InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'll be in my bunk...."

Sitting in her hotel room, Fiona let the silence settle over her like a shroud. In her lap was a small notepad, half-filled with words that she had written and crossed out a dozen times. Apologies that felt inadequate, like patching an ocean with a Band-Aid. And yet, she kept writing.

"I'm sorry I left without understanding you," she wrote, the pen pressed so hard it nearly tore the paper. "I'm sorry I expected things I never needed or wanted" Her handwriting was messy now, frantic. "I'm sorry for not realizing you already chose us"

It wasn't ambition that made her leave. It was fear - of standing still, of finding that all the dreams she had been chasing had only ever been fragments of the life she already had with Cappie. And now, with each word she has written, Fiona realized she hadn't been listing regrets; she was finding her way back to herself, to her integrity.

"I'm sorry for not trusting my heart."

Fiona's apologies to Cappie

• I'm sorry for not trusting you'd already chosen me
• I'm sorry for leaving without giving you a chance to respond
• I'm sorry for making you feel like your commitment wasn't enough
• I'm sorry for assuming you wanted marriage and children just because it seemed "next"
• I'm sorry for every time I thought you weren't serious enough about us
• I'm sorry for not seeing the life we built as something worth celebrating until it was too late
• I'm sorry for expecting you to read my mind when we fought
• I'm sorry for focusing on what wasn't there instead of what we had
• I'm sorry for not outright asking you what you wanted for our future
• I'm sorry for not realizing how my fears were affecting my expectations of you
• I'm sorry for walking out after that night instead of cooling off and talking to you
• I'm sorry for avoiding hard conversations and assuming they'd just work themselves out
• I'm sorry for leaving for Bellingham instead of staying nearby to talk things through
• I'm sorry for not realizing you were the stability I was searching for until it was too late
• I'm sorry for every time I doubted your commitment to us
• I'm sorry for being too proud to admit I was wrong about what I wanted
• I'm sorry for not trusting your silence as thoughtfulness rather than avoidance
• I'm sorry for assuming that children and marriage were things I had to want
• I'm sorry for ignoring your subtle hints about what you valued in our relationship
• I'm sorry for holding you to unspoken standards and expectations
• I'm sorry for leaving you to interpret my words rather than talking openly
• I'm sorry for unknowingly pressuring you about "the next step"
• I'm sorry for every single time I told you to "figure it out" instead of helping
• I'm sorry for doubting your reasons for not talking about the future
• I'm sorry for not recognizing the sacrifice you'd already made
• I'm sorry for every little insecurity I let impact our relationship
• I'm sorry for all the silent treatments I gave you when I was frustrated
• I'm sorry for overreacting to small things because I was afraid of bigger ones
• I'm sorry for not realizing that you were my home
• I'm sorry for every petty argument over trivial things
• I'm sorry for every time I made you feel like you had to prove your love
• I'm sorry for laughing when you wanted me to be serious
• I'm sorry for holding grudges that never really mattered
• I'm sorry for overthinking every little thing you said in the final months
• I'm sorry for letting my frustrations cloud my love for you
• I'm sorry for not telling you how proud I am of you
• I'm sorry for assuming I'd have time to say all the things left unsaid
• I'm sorry for taking your support for granted when things got busy
• I'm sorry for forgetting how much fun we could have together
• I'm sorry for not trusting you to find things out in your own way
• I'm sorry for letting my insecurities push you away
• I'm sorry for thinking stability came from my job and not from you
• I'm sorry for assuming you would come after me when I left that morning
• I'm sorry for thinking you were "too relaxed" instead of appreciating your calmness
• I'm sorry for letting my doubts turn into assumptions about you
• I'm sorry for every moment I wasn't fully present with you
• I'm sorry for not asking about your day often enough
• I'm sorry for all the playful insults that came off too harsh
• I'm sorry for all the moments I spent overthinking rather than just being there with you
• I'm sorry for taking your laughter for granted and not realizing how much I'd miss it
• I'm sorry for thinking you would wait forever
• I'm sorry for ever rushed "I love you" when they should have been savored
• I'm sorry for not realizing that you are more than I could ever want all along
• I'm sorry I left without understanding you
• I'm sorry I expected things I never needed or wanted
• I'm sorry for not realizing you had already chosen us
• I'm sorry for not trusting my heart

© tessisamess