Log: Kurt & Tommy Who: Kurt Wagner & Tommy Kerri When: Afternoon, Thursday, May 8, 2008 Where: Teachers' rec room What: Kurt's been avoiding Tommy and Tommy's been avoiding Kurt, so it's time for an awkward conversation where they admit to being unhealthily addicted to one another. Tommy has a suggestion to solve the issue.
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Kurt was avoiding Tommy.
He was avoiding her like crazy these days, and if he saw her coming down the hall he tended to teleport out of the way. He didn't want to look guilty but he also didn't want to have to talk to her. Embarrassing. He couldn't have that. She'd kill him. She'd kill him or he'd kiss her again. Or worse. He had to work on his self-control. He was an adult. He was an adult and he could handle this. He was being absurd, thinking that he couldn't.
But still. Avoidance was good. She wanted avoidance, anyway. Which was why Kurt was all curled up on the couch in the rec room with a piece of leftover wedding cake, watching reality television. He felt so much better watching these people.
Tommy wasn't sure exactly what she felt.
She was angry at Kurt for sleeping with her, angry at herself for going along with it. It was his fault, it was her fault, and she wasn't sure how to feel. Tommy had broken up with him -- why, she only partially knew. They wanted each other, but they weren't in love. Maybe that. She was running; she was afraid, afraid of Kurt actually dying one of these days. And maybe, more than anything, he made her ache. She wanted him, too much, wanted to touch him and hold him and kiss him, with those sharp teeth and three fingered hands and that perfect blue skin, and that terrified her. Kurt Wagner made her terribly homesick, and she was torn between clinging and running -- and as usual, she'd chosen to run.
But Kurt had caught up with her, and now that he'd touched her again -- or, really, fucked her against a wall -- she hadn't stopped thinking about it. Wanting him again, missing him. Missing the home he reminded her so much of. It was way too much, and ... maybe Tommy was weak willed, but when she saw him in the rec room (where she'd been heading), she couldn't bring herself to turn around and leave.
Not that she'd been looking for him, but ... he was there anyway. She would have tried to find him eventually. "Kurt...?"
Oh. Dear.
Kurt jerked his head up, fork clattering against the plate as his hands fumbled. "Tommy!" Great, great, now what? He couldn't just teleport away now. He set the cake on the coffee table and looked over at her, sharp teeth worrying his bottom lip. "What is it?" What do you need, make it quick please. Stay ten feet away. Better yet? Fifteen. How about fifteen?
"We, um ... we need to talk." Don't run. Please don't run. Tommy felt helpless, and her base instinct was to turn and run away herself. But ... Kurt had said she couldn't keep running. He should understand. "I still think you're a jerk, by the way. Just so you know."
"Ja, I think I know," said Kurt, wrapping his arms around his knees. "So... we talk."
She didn't come any closer, not trusting herself to. "I hate you. For doing that to me. For not being able to keep it in your pants because it was like ... like having something dangled in front of me and then jerked back so damn fast. You--- Do you have any idea what you do to me? It's not fair and you only made it worse!"
Kurt tried not to listen, because after "I hate you" he really didn't want to hear it. There was a piece of cake stuck in his teeth. He focused on trying to loosen it with his tongue instead. "What do you mean it's not fair?"
"That you can just ... go to Confession, everything's fixed, you can just ... be absolved, wallow in your own guilt, but you don't have to face me with it. You get to give into your urges, but if I do something, I'm clearly a nut." Tommy was flushed, turning three different colors and not making a whole lot of sense. "And it's not fair. That thing the other day, it was about you. Forget what I want. Forget that I can't stand to be near you because you make me so homesick I don't know what to do. Forget that all that I can think about now is you and your perfect hands and your skin and your ... you. It's not fair."
Kurt was staring at her. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense. She was consistently contradictory. Clearly, she was a nut. "I... I did go to Confession and I don't feel better," he said. Like that helped. "I am more concerned about what you think than what God thinks right now. But what I think... is that we need..." He gestured: this was his bubble of space. That was hers. His, hers, his hers. "This."
Tommy frowned. "Because we know how well that worked last time." Beautifully. It had worked out fine, up against a wall.
"Well, nooooo." Kurt slowly shook his head. "No, that was because you came to my door and suddenly----" He gestured: her bubble of space got all up in his bubble of space and congealed into one bubble of space. "Because when you get too close to me, I----" Oh ho, he was short of breath now. Harsh, short breaths, and he wasn't looking at her eyes anymore. Kurt... Kurt... control yourself. Find strength in God and chastity.
"I lose my mind."
"I can't believe you're blaming me because you can't control yourself," she said softly. It was almost a compliment, but---oh, God, Kurt. Don't look at her like that. "Just because I want to---if I really wanted to---" She couldn't get it out. "It doesn't mean I lose it."
"Clearly, the problem is..." Kurt was staring at her chest. Yes, really. "Clearly the problem is that... you are attracted to me, und I am attracted to you, which... is hard to deal with when when are not..." He gestured: laced his fingers----together. "Ja? Since we do not work"----same gesture----"we should ... stay apart. With the..." Gesture. Bubble of space, bubble of space. GET IT?
"But at least let me say I am sorry...? That I hope... we can get over this?"
It would have made a lot more sense if his hands didn't look like they were imitating, well ... sex. God damn it, Tommy, pay attention. She didn't seem to be paying too much attention, watching his fingers like she was hypnotized. "I ... think ... ---I think you'll have to run that by me again. Your hands are..." Tommy gestured, linking her fingers together, imitating his motions -- which looked decidedly more suggestive when Kurt did it, but she caught the effect. "...distracting."
"Was?" He asked in German, and then he looked at her hands, then at his. Distracting? Really? Oh! He shoved his hands behind him very quickly.
A slight pause.
"I don't see why this is so hard."
"I've got a pretty good idea why this is hard, Kurt."
"We're adults! We are perfectly rational adults, we are not... we are not hormone-filled teenagers!" Kurt crawled over the back of the couch in order to get back to his feet. He stretched, grimacing at the way the brace inhibited his movement. He couldn't wait to take this damn thing off.
"Perfectly rational...? Give me a break." Tommy was a little off, and at least she admitted it. "Adults have sex, too. More than teenagers, even. Sex isn't a bad thing. I don't like being treated like a mistake. I don't like feeling like ... like I'm dirtier for doing something that I've always done, that I've never had a problem with before." What her point is, she's not entirely sure. "We live together, and avoiding each other is only going to work for so long." She didn't mean to, but she kept her hands -- and fingers -- together. Oops.
"It isn't a bad thing?" Kurt was never spiteful, but... oh come on! "You seemed to think it was a pretty bad thing the other day! You said, you did not come for that, I said I know, you said it does not mean anything, I said I know, you said it was not happening again, I said it shouldn't, and you are angry with me!" He held his hands to his head, his tail twitching. "You need to understand that my brain does not understand what it is you want. But if you talk any more I will be even more confused so just..." He held a finger to his lips. Just shut up, Tommy.
Tommy shut her mouth, but not talking seemed to be a bit of a struggle. So ... yes, she shut up, but a moment later, she blurted, "I want to sleep with you again. Constantly. All the time. I can't stop thinking about it. You remind me of home, and you and your----your perfect hands and your skin and the way you kiss, I can't stop thinking about them."
What? No, don't say that. Lalalala, Kurt wasn't listening. In fact, he put his hands to his ears. No, no no. He wasn't going to do this again. But no one had ever talked to him like that before. No one ever told him he was attractive. No one ever ... no one ever said his hands were---
"...Perfect?"
"Perfect," she repeated, a little helplessly. Once she'd started talking about him she couldn't stop. "Perfect and wonderful and---and the way you pulled me up. My hips hurt afterward and my shoulder was sore because you kissed too hard. You have this beautiful skin and those scars and the ones on your chest press into my skin when you're too close and I just...I can't stop thinking about it."
...Heh. She thought he was perfect and wonderful. Why weren't things ever this exciting while they were together? Why was it that things were suddenly so thrilling now that they were supposed to be apart? It was so wrong! Impure thoughts. Lots of them. She was making him feel kind of cocky, and he leaned against the couch in what he hoped was a suave, old-movie-star kind of way.
"Oh, you can't, can you?"
...Actually, it looked silly. Cute, but silly. "No. I can't." How many times did she have to admit it. Feeling a little more comfortable now, Tommy actually dares to come close to him, keeping the length of the couch between them, her fingers bright against the faded fabric. "And you can't stop staring at my breasts." What there was to stare at. Her shirt was loose and white today -- hardly the kind of thing to make men lust after her.
"No. I can't." Kurt's mouth twitched----as did his tail, and he took a little step forward with his bare feet. He knew what colors were there under that shirt. Besides, he liked a girl who dressed like Tommy more than a girl who trussed herself up like a harlot.
Tommy dressed to be comfortable. Sometimes it was less than others, but it was never intentionally provocative. It was just ... whatever she felt like wearing. "...You ever think life might be easier if we just ... didn't bother with a relationship...?" Another step, small, just enough for the motion but largely insignificant in the scheme of things.
Kurt chuckled. "This is what I have been trying to tell you." That gesture again: your bubble, my bubble, they can't congeal. They were close to congealing right now.
"That's not what I'm talking about." The bubble thing. Forget the bubble thing. Another step -- an actual one now, putting herself in his space. "I'm talking about ... forgetting the relationship and just enjoying being attracted to each other. And ... other things."
Kurt laughed like this was absurd. She was crazy. "I don't understand." Because that was a relationship. Hello. But she seemed kind of serious. Ooh. And kind of flirty.
There was a difference, and if anyone knew that, it was Tommy. "Forget all the drama. Forget all that insecure crap. Just---" Tommy reached over, tugging him in by his shirt. "---just the fun parts. Nobody has to know. It'll be between us." She wouldn't have thought of proposing this if he hadn't been so close. If she didn't want him so damn much.
Kurt stumbled forward, his face suddenly inches from hers. "That's so wicked." Appalled! Horrified! ...Intrigued.
"Why?" It's a foreign concept, really. "Why is it wicked? It's not hurting anybody else, it won't hurt us. Or if it does, it will hurt less than actually trying to have a relationship." Experimentally, Tommy kissed his mouth -- soft, a little suggestive, but not too much. "Is it worse to let things be or spend all your time avoiding me because you talk to my tits when we're in the same room?"
"Uhm." Kurt was a little distracted from the kiss. "Well, I." Hm. She had a point, it wasn't hurting anybody else. He touched his upper lip briefly with his tongue, nodded lightly. Thoughtfully. He smacked her on the hip with his tail. And then, he smiled, just a little.