Liking Boys v. Gay Who: Zach & Fred What: Self-Homophobia rears it's head When: Saturday night, late (backdated) Where: A small flat, Graz, Austria Why:This exchange Warning: Unknown Status: Incomplete
Zach had gone to check the journals after a while and seen Carrow's note, and that had been why he wrote to Ernie. He hadn't expected to talk about terribly much, but when Ernie had a question, Zach had said he would answer it. And it all fell apart from there. It was a horrible shock to remember what an ass he had been, a selfish prick. It had begun to change the day he met Ernie. As soon as they had met, it hadn't been so simple. And no matter how many times Zach had written or told himself that 'it wasn't gay if' - it hadn't ever quite rung true. But he didn't deserve the chance to explain it to Ernie, not when he had been such an ass.
And Ernie, Ernie had written - Zach closed the journal hastily, closed both journals. He remained hunched over, and his eyes closed, to try to get those words seared out of his head. He wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't. No, he had only gotten a handjob from T and shagged Ernie, and what he wanted to do with Fred, what he had dreamed and daydreamed about doing with him...oh god, the way it felt to be near him, to hug him, to kiss him, the way it had felt with Fred gave him that hickey in the park...
The way it felt when Tracey had fucked him? Wait no, that wasn't gay. That most definitely wasn't gay. She was a woman, female, very very female, and if it was with her, it couldn't be gay right? Fuck. Zach wanted a smoke. Was it okay to smoke in here or better to go outside?