I’ve always hated the first day of school. Today should feel different. It doesn’t. At least I’m registered as a junior and allowed to drive, means I can get the fuck off campus as soon as possible. Buying a car feels like the only productive thing I’ve done in the past two weeks.
I check my schedule again; straighten my tie and head to class. I’m trying to pay attention to what’s going on around me. This should be a simple detail. Someone, and we’re pretty sure it’s someone from this school, has figured out how to reprogram stolen cell phones. So I’m working undercover, again. I’m dressed like a kid, again. I spent the morning reminding Brian that I’m not fourteen…again. I can’t wait for this whole thing to be done with.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Brian was finishing up some paperwork at his desk when Carl called him into his office. They were both in bad moods. Brian didn’t even bother with a greeting. He sat across from Horvath's desk, his feet up, and waited.
“There was a robbery last night.”
“Where?”
“The Renaissance.”
“What’d they get?”
“We’re not sure yet. They cleaned out the hotel safety deposit boxes.”
“Last night? Shit, wasn’t Rendell having a fund raiser or something last night?”
Carl nodded. “And I have a feeling we’re not getting full disclosure from everyone about the contents of said hotel safe.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“I don’t know, I thought as a detective you might go and earn your fucking paycheck for once.”
Brian raised and eyebrow and Carl sat down, dry washing his face. “Sorry. I’m a little tired.”
“Little woman keeping you up at night?”
Carl shot Brian a look. Brian dropped his smirk. “Debbie okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. We’re all fine except…”
“What?’
Carl shook his head. “Nothing to worry about. How’s Justin?”
“Happy to be off desk duty, ranting about having to go undercover in a school.”
“So the same kid he was before he almost blew up.”
“Call him a kid to his face. He loves that.”
“Bring him for dinner this week. It’s been almost a month.”
“Yeah, I guess we’re both due.”
Brian watched Carl, who seemed tired. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’d be better if you were at The Renaissance solving the robbery and not standing in my office asking me questions.”
Brian nodded and left.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Justin waited a couple of minutes for the other students to find their seats. He slid into the only empty one, towards the front of the room. He knew a few of the students were looking at him, the new kid. He pulled out a notebook; pen and textbook, relieved that the teacher did nothing more than nod once and mark her attendance record.
He tried not to fall asleep as she reviewed what the class would need to know for the history test.
He moved from class to class wondering what the fuck he was doing here and how he ended up with the assignment. Was he supposed to make friends with these kids? He wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with them when he was their age… and now… what few survival skills he’d honed in high school were rusty.
At noon he sat at a remote table in the cafeteria and watched the entire school separate into their defined caste system. He contemplated where he should start on what he considered a wild goose chase.
A short kid with silver gray eyes and black hair sat down at the other end of the table. He looked up and almost but not quite, acknowledged Justin. Justin moved two chairs closer to him. “You’re in my creative writing class.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m Justin.”
The boy looked up and stared for what seemed like minutes but was probably only a few seconds. “Evan.”
“Hi.”
“Whatever.”
“So, is this place as lame as it seems?”
“More.”
“Great.”
They ate in not uncompanionable silence 'til it was time to go to class. Evan was in his Lit class as well.
Justin made it through the day relatively unscathed. Some asshole had tried to make a point about… he had no clue what the kid was trying to prove. He hadn’t proved it. He’d ended up with an uppercut to his stomach and an elbow in the solar plexus. Justin really had no patience with bullies.
When the final bell rang he headed towards his car. He drove towards the diner and belatedly realized he was still in the stupid uniform. He took a detour and let himself into the loft, digging around for a pair of jeans he was sure he’d left there. He found them, folded, in a drawer with one of his shirts and a couple of pairs of socks. Other than that the drawer was empty. Justin stared at it. He pulled the jeans out and kept staring. When did Brian give him a drawer? What had Brian done with the stuff that had been in the drawer. He knew the code to let himself into the loft. He had a drawer. He shook his head. This all was very important but his being in the loft was not as interesting to him at the moment as the food currently not in the loft. He left and headed to the diner.
He sat down and Debbie held up a finger, letting him know she’d be there in a minute. It was more like five but when she did slide across from him to take her break she put a cheeseburger fries and a coke in front of Justin. He smiled. “Thanks I’m starving.”
“You better be taking care of yourself.”
Justin closed his eyes and took a moment to gather his patience. Some people may never see him as a competent adult. The bells on the door jangled and he opened his eyes. Speaking of people who may never see him as an adult…
Debbie stood up and Brian took her place across from him. He stole a French fry off of Justin’s plate. “How was school?”
Justin shrugged. “I think they’ve made it more boring since I was that age.”
“That was last year right?”
Justin glared and Brian sat back, hands up in mock surrender. “Kidding.”
“Not fucking funny.” Justin took another bite of his burger and Brian ate another one of Justin’s fries. Debbie dropped a cup of coffee and a plate of fries in front of Brian. “Eat your own, he’s still a growing boy.”
Justin had to give Brian credit. He did his level best not to laugh. He failed…but he did try.
Justin leaned his head back. “Gimme a cigarette.”
“Are we in the smoking section?”
“We are now.”
“Speaking of hating life and Debbie.”
“We were?’
“Dinner on Sunday.”
Justin nodded and then remembered what he had been meaning to ask Brian. He leveled his gaze at Brian. “When did I get a drawer?”
Brian seemed to stop chewing for a moment. He recovered quickly. “Huh?”
“Don’t ‘huh’ me. I have a drawer, at the loft. When did that happen?”
“I don’t know. One of the cleaning ladies must have done it.”
Justin continued to stare. “I think you’re lying.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Then I think you’re creating a false reality.”
“That’s different from lying?”
Justin nodded. “We have to talk about this.”
“We just did.”
“So what were you doing today?”
“Robbery at the Renaissance.”
“When?”
“Last night.”
“While the governor was here?”
Brian nodded. “Bunch of muckity mucks, who are lying about what was in the safe deposit boxes. Bunch of muckity muck’s assistants who assure me that the person they work for is far too busy to worry about something so mundane as twenty thousand dollars worth of jewelry.”
“Sounds like fun.”
Brian shrugged and smiled. “Beats going to high school.”
Justin wadded up his napkin and threw it at Brian. He pulled money out of his wallet and dropped in on the table, picking up one of his last French fries and chewing as he walked. “I’ve gotta go. See you later.”
Brian grabbed his arm just before he was out of reach. “Go to the loft.”
Justin looked at Brian, watched him roll his bottom lip into his mouth. Felt the warm soft touch on his wrist and nodded. “But I am going home to sleep tonight.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Brian took his time with his coffee. He ate his fries slowly. He told himself that this was better for his metabolism. He told himself that Carl had not convinced him that everything was fine on the Novotny-Horvath home front and that he was just waiting for an opportunity to talk to Debbie. He denied, adamantly, even to himself, that he was just avoiding rushing after Justin like a dog in heat. Then an image flashed of Justin, naked, on the bed, on the sofa, in the shower and he dropped his money on the table and left.
When he got to the loft Justin wasn’t naked. Brian pretended he wasn’t disappointed. Besides, he told himself, it’s an easily remediable situation. He pulled Justin into his arms and kissed him. Justin kissed back. It was nice.
In the last several weeks, while Justin bitched about desk duty and Brian secretly hoped Justin could stay on desk duty for a long time, they’d had an opportunity to spend time together that wasn’t perpetually charged with adrenaline and worry. Turns out, the kid was good at Scrabble and generally not bad company, even when he was fully clothed.
Justin’s tongue slid into Brian’s mouth, his hands cupped the back of Brian’s head, bringing the man's attention back fully to the matter at hand. He let Justin lead him. They were headed towards the sofa. Brian fell back onto it and Justin let Brian pull him between his knees. Brian’s hands moved under Justin’s shirt, seeking and finding Justin’s nipple ring. Pulling it and watching with a satisfied smile as Justin responded.
Brian slid further back on the sofa, his arms wrapped around Justin, moving them together. Justin’s mouth was on his again, his body lifting a little to leave room to unbutton Brian’s shirt. Brian’s hands were sliding along Justin’s back, pushing his shirt up. They separated for a moment while Brian pulled the shirt over his head and then they were backing together as if the separation had been interminable.
Justin sat up, one knee resting on the sofa beside Brian’s hip, the other foot flat on the floor. Brian’s hands worked Justin’s fly. He groaned as Justin lifted his hips enough for his jeans to be pushed down. He pulled his free leg from the denim and let it ball around his knee which was currently trapped between Brian and the white leather sofa.
Brian sat up, pushing Justin backwards. He kissed Justin’s neck and then moved to his cock. He didn’t bother to lick the beautiful bead of pre-come; instead he took him fully into his mouth.
Justin bucked into Brian. Brian continued to lick and suck him, reveling in the taste and feel of Justin’s desire. He felt Justin pulling at his hair, warning him he was close. His hand rested on Justin’s belly, stroking and soothing. Brian enjoyed the feeling of the soft skin and the flutter of his stomach muscles as he feathered his fingers over the spot just above Justin’s pubes. He listened to the soft sighs and grunts and worked his tongue around the shaft. His free hand cupped Justin’s balls, rotating them, pressing at the spot just behind them. He felt Justin’s body bow and tense and tasted his orgasm, savoring it on his tongue. They stayed like that for a few moments. Brian holding Justin’s softening cock inside his mouth. Justin running his fingers through Brian’s hair and catching his breath.
When Brian sat up Justin stayed on his back for a minute, seemingly recuperating. When he sat up his hands moved towards Brian’s fly. He could see the small damp spot on his pants, the results of being ignored. He attempted to reciprocate but Brian shook his head. He leaned in whispering hot against Justin’s ear. “I want to fuck you.”
Justin nodded. Brian offered his hand and Justin took it. They moved towards the bedroom. Justin lay on his stomach; his head resting on the pillow, his legs spread a little, his left leg bent at just the right angle. Brian took a deep calming breath. He was about to unzip his fly when he noticed a dark red line on Justin’s back; it was just starting to turn purple. He ran his fingers over it softly. “What the fuck is that?”
Justin looked back over his shoulder and then shrugged. “Nothing. Some asshole trying to let me know that he runs the school or something.”
Brian sat down next to Justin. He heard him sigh. “Brian, it’s high school. There will be bullies. And I will continue to take them down.”
Brian smiled. “You took him out?”
“Down. If I took him out I’d get expelled.”
“So get expelled.”
“But then it’ll go on my permanent record and I’ll never get into college.”
Brian laughed. Justin rolled over and Brian knew it was because Justin didn’t want him looking at the bruises anymore. Didn’t matter. He had dark finger marks on his biceps.
Justin followed his gaze and rolled his eyes. “I bruise easily. It’s this china doll skin I have. Trust me when I tell you I can handle myself with a couple of stupid kids who are intent on proclaiming their dominance over all that is new and therefore frightening.”
Brian nodded. It’s not that he didn’t believe Justin couldn’t take care of himself, it’s that he knew, from cases he’d worked, that these things could get out of hand.
“Now, you were going to fuck me. Or have a few bruises turned you off? Because, you know, if I have to find a new fuck buddy… well…”
Brian half laughed, half growled and before he could cover Justin's body with his own Justin was on his knees, his face resting in the pillow, his ass I the air. “Does this help?’
Brian didn’t know what to say so he decided to go with what worked. He reached for a condom and lube. Justin’s reaction was immediate as Brian worked the lube all over Justin’s thighs and cock before he slid a long finger inside him.
When he pressed his own cock between Justin’s thighs, letting the slick slide bring them both to the brink he heard Justin gasp his name. He pulled back then. Giving them a minute to calm down before he pressed inside Justin, feeling the tight heat, feeling Justin’s body seem to open up to him and relax around him at the same time. He moved slowly at first, determined to make this last. In the end, it was a pointless endeavor. They both came and collapsed. Brian shifted his weight off of Justin and twisted a lock of blond hair around his finger.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Forty minutes later Justin woke with a start. Brian’s arm was slung over his chest and his breath was hot on his neck. He pulled away.
Brian woke up. Justin ran a hand through his hair. Brian reached out for his hand and he let him take it. “Still?”
Justin nodded. “It’s only been a couple of weeks.”
“But I thought the shrink cleared you for duty.”
“She did. So did the doctor. Doesn’t mean I won’t have nightmares for a little while.”
“You haven’t been sleeping much.”
“That’s kind of what happens with nightmares.”
“So how are you going to perform well on all those tests and get your homework done?”
Justin glared. “Don’t fucking get cute.”
Brian sat up. “Just trying not to make a huge issue of things that seem to piss you off when they’re mentioned.”
“I’m not pissed off.”
Justin looked at Brian and then felt the tension in his own jaw. Felt his fists balled and his arms crossed over his chest. He laughed. “I’m a little tense.”
“I can fix that.”
Justin shook his head. “I’m going home.”
Brian nodded. “You gonna be able to sleep?”
“I’m going to try. This insomnia thing… sucks.”
“I’ve heard.”
Justin leaned over, knocking his shoulder against Brian’s. “How much sleep have you gotten in the last few weeks.”
Brian lit a cigarette. “We’re talking about you.”
Justin nodded and leaned over to kiss Brian. “Thought so.” He stood up, found his jeans and then seemed to remember something. He turned as he zipped up. “The drawer thing.”
Brian raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t mind so much.”
Brian exhaled slowly. “It’s more convenient when you’re here naked, for you to, you know, have a place for clothes once we have to leave the loft.”
“I’m all about geographical convenience.”
“I’ve heard that about you.”
Justin shoved his uniform into his backpack, which was still resting against the dresser where he’d left it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Brian’s POV
I shower and debate the option of Woody's. I can feel myself starting to actually think about this thing with Justin and that’s never a good idea.
I wanted to ask him to stay. I didn’t. Not just because he made it clear that he didn’t want me to Not just because he spends as many nights here as not, and now, with him having a drawer, it’s starting to get into a mode that feels a lot like living together. It’s honestly because as much as I want him here, as much as his physical presence keeps me from panicking about what might have happened to him, I need to get over that.
He also needs to learn to sleep alone. He’s working on it but he still wakes up with nightmares. He says they’ve changed; they’re not the ones he had about Pitcairn. I don’t care what the details are; I just want him to be able to sleep through the night. He always seems more tired when I see him after he’s slept in his own bed. I wonder if he actually sleeps at all when he’s home. I hope so. I doubt it.
I check my hair. I change my shirt again and I head to Woody’s.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Justin’s POV
I get home and it’s almost eight. I look at the assignments I’m supposed to be catching up on and email my mother, there’s a couple of disks in a box of my high school stuff. I think I’ve got a lot of this shit done already. The rest, well, I’ll just cut and paste from some online site. What are they going to do? prevent me from getting into a good school?
I push the books aside and wonder about the cell phone thing. That lasts for almost two minutes before I get bored. I think about taking something to help me sleep but they leave me groggy in the morning.
I think about my stuff, folded neatly in a drawer. I think about the drawer and the fact that it’s in Brian’s loft. He said he loved me. he thought I was dead. I really wonder what his reaction would be to a limp partners wrist when he knew it had a pulse. He confuses me. just when I think I have him figured out… he gets weird.
I look for my ipod and realize I left it in my car. My car. Speaking of weird. Brian could not have been more controlling. I had no issue with him coming with me. nothing more boring than paperwork. The haggling part was, I admit, fun to watch. Of course once he’d talked them down to what they swore was their best price I got up and walked. They cut the price by another fifteen hundred. It’s fun to play bad cop worse cop.
I think about going to my car to get my ipod. I think about going out. In the end I watch some TV in bed.
At eleven thirty it’s clear I’m nowhere near sleep. I grab my dark blue jeans and a too tight white t-shirt and head out.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Brian downed a shot and then turned his attention to the local talent while he drank his beer. He was silently propositioning a guy at the end of the bar with his eyebrows and a slow grin. He’d almost sealed the deal when Michael was suddenly at his elbow. “Pool?”
Brian nodded, shrugging to his potential trick. He followed Michael to the table. “I haven’t seen you around much.”
“I’ve been working nights.”
“Yeah but Ma says you went back to days two weeks ago.”
Brian shrugged. “Justin was a little freaked. He needed some help.”
“From you?”
Brian lined up his shot. “I’m his partner.”
“Well, I missed you.”
Brian looked up. “I’ve been around.”
“Not like you used to be. Is there something going on between you and Justin?”
Brian shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Maybe? Since when does Brian Kinney not know where he stands with a trick?”
“He’s not a trick, he’s my partner.”
“At work.”
“Yeah, I’m a cop. Cops have partners.”
“I have a partner. I’m not a cop.”
“Not the same thing Michael.”
“Well, why don’t you bring him to dinner. Ben and I were going to have some people over and…”
“We’re not those kind of partners.”
“So…”
Brian shook his head. “Just let it go.”
“I will… if you come to dinner.”
“Fine, but promise me Ben’s not cooking.”
Michael laughed. “I promise.”
Brian sank another ball. He and Michael joked and laughed and when Emmett and Ted joined them, and Brian had thoroughly trounced Michael at pool, they all moved on to Babylon.
“I miss your little partner.” Emmett yelled over the crowd.
Brian arched an eyebrow. “Really?”
Emmett nodded. “He was hot. Why didn’t he just quit the force and keep working here?”
Brian looked around at the boys dancing in cages. He shook his head. “He’s a cop.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine.”
Brian ordered another drink and then moved through the dance floor pulling a beautiful shirtless man with him to the back room. He was, for the moment, insanely glad someone had purchased Babylon lock stock and barrel, at what he was sure was a cut-rate price. In less than a week it had been reopened and seemingly unchanged.
He leaned his head against the wall, letting the man’s mouth work his cock. He saw a flash of familiar blond hair out of the corner of his eye. He watched as Justin’s eyes narrowed and locked with his. their bodies were being serviced by random tricks, neither of them dropped the others gaze. Brian resisted the urge to reach his hand out. Justin was just out of reach, and he wanted to touch him. he satisfied himself with holding the tricks hair in his fist and watching Justin’s expression as he came. It wasn’t the same look Justin got when they were together. there was no soft smile, no moment of floating bliss. There did seem to be some sort of relief. His shoulders and back seemed less tense.
Brian came at the same time Justin did. as soon as they were free of the men they’d been using as inadequate substitutes they moved towards each other. Brian ran his hands through Justin’s hair let his thumb stroke the soft skin of Justin’s cheek as they kissed passionately. Justin’s hands were pulling Brian down, his lips soft and wet against Brian’s. when they pulled apart Brian’s teeth caught Justin’s lip and held it for a moment, pulling it with him before he let go. Justin wrapped an arm around Brian’s waist. Brian draped his own arm over Justin’s shoulder and kissed his temple. He decided not to say anything about Justin having sworn he was going home to sleep.
They headed towards the bar and Brian gestured for four tequila shooters. Clearly sleep was not coming naturally to either of them this evening. Justin downed his second shot. “Let’s dance.” He pulled Brian onto the dance floor and they moved together. Brian knew Michael was watching him and he didn’t care. He nuzzled Justin’s neck and then sucked his earlobe. “Shouldn’t you be doing your homework?”
Justin pushed Brian’s shirt aside, kissing the exposed collarbone beneath his wife beater. “Fuck it. I don’t care if I flunk out. Besides, couldn’t sleep.”
Brian wanted to see his expression but pulled him closer instead, his knee bending, their bodies perfectly aligned. “You should talk to a doctor. Maybe there’s something you can take.”
Justin shook his head and then bit Brian’s nipple through the soft cotton of his shirt. “This works. I’ll wear myself out on the dance floor, drink until I’m ready to pass out and then…”
“Pass out?” Brian completed helpfully.
“Exactly.”
“A time honored tradition.”
Justin's hands were caressing Brian’s neck and back. One moved between them to palm Brian’s cock. “I say don’t fuck with what works.”
Brian nodded and resisted the urge to pull Justin into the back room. Brian moved a finger to Justin’s mouth. He sucked, Brian moaned. Justin moved Brian’s free hand to his cock. Brian pulled back a little, he was still tentative around Justin at times. The smallest movements could sometimes throw the kid. He slid his knee between Justin’s thighs and lowered his head to kiss Justin’s neck. they were both drunk and horny. Justin led them back towards the bar.
Ted and Michael were gone. Brian mentioned it. Justin shrugged. he was draped around Brian. biting his nipples playfully through his t-shirt. Smiling up at him, if a little sloppily. “I don’t care who else is here.” Brian believed him.
It was after one am. Emmett finished dancing with a short Latino man and brought him back for a drink. Brian smirked, Justin winked, and Emmett ran his hand through Justin’s hair. “You look tired sweetie.”
Justin smiled and downed another shot. “I’m fine.”
Brian draped an arm over Justin. “You’ve got school in the morning princess. Let’s get you to bed.”
“Mmm… bed sounds good. But it has to be mine. I need my uniform for tomorrow.”
Brian groaned. “I hate your place.”
Justin pulled Brian’s head down, leaning their foreheads together, their noses touching. “No you don’t.”
Justin headed towards his car. Brian pulled him back. “You’re drunk. I’ll drive.”
Justin seemed about to argue but then just shook his head. “Means you have to drive me to my car tomorrow.”
“I thought you were supposed to take the bus to school. That’s what students do.”
“I’m only pretending to be a student 'til we figure out who’s reprogramming and selling those cell phones, then I’m back to working as a grown up.”
“Back to it? Funny, you’ve been a twink, and then spent two weeks behind a desk and now you’re in high school, at this rate, you’ll be in grade school for your next assignment.”
Justin pushed at Brian’s chest playfully and then headed towards his car. Brian’s head cleared long enough to stop him. “I’ll drive you back tomorrow morning.”
Justin climbed into the passenger side of the jeep. He fumbled with his seatbelt until Brian ran out of patience and clicked it into place for him. “You’re drunk.”
“So’re you and you’re being an asshole.” Justin relaxed his grip a little. He sighed and leaned his head back. “I’m gonna need you to fuck the shit out of me. I have to sleep.”
“Me fucking the shit out of you helps?”
Justin hit Brian’s arem lightly without opening his eyes. “You know it does. It’s that endorphin thing.”
“Your backroom antics didn’t do the trick?”
“I did the trick, but it’s not the same.”
Brian took his eyes off the road long enough to look at Justin. His eyes were still closed, and maybe he was a little drunker than he had originally thought. “What happened today, really?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary. I hate high school.”
“I think you’re supposed to.”
“Yeah. So let’s not talk about it, okay?”
Brian remained silent on the rest of the ride to Justin’s apartment. Justin leaned against him in the elevator. He seemed to become a little more alert when they got to his door. He unlocked the top and bottom lock. “It’s more annoying with two locks.”
“It’s safer.”
“Yeah, my partner can’t break down my door for no apparent reason anymore. You know you owe me 750 bucks, because I’m never getting my security deposit back.”
Brian locked both locks behind him and followed Justin into the bedroom. The mark on Justin’s back was more pronounced now. Brian touched it and Justin turned, moving away from Brian’s hand. “Cut it out.”
“What happened?”
“I told you already. Let it go.” Justin dropped his pants and fell back onto the bed. I’m tired; I’ll probably sleep even if you don’t fuck me. You can go.
Brian stared at him and tried to focus on what the right thing to do was. It was difficult as Justin stroked his cock, his mouth open, his tongue darting out and wetting his lips.
Brian gave up the internal struggle and dropped his pants. Justin needed to sleep. He’d do this for Justin.
When he covered Justin’s body with his own he felt him smile against his shoulder. “You’re so fucking easy.”
Brian laughed into Justin’s hair. “I guess I am, but good news, so are you.”
“Only because you’re really good at this.”
“At fucking?”
“Yeah. You’re like, good.”
“And you’re still, like, drunk.”
“Just a little.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
He’s right, I am drunk. I’m not drunk enough though. I can’t believe I have to be at fucking school in the morning. I don’t want to think about it but, good news, I have the world’s best distraction currently intent on distracting me.
He’s licking my neck, and if I don’t respond soon he’ll be sucking on it and then I’ll have to go to school with a hickey… joy. I wrap my legs around his waist. Good, his mouth circumnavigates my chin and then his tongue is in my mouth, but that’s nowhere near where I want it. I try to roll underneath him but I can’t. He’s got me trapped. I close my eyes and I feel him on top of me. It’s good, and then it isn’t. I open my eyes, try to focus on the fact that this is Brian, the man who, when I’m passed out and he thinks I’m dead, will admit he loves me, and not someone with malicious intent.
It doesn’t work. He feels it. He pulls back, almost entirely off of me. I feel his thumb stroke my face and then under my eye. FUCK. I’m crying. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to. I’m just too fucking drunk.
I roll away from him and pull the blanket over my shoulder. “Go home Brian. I’ll take the bus tomorrow.”
He’s not leaving though. He doesn’t say anything, and that’s good. I don’t want to hear the pity in his voice, or the frustration, and I know he feels both. He just stays, on his back, I put my arm over the covers, and he takes my hand. I fall asleep like that.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I’m staring at a crack in the ceiling and I wish I didn’t know what just happened, but I do. I pushed too hard and I scared him… again.
The bully thing at school, not an issue. Kid can take care of himself, but the moment he lets his mind drift…the moment I let his mind drift he starts to feel trapped. He’s asleep, but I’m still holding his hand. I want to pull him closer but that’s what started his panic attack in the first place. I’m almost afraid to move. I just continue to stare at the stupid crack in the plaster and hope he sleeps through the night. One of us should.
Almost two hours later I’ve drifted off but I wake because he does. I look closely… no… he’s not awake, not yet, he will be in a minute. He’s talking. I want to listen, hoping he’ll say something meaningful that will tell me how to deal with this, how to help him. More importantly, I want to see if I can soothe him, keep him from waking at all. He doesn’t have to be up for three more hours. He could use the sleep.
He turns in his sleep and he’s facing me. I move a little making quiet, meaningless sounds, stroking his shoulder and arm, not letting my hands move anywhere near his wrists. Tried that once. Mistake. He sat up so quickly he split my lip, banged his elbow, and almost knocked his head against the wall. Yeah, wrists are off limits when he’s like this.
I run my fingers through his hair, and the murmuring from me seems to help because his stops. His entire body seems to relax a little and he’s back to sleeping normally. Great. Now who’s going to get me back to sleep? I don’t want to move. I don’t want to disturb him… so I just count his breaths, and consider what I learned about the Renaissance robbery today. Not a hell of a lot but I still have a few people left to interview.
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
Justin woke up and stretched. He felt rested, for the first time in weeks. He turned and smiled. Brian was still asleep. He leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth. Brian’s lips twitched in his sleep and Justin's hands just reveled in the feel of Brian’s skin under his fingertips. He felt the slight change in his breathing, the tenseness in his muscles and knew Brian was awake now, and feigning sleep. He didn’t care. He slid lower, pushing Brian’s legs apart, leaving soft kisses on the inside of his thighs. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Brian’s hand move towards him, and then flop back. Justin bit back his grin. If Brian wanted to fake it a little longer, he was more than happy to play this game.
His tongue flicked out and licked lightly at Brian’s balls, his hand cradling them as he buried himself between Brian’s legs and slowly parted his cheeks. He could feel Brian trying not to respond. It didn’t matter. Justin used his tongue to flick and play with the soft tender folds of skin around Brian’s asshole, watching them turn a darker shade of pink. He moaned to himself as he watched his own saliva drip. Brian shifted a little and Justin didn’t say a word, he prodded the area with his tongue, sliding it inside just a little. Brian moaned, but made no other move.
Justin pushed at his hip and Brian rolled over. He knew Brian was awake now, but apparently, if neither of them acknowledged it, then this was fine. He moved up Brian’s body, grabbing a condom and lube. Kissing his way back down Brian’s back until he was swirling his tongue in the small dimples just above his ass.
He felt Brian rise up, infinitesimally, on his knees, pressing himself into Justin’s face. Justin's smile was wide; it amused him how Brian was so adamant about pretending not to enjoy being fucked. It also amused him how clearly it was exactly what Brian wanted at the moment.
He pushed a slick finger inside of him and bit back his own gasp when he felt the wet heat surrounding his finger, knowing how it felt around his cock. He took a few breaths to steady himself.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Well, this is new. He usually wakes up too shaken to do much but sit and pull himself together. That’s not what he’s doing now.
He wants to fuck me. I’ve known it since I first felt his fingers near my ass. Makes sense. I scared him last night. I moved to fast, was a little too drunk to remember not to let him feel trapped. He wants to run this show, so I’ll let him.
He thinks he’s being sneaky. He knows I’m awake. I know he knows and yet, we’re not going to talk. His finger slides into me and then… I can’t exactly remember again who this is for. Is this my punishment for scaring him last night? If it is, we’re going to have to come up with a new system. I don’t think this qualifies as punishment. I already feel wet and open before he starts with his fingers but now he’s curved two of them inside me, stroking my prostate. I’m shaking a little and he’s moving slowly. Not gently, I think he’s just enjoying this.
I bite the pillowcase a little. I am not going to admit I’m awake yet. I feel the wide head of his cock press into me and I can’t help it, I push back. His hand is on my hip now as he slides out and then back in, his other hand is stroking my cock. I want him to stop. If he keeps up like this I’m going to come in record time.
He seems to sense it. He stops, he’s not even moving now, just stroking my belly, and I feel the overwhelming surge recede. He’s fucking me again, pulling me up 'til I’m on my knees, legs spread under him. His cock drags over my prostate and I know he feels the effect it has on my body. He does it again. After a few more short thrusts he stops. I feel him inside me, filling me, but he’s not moving.
“You have to ask, Brian.”
He changed the rules. Fucker. Literally.
I don’t say a word and he’s back to fucking me, hard and rough and hot. I move my head against the pillowcase to wipe the sweat before it runs into my eyes. His hands are moving up my chest now, pulling at my nipples. I bite back any sound and hold my body still, my orgasm building. He stops.
“Not 'til you ask.”
He’s touching me gently again, not moving inside me and I’m close, and then my breathing slows and he starts to move again. I lose count of how often he does this. I don’t know how he keeps himself from coming but finally, I realize that what I really want is to come, and the fact that a couple of words are keeping that from happening seems silly.
“I want to come, Justin.”
He wraps a warm slicked hand around my cock. “Me too, Brian.”
And when he pulls back and pushes in one more time we both come.
He pulls out, tosses the condom and rolls onto his back. I roll over 'til we’re both staring at the crack in the ceiling.
“I need to shower. I have to be at school in an hour.”
I moved to get up but he rolls over on top of me and kisses me. “That wasn’t punishment you know.”
I nod, but I’m not sure I believe him. I start to believe him when I’m fucking him in the shower and he doesn’t squirm away, even when he’s pressed against the tile, my arms around his waist.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Brian’s watching me get dressed and I’d like to curse the uniform again. He’s got this gleam in his eye and I can’t believe what a pervert he is. It’s one thing to get off on the whorish little things I wore as a go-go boy. I mean, that’s the point of those costumes, right? This is just gray pants, a white shirt and the world’s ugliest tie. Yellow, green and navy, just… wrong. The green blazer is what does it though. I put that on and I can’t tell if he wants to fuck me or bend me over his knee and spank me, or one, then the other, but whatever he’s planning, it’s… I shake my head at him.
“It’s a uniform. Like my work uniform.”
“You probably look hot in that too.”
I sigh. Really, it’s hopeless. He’s hopeless. He pulls on his jeans and shirt from last night.
“I guess I should give you a drawer.”
He looks at me and then shakes his head. “The loft is better.”
I want to argue but he’s kind of right. The loft is closer to Woody’s and Babylon and the diner and him… it’s better.
I just shrug. “The bottom one is empty, you can use it if you want.” He doesn’t say anything and I would love to know what he’s thinking right now. Yeah, good luck with that. “C’mon, if we leave now you can buy me breakfast at the diner.”
He looks at me, and I smile. “yes, I’ll be at the loft after work, I mean school.”
He grimaces. “After school. I shouldn’t be fucking someone who can even say that and mean it.”
I lean in to kiss him while he fingers my tie. “You didn’t fuck me, I fucked you.”