rp: not all full moons go smoothly Who: Remus, Sirius. Possibly Vera if she wants? Gilbert also if he wants. What: Full Moon Where: Chez Lupin-Black When: Saturday night Why: Vera's been tweaking the Wolfsbane Potion and Remus is trying it out. He ans Sirius have also just finished a rather major fight. Rating: PG-13/R for medical violence? Ooops: I wrote a small story for my first part of the tag. Sorry?
Remus had spent Thursday the night wandering. His first stop had been a shady Muggle pub in a less-reputable part of London, at least expecting that his chances of running into Death Eaters there would be low. Luckily he didn't have to worry about work the next day, as the Full was Saturday and he had already taken Friday off. He didn't much feel like drinking, but he bought one pint in order to stop the dirty looks of the bartender. After the single pint, Remus nursed a water for several hours, earning him more dirty looks. Still, he held out until the pub closed. He'd wandered a bit, considering sleeping somewhere simple and cheap such as a park bench, but most of those were occupied and the night was fairly chilly. Eventually, Remus used his credit card to get him a room at an hourly-rate motel. The room itself stank to his strong sense of smell. Semen seemed to be soaked into everything. Remus cast a few cleaning charms on the bed and collapsed for the night.
Remus held the room for Friday night as well. He wasn't sure where things were headed between himself and Sirius. He could not even remember the last time they had been intimate-- just the two of them and no new kinks or strange experiments. That probably meant something. It was a sign Remus should have read before now. Sirius must have been losing interest in Remus.
And there was no denying that Gilbert played a role in that as well. Sirius's inflammatory words about how Remus was playing the martyr only served to convince Remus all the more that Sirius had not felt the same about Remus since Remus had attacked Gilbert. It wasn't hard to believe. After all, Remus didn't feel the same about himself either. He didn't trust himself anymore. And no one, not even Sirius-- maybe especially not serious-- could know about the shiver of joy that the attack had brought him. Remus likened it to having a rash you could not itch and one moment just letting loose and scratching it until it bled. There was a crazy satisfaction with the fulfillment of a forbidden fantasy.
But mostly, there was the guilt. It haunted his days and nights. He had nightmares about Gilbert. Whenever he saw the lad he wondered why Gilbert liked him better than Sirius. After all, Sirius had not ruined his life.
Remus's thoughts were going in circles. He finally decided he had been lying in his motel room for too long. He wasn't sure where to go. He thought for a moment of seeing Lily. She had the ability to calm him and clear his thoughts. Remus hadn't showered or shaved, though, and he felt disgusting. Of course, she had seen him worse, but he preferred also not to drag her into this mess with Sirius. James would no doubt side with Sirius, and Lily should not be expected to take sides.
Instead, Remus walked the city. He bought a modest lunch when he finally became hungry, and when his feet hurt he sat in a park and watched the children play. He left when a few mothers gave him looks ranging from uncertain to outright disgusted. He did return home briefly, though he did not run into Sirius while there. Perhaps Sirius was out. Remus tried not to care. He was only here to pick up his daily dose of Wolfsbane. Not seeing Vera, he poured the foul potion himself and swallowed it in one gulp. With no other ideas and no desire to see Sirius, Remus returned to his room at the motel. No matter how many cleaning charms he cast, it seemed to perpetually stink of semen. He lay down on the bed once again and waited for sleep that never came.
Saturday, he knew he would have to return home. He could not risk a transformation in a Muggle motel room. he could think of no place else to go. He would have to return home for another dose of Wolfsbane anyway, and his clothes and ointments and everything he needed was there. Remus thought of the many transformations he had enduring in uncomfortable places, in foreign countries and in the wilderness without so much as a clean sheet or a healing salve and he didn't think he was proud enough to keep himself from those comforts when they were available to him. Thus, Saturday late afternoon, Remus returned home.
After one more dose of Wolfsbane and no signs of Sirius, Remus locked himself in their bedroom. Clothes were strewn on the floor and it, also, stank of semen, though at least it was the familiar smell of himself and Sirius together. Remus undressed. He had the distinct impression that Sirius would not be showing up this Full, and he was trying to feel okay about that. Remus felt the chills that signaled the very beginning of his transformation, and moved to the floor to await the more painful symptoms. He thought he heard a noise outside the room, and only then did Remus realize he had stupidly forgotten to ward it against entry. He cursed and rose to find his wand, but wasn't able to get to it before the pain in his legs made him sink to the ground with a loud groan.