britin1729 (britin1729) wrote in _love_qaf_fic, @ 2010-03-04 16:41:00 |
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Sometimes in their relationship, Justin needs to feel needed. After several years, one painful as fuck break up, and a long overdue reunification, Brian finally figures out how to deal with this. The sky, he realizes, doesn't come crashing down around them if he occasionally lets Justin know that he wants him around, or misses him when he's gone, or asks him to stay, even if it's just the night. And now that Brian has finally come to this realization, things have been pretty easy between them.
Sometimes, though, it's Brian who needs to feel needed. This is a little more complicated, because unlike Justin, Brian doesn't know how to ask for it. He knows how to make himself needed, knows how to make Justin beg to have him. He knows if he pins Justin's wrists to the bed, if he teases him enough, if he sets his senses on fire— then Justin will eventually start pleading with him. To fuck him. To fill him up. To give him everything he needs. Sometimes, Brian doesn't want to give in, just wants to hold Justin there, needing him forever. Doesn't want him to give him the chance to be satisfied, get what he wants, and walk away. Every once in a while, Brian wishes he didn't hate bullshit words and assurances so much.
Sometimes, Brian thinks the fact that Justin never really leaves should be enough. Despite the entire horrible ordeal being almost entirely his, Brian's, fault, Justin still came searching for him after the bashing. Despite the fact that the fiddle fuck fiasco was supposed to be true everlasting love and all of that bullshit, Justin came back. Despite the glamor of Hollywood. The pain of yet another breakup. The excitement of New York. Justin has always come back.
Until he leaves again. And sometimes, Brian just doesn't fucking know how he could possibly give him enough to keep him, to convince him to stay and make him happy. And then there are times when Brian's sure that somewhere beneath all that strength, Justin does need him. That he needs Brian in the same way that Brian needs him.
He's been there when Brian's had nothing. He's seen Brian sick. Broken. Crying. Laughing. Hurting. Loving. And sometimes Brian thinks that, after all the shit they've put each other through, they must fucking need each other. They must fucking love each other, or it wouldn't be worth it.
Sometimes, late at night, when Justin is in his arms and kissing him and whispering meaningless things to him in the darkness, when Justin is fingering the band around his finger and telling him stupid assurances he never asked for, Brian thinks that this love is enough.