurt so much less. Then, you stopped seeing me. You ignored me and I knew. It had to have been a partnership. You were always gone and you never noticed how hurt I was. I trusted you.” I was crying now. I hate when I cry in front of him. It makes me feel weak. “You hate me but I trusted you. I trusted you…” End of Flashback
Back where we started, but much more intense. I am before him, on my knees, wondering why I never told him. Though, in all truth, I know why I did not tell him. Because, this time, instead of kneeling before him in trust, I kneel before him in fear. Something I would have never believed would happen. But, it has.
He took a step forward, towards me, but I fell back. I was off my knees and curled against the wall, trying to melt into it.
“Shh, please, let me see. I need to know what has frightened you little one. Please?”
He never pleaded with me. That was my job. Maybe, maybe he didn’t know. Maybe.
“I keep nothing from you.”
He took my permission and I felt it all over again. Every time Rudolphus entered me, scarred me, hurt me, humiliated me—made me worthless. I watched it before my eyes, almost detached, as Master gently probed my thoughts.
When he finished, he staggered back. I knew then, he hadn’t known. I had doubted the one man I trusted with my life. I should have known better. I should have—
Master’s soft voice interrupted my inner scolding. “I’m sorry. There is nothing that will ever make this better and I will not even ask it of you to excuse my actions. I can only say sorry.”
“Why did you ignore me?” Quietly, I spoke. I had to know.
“Because I wanted to hide my shame. I was so wrapped up in that that I did the one thing I swore I would never do—put my needs before your own. The Dark Lord has been rather kind with his intentions as of late and I did not want you to see me like that. And because of my selfishness, you have been hurt; by my own flesh and blood.”
I finally understand. I won’t forget, but I understand. He too was hiding his shame as I was hiding mine.
I guess we really are meant for each other.
Two souls who need each other to heal. Two souls who must learn to heal before we can trust.