daphne is not who you think (greenmum) wrote in afic, @ 2011-08-31 00:15:00 |
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Lavender, This may seem an odd expression of friendship, considering our history, but our recent past has become too similar, too intertwined for me to ignore. I vaguely recall the conversation at our last meeting and wanted to find out if a place of residence is still required. I am shortly to be moving out of my flat in Falmouth and as it will be vacant, you are most welcome to use it. Obviously it has room for an infant, plus a master suite and three additional rooms, which I know you are aware. I will be leaving much of the furniture as I am to be going someplace where it will be unneeded. There would be no worry on rent of any sort, just a simple upkeep of the place would be all I'd require. If you have already found someplace you are welcome to disregard the owl, but I did not think it would be of any harm to extend a hand. Sincerely, Daphne Greengrass |
Dean, It has been the obviousness of Slytherin behavior that has me writing this owl (do be careful he is a rented owl, I cannot guarantee his attitude), a personality trait that I have always believed in and attempted to deified but watching it turned on me time and time again amongst my own family, I have come to a realization; something I am quite sure you have hated in my for much longer then I have ever been aware of it. Our pride and belief of self-preservation has kept many Slytherins safe for many years, yet it also causes such hatred that I could not understand before; we did what we had too to protect ourselves from a word of dislike, we were the House no one trusted and no one wanted and so we banded together and struck out with harsh words and cruel attacks. This only made it more difficult to find an ally in the halls. It is something that carried on into adulthood, particularly after the war ended. Many purebloods were automatically seen as the enemy, doubly so if you happened to come from the Slytherin house. I gladly wrapped myself in that protection, that sense of self-pride to continue to hold my head high though I had done nothing wrong during the war years. I had protected firstly my sister and then myself and I thought that was enough to give me the right to be arrogant. It was not, and I am now realizing that is part of the reason I am so adamant these days against the government choices. Now with Diggory gone, there is a fear things will only get worse, but the hope that things will get better. I wish I could focus on that, turn all my attention on the political climate and do what I can to make this world a better place for Damien; only, my family continues to do nothing but find fault in every move I make. At first it was merely frustrating, and then it became hurtful, and now it is just childish. It made me realize the depth a person--particularly a Slytherin--will go to self-delude rather than self-protect. It has made me realize the level of self-delusion I forced upon myself. I was afraid Dean. Terrified of my impending motherhood, of our strengthening romance, the deeper feeling I daily began to have for you. Blaise was an easy escape for those few moments to both forget and a subconscious need to sabotage myself. It last but a half moment as I kissed him, and it took another moment to stop him. I realized I did not want to follow through on the sabotaging and a part of me knew I already had, wanted to do my best to hide my digression so that I could live with the now, known, understanding of what I wanted. How truly real you were in my life. I am not justifying my actions, they are unjustifiable and I deserve every iota of your dislike of me, if less of other peoples. It is also my segway into letting you know that I will no longer be living in my current flat. I have offered it to Lavender Brown as I know she is without a permanent residence, and instead I am going to London. You deserve an easier time and ability to see Damien and I need to best separate myself from the toxic views from some members of my family. The address will be forthcoming, and I do so hope, we, in some respect can rectify our relationship for our son's sake. He doesn't need the animosity growing between his parents as he ages, and I do not think my heart can take much more of it. Sincerely, Daphne |
Astoria, I love you, but this has gone on long enough. I do hope you and Terence are happy in your move, as I am sure I will be in my own. I realize that Terence believes I will see the error of my ways and return to him, but it is time I move on. My existence does not rest on his approval, for too long I have wanted and begged for it and worried on it, arguing with him in hopes that somehow those arguments would lead him to see my side. They will not, they never will. I realize this now. I am not the Greengrass he wants me to be, I am not the Greengrass you or mother or father want me to be. So instead, I must be myself. I will miss you Sissy, and I will surely--hopefully--continue to see you at Mother and Daddy's it would be heartbreaking otherwise, but I am doing as Terence requested, and separating myself completely from his presence. Take care of him Astoria, and take care of yourself. Love, Daphne |