Well, it isn't like I can talk. I got thrown into a life that pretty much breaks all those guidelines as a rule. And you don't really have a choice, here.
Since it doesn't look like anyone's told you yet, I'll explain things. As best I can, anyway.
This is a pocket universe of some kind. It sucks people in from all different times, places, worlds. Sometimes even stories or movies. It tosses us all through funhouse shit on a weekly basis. We can die, in a fuckload of ways, but as long as you are inside the hotel, you come back the next week (and remember every goddamn detail). Your PDA is your life. Don't use the elevator. Enjoy your fucking stay because nobody knows when you'll disappear.