Harry James Potter (am_harry) wrote in aftermath_rpg, @ 2008-10-12 11:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | * october 1999, - complete, harry potter |
Introspective: What Am I Going To Do?
Date: 12 October 1999
Characters: Harry
Location: Grimmauld Place
Warnings: none yet
Summary: Harry reflects on his latest journal entry.
Status: Complete / Closed
Harry stared blankly down at the entry he'd just written in his journal. He didn't know where the thought had come from, but he'd woken from another nightmare and after he was done shaking, the images started to come back to him. He'd been about to kiss Ron in the dream, and had never felt happier. Then of course, Voldemort had come and everyone had died, but for once it wasn't those images he focused on upon waking.
No, his mind conjured a shirtless Ron, standing facing him with the sun shining around him, making him glow. If he concentrated, he could bring back the feeling of utter contentment he'd felt in those first few moments, and he felt warm for the first time since waking. He could still feel Ron's hands on him, protecting him and arousing him. Realizing where his mind was going, he quickly pulled his hand from the waistband of his pajama pants and forcefully pushed the thoughts from his head, with a loud groan that made him glad he'd remembered silencing charms. The last thing he needed was for Ron to rush in to protect him from the nightmares again.
He had no right to think about Ron that way. Ron was his best friend, but only his friend. How many times had Ron referred to him as a brother? More than Harry could count. There was no way Ron felt the same, and Harry could never let Ron know. Because he knew that if Ron had an inkling of how Harry felt, he'd do his best to give Harry what he wanted. And how could he ask that from Ron? Ron deserved to find true love, and maybe he was on his way. He certainly seemed thrilled about Williamson, and if Williamson's questions were anything to go by, the older man felt the same.
So, no, Ron would never know and he'd get over feeling this way. He only had to keep reminding himself that Ron was only his best friend and sooner or later he'd come to accept that. With a deep sigh, he flopped back on his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again, even though he already knew it would be useless.