part 1 ((stupid 4300 character limit))
<"Are you?">
Two words. Tender words Caring words. Words that could have, should have, bridged the divide between them but instead brought back everything Angel had managed to lodge in the demon's skull along with his blade.
His jaw tightened, biting back the words that wanted to leap out and set upon the mortal like a pack of feral dogs. To rip and bit and tear away the last vestiges of their friend ship like the final scraps of flesh from tooth scared bone.
Instead he remained silent, concentrating on the examination of the more tangible remains in the room or at least hiding how hard Angel found it to focus on anything but the lone living soul near-by.
The thank you brought another rush of emotion, another wave of anger blown by a storm of guilt and lit by the white hot pain in his chest and Angel found himself jabbing the point of his sword into the slain creature at his feet as a floodgate when Wesley's apology echoed in his ears.
Why wouldn't he just go. Just leave already damn it. Stop being so friendly, so nice, so human. He could live anger and insults and recriminations. Angel could handle the sting of cruel words, it gave him strength for his own, the bitter ones he had to say to drive them away, to show them that this wasn't where they should be, where they weren't wanted. He needed their hatred to help him tell the lies they had to hear. But this?
Give him hell, give me torture, drop him in a tank of holy water tied to a crucifix, anything but this. Anything but kindness.
Anything but fuel for regret.
<"I don't suppose you would tell us why?">
"Why?" The word slipped from his lips before he knew it was even on the way. "You really want to know why?" He found himself asking, his body rising from its crouch to stand tall, his dark eyes at least seeking out the Englishman's
"Why?" He asked again, the growing edge to his tone turning cold on the single syllable. "This is why!" Angel snapped, driving the tip of his blade through one of the creatures already clouding eyes. "This, all of this. What would you have done if I hadn't shown up? You want to get killed? What if Cordelia was here? You want to get her killed too? She's not a Slayer and you're not a Watcher. Not anymore. That's why! You can't do this, Neither of you can, not forever but I can. I'm the immortal here, I get stabbed through the gut I can walk away. You want to put Cordelia through that? Again? Next time it won't be some piece of steel re-bar Wes," Angel practically spit out the name as anger took the drivers seat, pressing down on the gas harder with each word, "It'll be a sword or an axe or a claw and she won't walk away from it, none of you will."
With a sickening squelch Angel jerked his weapon clear of the beast's head for the second time that night, the hilt of the sword spinning in Angels hand as he reversed his grip while his free hand grabbed the once Watcher by his shirt front before using both to shove him against the nearest wall the keen blade pressed to Wesley's throat.
That stopped him. Maybe Wes caught it in the expression that flashed across Angel's face before he let go and stepped back maybe he didn't. It didn't matter. Not now and maybe not ever.
Angel took another step back then turned away. He'd wanted to hurt Wes. Angel had felt it, felt the muscles in his arm tense for the killing blow. Back at Caritas he'd felt it to, felt the urge to reach out and hurt him, physically but compared to this time... This time he'd been a hairs breadth from doing it. If Wes had breathed too deeply he might of.