America Chavez is the medic to the multiverse! (multiversemedic) wrote in ageofmarvels, @ 2016-02-12 00:47:00 |
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The conversation with Gert the day before left her heart aching, and filled her with even more frustration than she'd had before. How the fuck that was possible America still didn't have a clue. No matter how she thought about it, no matter what she did this whole mess did nothing but leave a heavy feeling on her chest. If she spent her life traversing universes she'd never be able to protect everyone and everything she loved, but she could stop a lot of damage to their various selves across the multiverse.... However, in doing that she'd sacrifice whatever relationships she'd have in this world for the rest of her life.... Gert was right. She could spend the rest of her life playing hero across the universes, letting it eat her whole, or.... She could cement herself here, she could bolster the relationships she had, she could.... Stop hurting those that loved her, the original people that were the reasons behind why she loved them across the universes as a whole. Thanks to that, thanks to the talk, and the night she'd spent staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to move forward, what to say, and what even to fucking think about this whole thing.... America knew what she had to do. The first step was perhaps the hardest, but it was the biggest. If she could get past this, then the rest would be easy, the rest she could let fall into place without as much stress or worry in her head. With that she'd taken flight, and it was almost surprising how easily the tank found her way back to Karolina's condo. Getting here was as if she'd just come here yesterday, or the day before. The path so perfectly remembered that it made the tank wonder if she could ever forget how to get back here, even if she tried. There had been a brief consideration for trying the door, and initially America had almost gone to land so that she could walk up the steps and go knock on the door, but then a second thought had occurred. With how things had gone the day before, perhaps Karolina wouldn't answer the door if she knocked and... This talk had to happen tonight. America had to know the results and how her relationship with Karolina was going to continue or... End. It would make a big impact on what her next decisions were.... With that in mind the tank opted to fly over the building, looping back around to land on the roof. A few more minutes were spent staring out over the landscape this roof offered with memories floating to mind of nights spent looking at the stars up here with Karolina, or coming up to find the other woman sun bathing, or.... A shake of her head was given to clear the haunting of the past away before - with a sigh - the tank grasped the fire escape and began climbing down. With each step down taken she felt her heart speeding up in her chest. There was so much in this universe - and others - that it was easy not to give a fuck about. In fact, America so rarely gave a fuck that when she actually did.... The thought was shoved away as the fifth scenario of how this could go played through her head. It was at that point the tank opted to focus on something else. Anything else. The cold metal underneath the grasp of her hands as she climbed down the fire escape. The crisp late afternoon air of the season. The was the sun was beginning to set and splash color across the skyline above her head. The colors that reminded her of Karolina.... There was a brief groan at herself for a moment before America refocused as the window that connected to the fire escape was coming into sight. There were so many different ways this could go, so many different ways Karolina could react, and so many.... Wait. Were the lights fucking off? America's eyes narrowed as she leaned in, cupping her hands around her face to block out any reflection that may be cast upon the window to ease her peering into the condo. Fuck. ..... Karolina wasn't here. A few choice curses were muttered in Spanish. In all her scenarios, in all the thoughts she'd had America always pictured Karolina here, she hadn't fully planned for if the other woman wasn't around. Well, she had thought of this possibility at least, but... With how Karolina disliked the cold, that option had been tossed to the side as unlikely pretty early on and... Well, now here America was. On the fire escape of Karolina's condo with no Karolina remotely in sight. The bruiser could let herself in. There was likely some creative way to get around things without breaking anything but... What if she wasn't welcomed here anymore? Frowning America decided on the only course of action that seemed even remotely reasonable anymore, and sat down on the fire escape with a sigh. If Karolina wasn't here, she'd just have to wait until the other woman got home before they could... Talk. Maybe she was too late, maybe it was over, but.... She had to try. With that thought - depressing as it was - America shifted, trying to get comfortable in the waning light of the sunset, and the cold winter air. It seemed like she was probably going to be in for at least a bit of a wait. Karolina made her way upstairs, keys jingling as she opened the door and slipped into the apartment. Her cheeks were still a little flushed as she let her gym bag fall to the floor. Her apartment held a lot of sentimental value, and that was one of the only reasons she hadn't traded it in for a shiny new luxury building with a gym of its own. She puttered around the kitchen, refilling her water bottle and contemplating dinner. Keeping her mind on banal thoughts helped keep them off her nagging curiosity about what Gert had been discussing with America. She hadn't asked, and her friend had offered no information as of yet. She resolved that if it was important for her to know then one of the two girls would have told her. She could remember a time when America shared almost all of the important stuff with her, but she had to face the facts that that time wasn't now. Going to the gym was a necessity in both her lines of work, but it was admittedly kind of nice to hop on a treadmill and run until all those worrisome feelings were behind her. For the moment, her thoughts weren't stuck on America, and instead she was thinking about a nice hot shower and coming up with a meal where she could use up some of her surplus of chia seeds. So when she made her way into her bedroom, she couldn't help but find it funny that just when she wasn't thinking about America for a change, the other girl just happened to appear on her fire escape. She furrowed her brow, opening up the window. "Get inside. You'll freeze out there." America had done everything she could think of to pass the time. Played on her phone, sent out a few random texts - certainly Kate would want to know that she was in town - scrolled over some social media (she'd made an account more to keep up with other people than to actually post anything herself, but maybe that would.... - tried to read some random things and hell, she'd even considered trying to shop for Karolina's birthday gift, but.... If this talk didn't go.... This was such a fucking mess. So instead, America had leaned back on the steps and tried to focus her thoughts on watching the sunset. It was beautiful on this planet. One of the things she loved about being here. The way the colors splashed across the sky, the way the light slowly crept away to reveal the stars, that way.... Thoughts continued to linger, to attempt to distract the tank from other nagging thoughts - 'Will this be the last time I ever get to watch the sunset from this fire escape?' - that would certainly color her mood, and the talk that was to be had, but... It was fucking hard not to think about this shit, not to harp on it in her own head when she was sitting here, on the god damn fire escape waiting for Karolina to get home so they could have a talk. However, after some time - and a lot of distress - lights started to flick on in the condo and America stood from where she sat on the fire escape, as anxiety - fuck she never had anxiety, how did Karolina do this to her? - filled her body. When Karolina finally noticed a brief wave was given, and as the other woman opened the window the tank folded herself in two to climb through it - not the first time - before a slight shiver pulled through her body at the changing temperatures and she reached back to push the window closed. "Not the plan." The words were firm in their resolve, but... Unusually gentle in comparison to America's normal operating mode of hard edged statements of facts. Eyes dragged over for Karolina for a moment before her gaze dipped away. Clearly she wanted to speak, wanted to say something from her posturing but instead she refrained. "You shouldn't stay in sweaty clothing. Bad for your health." There was concern there, worry in the words, even if they were - in some manner - a stalling tactic all their own. It would seem no matter what age she was, America always fell back to talking in vagueness, or taking her time to warm up to a topic when it came to matters of her life and heart. Karolina rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. Typical of America to be hanging out on a cold fire escape for god knows how long and still be more concerned about Karolina's health and habits. "Back in a second then..." She disappeared into the bathroom, peeling off her gym clothes and letting them lay rolled up on the floor. She checked her hair and splashed some water on her face before pulling on her silk kimono. She could get a proper show in once America talked about whatever she had on her mind. It didn't for one second occur to Karolina that this might be a longer conversation. She rejoined America, a patient smile on her face. "So, what's up? It must be important if you didn't call." A nod was given at Karolina's commentary about how she'd be right back and as soon as the other woman exited the room America felt herself deflating slightly with a heavy exhale. Fucking hell. Why the fuck was she so stressed out about this? Though, at not hearing the shower turn on, brows furrowed for a moment as she tried to suss out what may be going on. Then the faucet gave her a clue, and a few moments later Karolina re-emerged and.... America swallowed. Dios. How'd she missed the other women, how she wanted.... "Was..." Did America really want to do this? DId she really want to get into this? "Afraid you might not want to see me." A weak smile was offered, something a little unsure and uncomfortable. It'd been a long time since any look of that nature would have been given to karolina. Swallowing, a faint hint of nervousness crept in and the tank's eyes shifted away. "Wanted to talk about us." There was a discomfort here as America's eyes moved away, seeming to not be able to look at any one point in the room. However, at the end of the sentence she ventured a look over at Karolina, seeming almost like a person holding their breath. "If there's still an us." Karolina listened patiently, taking in what America was saying with a high degree of caution. Their relationship had had its ups and downs, and it had been a long time since the two of them could meet in a middle ground. She sat down on the end of her bed, taking a moment to think as she looked back at America. "I...well, I just...I mean, that kind of depends on you, doesn't it?" America had been the one to call things off. Karolina had spent a lot of time and effort trying to keep the peace between them, but in the end, it hadn't mattered. There had been things America needed to deal with on her own. Karolina had dutifully given the other girl space. "I guess it depends on what you wanted to talk about when you say you want to talk about us..." She glanced downward. If America wanted to get back together, she'd be thrilled, but there was a part of Karolina terrified of this being some trial thing and getting the rug yanked out from under her again. America on the other hand remained in the spot she had been standing in, only pivoting so that she could continue to face Karolina as the other woman moved. It was so queer feeling like an out of place in a location she could probably have slept walked through without a problem. "I...." Was there a delicate way to go about this? No... No, there really wasn't. The tank sighed, her eyebrows knit with consideration as hands naturally fell to her hips and her stance shifted while eyes ventured away from the other woman. "Want to talk about how stupid I am." There was another pause as if America wasn't sure where she wanted to go next, but her body language easily would display to Karolina there was still more she wanted to say. "Wanted to talk about how I missed you." A beat. "And how I fucked up." America's eyes remained turned away from Karolina's gaze as she continued trying to suss out precisely what it was that she was trying to say. "And how I love you." Then there was another break in speech were the tank's gaze finally rose, as if trying to figure out if it was safe to continue talking or not. Karolina offered the other girl a smile, though there was clearly still some trepidation in her eyes. "I love you, too. You know that..." She just wanted to be sure that this wasn't a false alarm. That America wasn't here making apologies just to get comfort now but in a few weeks would be closed off again. "Come sit down? You're making me nervous with all the pacing and posing you're doing..." She laughed, patting a spot on the bed next to her. "For what it's worth, if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, I don't think you fucked up. It's...okay to need time alone sometimes." (Maybe not so much time alone, but she had been able to more or less keep the faith alive.) There was a pause the simple response from Karolina both stung and comforted her at the same time. The other woman was taking this so well, so... Easily... It almost made America feel that much worse in the end for having asked for this space in the first place. Though, at the request for America to sit, and the laugh from the other woman, the nervousness in her posture eased and - with a minor hesitation - the tank moved across the room and sat down by Karolina's side. A moment of silence was allowed before, with a hint of doubt, America raised a hand, and slowly lowered it to come to a rest on Karolina's thigh. "What I'm getting at...." Clearly, she was still trying to figure out her words as they died off. A slow inhale was taken before it was released in a huff. "I'm back." There was a pause. "Okay?" Another moment of silence before she wetted her lips. Trying to figure out how to launch into this again. "I fucked up because I didn't ask for time alone. I shoved you away when I was at my wits end." A pause. "I fucked up because I didn't.... Try to talk to you. Even when what you wanted was, and what you were asking me for, was for me to try...." There was a slow hesitance as the tank seemed to be considering where to go. Karolina had wanted her to try, and while admittedly it had been obvious that America just hadn't known how to cope with things she had also just let that... Consume her. "I fucked up because I..." A beat. "When we agreed to try again I..." America sighed, brows furrowing with a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. "I committed to you, but not to being here. I checked out of this world. I always had you in my thoughts and I never questioned my faith to you, in you until our first break up and even after that..." The tank's voice trailed off and she shook her head with a frown. "When we agreed to try again I was checked out. I was doubtful. I asked you to be with me when I couldn't promise to be with you physically when you may have needed me to be. I fucked up because I was committed to you, as a person, but not to.... You, as a person, in this universe." Fuck, at this point she wasn't even sure if she would fully be making sense to Karolina anymore.... "And that's..." America's voice trailed off again, almost like she was losing steam, losing her nerve as her gaze dropped down. The tank shifted attempting to reach out and grasp onto one of Karolina's hands if the other woman would let her. "That's.... That's not how you build a life together." With the rather pointed words America's gaze rose to meet Karolina's, an insecurity lingering, but there was hope there too. However, it could still be hit or miss if Karolina would start getting the clue as to where America was going here… Karolina was being patient—had been patient—because it was the only way to keep her heart from getting broken. She had forced herself to hold onto the belief that this last break was only temporary because if she hadn't, she would have fallen to pieces. So a part of her had always been ready and prepared to let America back into her life and her heart. What she wasn't prepared for was America's words. She hadn't needed an apology, not really, but the other girl had come with one. It caught her off guard hearing America articulate so much of what she had failed to say during the first break up and during their tenuous do-over. Her brain scrambled to find words for how she was feeling, but mostly it was relief—overwhelming relief to not feel crazy or wounded or that she was being unfairly possessive or that she had to smile and accept all of America's secrets no matter what they were. In admitting fault, America was giving Karolina the gift of access to a lot of emotions she had kept bottled up for a while, and suddenly they were all rushing to the forefront. She grasped onto America's hand tightly, even as she started crying. At first, it was just sniffles and tears, but it quickly turned to open weeping as she let go of America's hand and instead wrapped her arms tightly around the other girl. "I love you so much." She wasn't sure the messaging was making it out through her crying. She sucked in a deep breath of air. "That's all i want...I just want you to be here." America hadn't expected the tears. Maybe she should have. Yet, regardless of them the tank tried to steel herself with a deep seated fear that somehow she'd made things a million times worse. Had she said something that had hurt Karolina? The bruiser had thought she was finally doing what was right, had finally figured out how unfair she'd been for so long, but... Had she...? Yet, in traversing the multiverse America had learned that sometimes you would never get an answer but simply had to stand by watching and accepting what would happen. So, instead of trying to ask of flurry of questions the tank sat still, holding Karolina's hand, and then gently wrapping her arms around the smaller woman when Karolina moved them into a tight hug. "Te amo." The two words were gentle, but sincere, and America moved so that one hand could tenderly stroke Karolina's hair. However, at the next sentence everything that was going on clicked, making so much more sense in her head. Maybe she didn't understand it fully but... "I can't be here all the time." These words were soft. "Just like you can't." Karolina still needed her outer space adventures. "But..." America swallowed. "I want to make this home... With you." A hand continued to stroke Karolina's hair. "I want to prove to you that I can be committed to this world, and you." Karolina understood that America might not always be physically present, but the other woman was making it clear that she wanted to be present and maybe put down some roots, something which the woman had been doing increasingly less the more she used her powers. It would be a relief for Karolina to have another person around to make the quiet hours at home seem a little less empty. She sniffled again, pulling back a bit so she could get a look at America's face. If this offer was true, she'd be seeing it more often. "I'll make some space in the closet for you," she offered with a silly grin on her face. "I think I can manage to make you a tiny bit of space in there." As Karolina pulled back America eased the hold she'd taken on the other woman. A hand slipped up to cup Karolina's cheek as the tank used a thumb to carefully wipe away a stray tear that lingered from the others face. At the next words out of Karolina's mouth a slight amused huff of air was given in response, and a slow, half smile pulled at America's lips. "I'll try not to burden your closet too much." Her thumb easily stroked over the other woman's cheek. Shifting she leaned in and placed a kiss against Karolina's forehead. "Was thinking about getting an apartment." America wasn't sure how this would go over, Karolina may want her to move in.... "Just for a while." A beat. "Prove I can actually stick around enough to be able to pay rent on a place." It was a weird sort of measure of one's ability to be around but... It also meant that she'd need to lock down work in this universe, and stick around to do the work, and pay the rent. All anchoring measures really. "It'll give us both some time to figure out how... We want to move forward with us, yeah?" The smile was slightly nervous. "I want to move forward with us...." There was a pause, something uncertain lingering. "I don't know where you want to go with us." There was something America wasn't saying, but... "I know we'd..." America shifted a bit into a more comfortable sitting position but still stayed close, still remained touching Karolina. There was a shift in her demeanor from something serious, to something a bit more lighthearted. "Mean, if we can keep our shit together for another year we may as well adopt a cat and get married." It was delivered like a joke, but there was apprehension behind it. As if it was - perhaps, just maybe - a serious offer but delivered as a joke as an attempt to test the waters of just what Karolina wanted to do with their intertwined lives. There was some small part of Karolina that was, in fact, disappointed that America didn't want to just move back in, but she knew the other girl had a point. If having her own apartment helped America actually stick around for awhile, it was worth having that buffer. "I want to move forward with us," she answered, not wanting to leave the question hanging in the air. She raised an eyebrow but was still smiling with America talked about adopting a cat and getting married. It was a little soon from getting back together to be joking like that, but that was America. She grinned, taking America's hand and placing a kiss on it. "Let's focus on finding you an apartment first before we go looking at pet rescues okay?" She let America's hand slip from her as she got out of bed. She gave a little stretch before loosening her robe. "I still need a quick shower," she informed the other woman as she crossed to the bathroom door. "But you're welcome to join me." |