WHO: Isaac Montague and Tracey Davis-Montague WHEN: July 27, 2005, evening WHERE: Isaac's flat WHAT: a conversation and return of her wedding ring RATING: PG
brakingcharmOne month. It was one month to the day exactly since she'd first found herself inside Isaac Montague's flat. Right after their hasty wedding at the Ministry. Their first night as a married couple had been awkward.
Essentially every night beyond that had been awkward as well. That was just one of the reasons Tracey had filed papers with the Wizengamot to end it. That was the bureaucratic end of things. The emotional separation was something more than she was prepared for. Aside from the little details, which Isaac was aware of and she had tried to ignore.
The reasons she'd agreed to his proposal were now null and void. She had double the galleons she'd asked him for. That was after returning what she owed to him. Fate had smiled on her, or so it seemed. It wasn't that simple. In the course of returning everything to the vaults, the one thing she forgot was her ring. The beautiful diamond ring that was left for her to find the morning after. The ring that she only occasionally wore and Isaac never seemed to notice. She couldn't keep it. She wouldn't keep it. But it was too much to just owl back to him. She would give him more respect than that.
Tracey drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she stood outside his flat. She might have slipped it under the door if there was room, but of course the threshold was very secure. With a quick knock, she just expected to hand the package over and leave. That was her every intention when the door opened.
isaaced Isaac had the start to a decent week, he had spoken to his solicitor and had spent a bit of time renewing his friendship with Lavender. It felt like the weekend was far enough behind him that he could begin to pretend like it hadn’t happened. He could still see Tracey in Blaise’s shirt and a very naked Blaise on the steps of her flat. It disgusted him that it was bothering him so much.
Settling into a chair with a book, he sipped a glass of wine as he read. He had decided to stay at his flat for a few days to clear his head, which mean time away from Marcus and Isolde. He was sure that the silence in the flat was deafening. He had finally flipped on the WWN to lighten to silence and to keep him from giving in and going to Flint Manor.
The knock on the door was, barely audible. He was already on his way to the kitchen when he heard it, he detoured and pulled the door open quickly expecting a fan or something. He was surprised to see Tracey standing there with a package in her hand. “Tracey?” He asked frowning at her appearance at his flat. He didn’t move to invite her in, he was in a bit of shock.
brakingcharm She’d made her decision and was in a much better frame of mind since the first time she’d been here. Or even on Sunday morning when Isaac had shown up unannounced at her shop. The, seemingly, constant tension in her shoulders was gone. So many things were going right, it almost made her worry about the other shoe dropping soon but she didn’t want to borrow trouble.
“Isaac,” she replied in quiet greeting, offering a reluctant, and very small smile. “I just came by to drop this off.” She held out the small wrapped package. It fit in the palm of her hand and was square and wrapped in brown paper. Very nondescript considering what it was and the symbolism behind it. “I should have left it in the vault but I forgot.” Extending her hand, and the box with the ring inside, she waited for Isaac to take it.
Tracey fiddled with her left hand, rubbing her thumb across the space where the ring had sit. In a way she missed it. Missed what it meant. Or should have meant. “I...” There was a long pause as she looked up to find his gaze. “Listen. I’m sorry about the other night. What I did. I shouldn’t have hit you.” Worrying her bottom lip, she quietly added.. “again.”
isaaced Isaac stared at her for the longest moment before he stuck out his hand and took the package rather reluctantly. He had a feeling he knew exactly what was in the package. “You didn’t have to..” He broke off and stepped aside to ask her inside. It was probably a bad idea but he didn’t really fancy having a row with her in the hallway outside of his flat.
He listened to her apology for the confrontation on Saturday night and he shrugged a little. “It seems to be quite normal for us, don’t apologise.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s done is done.” He felt an irrational anger and frustration creep up and he tried to fight it off. He was not going to revisit the emotions from Saturday night with her.
He glanced around the hallway as he tried to shake off the feeling in the pit of his stomach. “So I guess this is it, then?” He was staring at her, his gaze steady despite the turmoil.
brakingcharm“I did have to. It wasn’t right that I keep it, considering how things are now.” Tracey felt bad about that. She had failed. This should have been the most important experience in her life and she had failed miserably. At the invitation to enter, Tracey slipped through the opening, moving around him into the foyer, feeling even more like a stranger in his home. She had no intentions of arguing with him at this point.
She laughed softly. Sadly. “Normal that we want to hurt each other?” She didn’t want to examine the reasons too deeply or have him question them, but Isaac had hurt her. His indifference made her feel less than... “I never wanted it to be like this. I had really hoped it would work for us. I guess I was just... jealous.” There, she said it. Tracey admitted it to him and herself. “I never expected to want more than just what was on paper. I had no idea of that when we signed the contract and I hated that you ignored me when I wanted to try.” She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be. I want a real husband. A real family. That surprised me.”
Tracey lowered her gaze, ashamed that she felt she had to admit this all to him now. Once she was inside, she closed the door behind her. The sound of the latch was barely audible. “I guess it is.” There was a sadness about that statement. A finality that made her ache. Would she always be a failure at relationships? That was her past and her present. Would the future be as cruel?
But what was there left to say? ‘See you around?’ ‘Let’s stay in touch?’ She was second guessing herself to even ask this. “Do you really think we could have worked? Just being strangers?” Would his answer make this easier or more painful? Glancing down and away from him, she crossed her own arms over her chest. “I was afraid I’d fall in love with you.”
isaaced Isaac had no idea how to respond to her. She asked impossible questions and made him think about what would have happened. It was pointless. In his mind all he could see was her covered in sweat and smelling like Zabini. He frowned and waved her toward the sofa. “It is pointless to think about what could have been.” He said as he poured her a glass of the wine and refreshed his own glass.
“And falling in love with someone would be so horribly bad?” He asked quietly, his mind turning the statement over and over in his head. “I guess there was just too much standing between us to begin with.” He swallowed roughly and moved to sit on the sofa. “I think we want similar things just have completely different ideas about what it should be.” He could have cared about her, could have cherished her as his wife but Isaac wasn’t sure if he was capable of love like she wanted. He thought he had loved Lavender but his meeting with her had showed him that it had never been love, it had always been misguided caring and friendship.
brakingcharm She knew he was right and felt foolish for asking him such questions in the first place. “I suppose,” she agreed, but that didn’t mean Tracey could just click off that part of her mind and stop imagining. Isaac was her husband. It was human nature to imagine what the future will hold. Or would have held. It was all so confusing now. Grateful for the wine, she slid onto the sofa and took a healthy drink.
“No, she answered honestly, craning her neck back to keep her gaze following Isaac around the room. “Falling in love would not be so horribly bad if I knew that person could love me in return.” She was talking about Isaac. If Isaac could have loved her in return. Which Tracey had already decided would never happen. She turned toward him when he sat next to her, curling one leg under the other. The wine glass moved counter clockwise in her hands. A tell tale sign she had too much on her mind. “Yes,” Tracey nodded. “You’re probably right. Our concepts of marriage and family aren’t the same.” After a quiet moment, she laughed at herself. “And I never, in a million years, expected to be jealous of Marcus Flint.” Tracey’s bravado grew with another drink, getting near the bottom enough to hold her glass out for more. “Sure, he’s a guy, that doesn’t really get to me, but the fact that you’d want to be with him rather than me? Your wife?” She shook her head at her own stupidity and arrogance.
isaaced “You have no reason to be jealous, Tracey.” He said slowly as he sipped his drink. He plucked the bottle of wine from the table and poured more into her glass. “He understands me in some crazy way. Understands what it is like to have a pureblood father who makes demands and expectations. How fucked up someone can be after that shite.” Isaac felt oddly exposed for sharing that with her. “He and I can’t ever have a relationship like we could have. He could never be on the same level as my wife.”
“I am a fool, I’m sorry for the way I treated you.” He sighed as he leaned back. “You deserve so much better.” He tossed back the wine quickly and set aside his glass. “I want you to know that when I asked for the scheduled days to be dropped it was not out of spite or dislike, it was because I silently hoped there would be more moments like these.” He meant the current moment when they were sitting close to each other and not arguing or disagreeing but getting along partially.
brakingcharm “I had a pureblood father that looked at me with disappointment nearly every day of my life. I’m not sure which he wanted more. Me to be a wizard or that I was pureblood.” She laughed bitterly. “Which was more his fault than mine. He fucked my muggleborn mum and blamed me for coming out halfblood.” Tracey waved her hand after a moment, as if the action would fan away the bad memories. It helped. “Flint must have had it bad too.” It was just another name on the list. Perhaps the Ministry was right. Purebloods were fucked up and couldn’t raise their children. “I never got that feeling from you, Isaac. Spending time with me seemed to be a burden to you.”
She sighed, glad that they could at least get all this out in the open. “I don’t blame you. You fulfilled your side of things. I’m the one that wanted more.” Tracey sipped her second glass of wine more slowly, considering what he was saying. “I understand. I didn’t at the time. I couldn’t imagine us ever having these moments when I was never here.” Tilting her head back slightly, she looked around the flat, still trying to picture herself cosy here. It wasn’t that easy. “I thought that at least with the schedule, you’d have to sleep with me. You wouldn’t have an excuse not to.” She met his gaze and looked away. “Then you came up with one.” Tracey leaned forward, resting her glass on the table as she folded her hands together to keep them from shaking or flailing about when she talked. “Apparently my ego is more fragile than I thought. But that is neither here nor there now. I’ll remember what I learned from this.”
isaaced He frowned as she spoke about her pureblood father. There were certain things that were expected from male off spring that included continuing the blood line and keeping up the family appearance in public among other things. Isaac had never been one to follow his father’s orders and it had gone badly most of the time. He guessed that was why he could relate so easily to Marcus. The both of them had been raised in nearly the same environment with the same expectations. “You are far too easily offended and quick to take things the wrong way.” He took a deep breath and shrugged. “I’m sorry I can’t be that person, Tracey. I wanted to be but I am not sure I even have the level of affection or attention you need.” It was true, he didn’t like to spend time being affectionate and attentive, he was a bit selfish.
“You took the question about removing the schedule wrong. My intentions included spending more time with you. I hated the way we were forced to be together at certain times, I wanted joint desire to see each other.” He gestured around the living room. “Like this.” He said dismissively.
“I’m sorry it can’t work, Tracey. I do wish you the best in everything.” He leaned back against the sofa and turned his head to look at her. “What about the money, are you going to be alright there?” Despite how bad they had worked out, he still was genuinely concerned about her well being.
brakingcharm “And you are too slow in explaining yourself.” Tracey shrugged, feeling very, very alone in that moment. But she refused to show him any emotion to that effect. “I understand.” She swallowed. “Our relationship was based on a piece of parchment. I was naive to hope for anything else.” If she didn’t get out of there soon, he would see what a fool she was.
“I’m sorry the ordeal was so trying for you,” she replied bitterly. Gods he was an arse. Isaac Montague didn’t deserve her. He was the one that wasn’t worthy. Tracey just had to remember that and keep repeating it to herself.
“I’ll be fine.” Her chin jutted up with a bit of arrogance. “I’ve made a new business arrangement that is more than lucrative.” And likely less than legal. “And I’ve been given the money by someone else.” Isaac could probably guess from who. “I should never have involved you. It was just a moment of weakness.” She was referring to that day in the tea shop after her horrible appointment at Gringotts. Pushing herself to the edge of the couch, she stood up and brushed her hands across the legs of her jeans. Tracey worried her lip between teeth before saying anything else. “I’ll make sure your solicitor gets you the documents once they’re finalised. I don’t expect it to take long now. We shouldn’t have to bother each other again.” She took a step around his legs and made her way to the door.
isaaced She always made him feel so annoyed, so fucking frustrated. It made him insane that she twisted his words into something else or never took them as intended. They didn’t understand each other and the sad thing was that they never would.
Sighing, he stood and moved to escort her to the door. She had taken his concern about her finances and made it seem like he was being condescending or rude when in reality he was merely worried about her. “My solicitor will look over the documents before we sign, I would like all basis covered in the rare event that there might be a child.” It was a possibility but he doubted it. “You keep making assumptions about what I want or feel and assuming that I don’t ever want to bother you again. “ He stopped in front of the door and looked down at her. “I should hope that we still speak from time to time even if we aren’t married.” He wasn’t a monster or an arse despite what she thought.
“Thank you for returning the ring.” He said slowly, smiling at her. “If you ever need anything, I’m here Tracey.” He didn’t know what to say to her, didn’t know how to fix what was broken.
brakingcharm Tracey covered her hand over her stomach protectively and she wasn’t even sure why. It wasn’t possible. They’d had sex. A lot of sex, but never made love. She knew it didn’t take emotion to get pregnant, she just didn’t want to imagine fate would be that cruel. Slowly, she met Isaac’s gaze with a bit of true panic in her eyes. What if they’d actually accomplished what they set out to do? What would life be like then? She’d never be free of him.
Seeing Isaac, talking to him, after all this would be too hard. Too much of an exclamation point on her failure. “Maybe, in time.” It was all she could commit to. “I just need space.” Which admitted to the fact she’d cared for him and she was hurt and wanted to have time to lick her wounds. He was her husband.
Nodding, her head down, she glanced up and kissed his cheek before she could think more about it. “Same here, Isaac. Make sure someone good works on your brooms.” The comment was meant to be lighthearted. It hurt to say the words.
isaaced Isaac wasn’t heartless but he wasn’t sure what he felt for the woman who called herself his wife. Reaching out for her, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her properly. It was a good bye, something that conveyed his true feelings about her without the words that they always seemed to confuse when speaking to each other.
He let go and looked at her, he wondered if she was going to hit him. He almost raised a defensive hand to his cheek to protect it from her palm but he merely watched her. “I’m sorry.” He said finally into the silence.
brakingcharm Tracey responded to his kiss. Not indifferent to him or her fledgling desire for him. Her arms wrapped around Isaac’s shoulders long enough that when he let her go, it was awkward to step back from. Her lips were swollen from his kiss and her nerves were raw. She didn’t want to meet his gaze.
“I am too.” Her hand found his blindly and she squeezed his fingers as she reached for the door. If she didn’t get out of there immediately, she’d beg him for something more. One last backward glance was a mistake.