George Weasley (all_ears) wrote in afic, @ 2011-03-09 23:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !owl, character: augustus pye, character: charlie weasley, character: george weasley, player: emily, player: jessica, player: sarah |
Pye,
Belated, but, as promised, a sampler set—doubles in case you've got a friend that wants to try. I've attached a waiver, product disclosure form (kindly don't tell anyone about these unreleased products) and customer satisfaction survey, if you'd kindly sign and date them all. You'll need a witness when you sign the waiver, which says you promise not to sue or hold me responsible, and that you were under no duress when you signed. I assure you, these have all been tested prior on myself (and a few other unnamed volunteers.)
Enjoy,
-G. Weasley
___________________________
Charlie,
Figured it was best to send you these before you came home. Enjoy. Double samples, cause I know you're bored and lonely. Also, fill out the waiver, disclosure form, and customer satisfaction survey. Don't forget to sign and date.
You'll need a witness when you sign the waiver—not to test the candy, just to sign the release waiver that says you can't sue or hold me responsible.
These don't work on dragons! And dragons don't count as witnesses.
Hurry on home, before I drink this Ogden's without you.
-G
[With the each owl comes a brown paper package containing the following items in sample containers. Attached to each container are descriptions and instructions, and the aforementioned paperwork.]
Carnal Coitus Caramels get you and your partner in the mood and ready to perform with lightning speed. Directions: Chew one caramel, savoring the rich, sticky flavor. Reaction time varies between one to five minutes, given body size and height. Warnings: Do not ingest more than two in a twelve hour period, wouldbe horndogs. You're John Thomas (or Lady Jane) will thank you.
Orgasmic Opera Creams make everything orgasmic for one half hour. Directions: Chew one opera cream, savoring the liquid cream explosion in your gob. Reaction time varies between one to five minutes, given body size and height. Warnings: Witches and wizards may take up to two opera creams at once. Do not exceed more than two opera creams in a twenty-four hour period. Anything more could lead to serious chaffing.