Aeotha wanted to tell him there was a difference between the Vel and her magic. It came from within, or so they said, as much as it came from the divine. Without being a being able to use magic simply studying it and learning a prayer, or actually praying would not help. There had to be something special about that person. She knew a good handful of Priestesses who could not use magic the way Aeotha could. Oh they could pray as long as they liked, but they were not given the gift which seemed to come so naturally. It may have taken years to hone and to draw out that power, and maybe it was simply just a gift from Lorien, but it was a part of Aeotha now. A part which seemed to be missing and she didn't know what she was left with. What was she without it? Did she need it to survive?
"It's not like air, or food, but it is something that makes me complete. I can hardly recall the days I did not have the ability to heal, the ability to create light in darkness. I can remember when it wasn't as powerful, but days when I did not have it? Too few in my long life." Aeotha was watching him. The problem was that Skandra had always lived without magic. Alchemy could be used by anyone, if the potion was already mixed, if the ingredients were right. Wasn't that how it went? But Skandra had been a soldier, Skandra had been a thief, and Skandra could fight without the aid of some holy presence. Without that light that came from within.
Aeotha could do some things, but succeed in a fight against men who could bed the laws of magic, the laws of the world with powders and potions, and all sorts of other things? She was not sure. She was not prepared to find out just yet.
"When I wasn't a Priestess I was just a girl, Skandra. I did not go off adventuring, or fighting wars. I didn't search the world for problems to fix, or people to help. I sat around a fire with my mother and spun wool. Or cooked dinner. I feel empty without the magic. I don't feel myself. Look at me. I'm covered in blood and I couldn't save someone who was suppose to be in my care. I couldn't even pick myself off the ground, you had to carry me. It's like the light has gone out, my strength is gone. Lorien can't hear me." For one moment Aeotha looked as though she was going to cry.
"I'm not saying I can't live without it. But it's very difficult to see how I'm going to make a difference against Gershul, or any of the other men we might encounter. I can only get close to so many of them with my staff. I've never fought without magic before today." Aeotha laughed, laughed at the fact that she'd never fought before being a priestess. That when she began she never thought she would have to. There were Priestesses who didn't. But that wasn't, as Skandra might put it, in the cards. Aeotha had been forced to fight, and would continue to do so. As long as it was worth doing. As long as it was right.
"How do you do this?" She asked quietly. Her eyes did not show the mirth her laughter had. "I haven't any idea how to exist without magic anymore."