That was the worst part. Josh knew, of course. They all did. They may not discuss it, or consciously dwell, but they were all well aware where the heart of the problem truly lay. Because Josh's heart was Kevin. And Kevin...was very, very late.
He turned his head, pressing his cheek against Josh's back and drawing him close. "I know it's going to be difficult," he began, after a few moments to collect himself. "But, I want you to know that our door is always open. You are always welcome in our bed and our lives." He realized, as he said it, that the distinction was suddenly glaring. Josh had been the one in Josh and Kevin's bed. Equally loved, and equally at sea. The way his alternate now was. Loved, appreciated, made love to, but an addition all the same.
Josh would have never imagined the entire situation would turn on it's head and reverse. Could have never fathomed the men he and Kevin had grown into. A sturdy center to a larger core. The ones with the most to lose.
He pressed a kiss to Josh's back. Gentle, apologetic, but loving. "You are and always will be a part of me, Josh. My feelings for you will never change." After so many years together, that at least could be argued. "I don't want you to ever be alone, but, if you feel like you need some distance...We'll respect your wishes. I just want you to know that...all the rest: Every kiss. Every embrace. The warmth of the bed and the tangle of limbs when we're together...Whenever you need it. Whenever you want it, you just come. Come to me. Don't hesitate. Don't think about it. Don't overanalyze it. Just, do what you've always done. Find me and let me love you better - to the best of my ability."
He knew he was inadequate. Josh got more from the Kevins than he could ever hope to offer. And none of them were the right one. While that remained...there would always be the gaping loss. They'd been living around it for years now. The only reason any of them were probably sane about it, was the fact that they all had their other halves to balance them out. Even if his partner's alt's other half was constantly causing problems they all had to live around. And the fact that because Josh hadn't completely lost it, they knew Kevin was still alive. As long as he was alive...they could work out the rest. It was a waiting game. A long, endless, frustrating, agonizing waiting game. Stressful and painful and there was no real telling exactly what it was doing to Josh. But, there was hope.
And Josh would cling to that for as long as mutantly possible.