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Tweak says, "Kitties steal your air supply"

Sirius Black (first_sirius) wrote in _firstwar_hist,
@ 2009-11-30 22:03:00

Entry tags:

* complete, 1977, andromeda tonks, sirius black

Characters: Sirius Black and Andromeda Tonks
Date: July, 1977
Location: Tonks Residence
Rating: PG?
Summary: In which Sirius and Andromeda attempt to sort out how to interact without Sirius leaving in a huff. It mostly works. Sort of.
Status: Complete

The first conversation had gone well. Had been easy. Almost natural. It was reasonable that she would have sought him out. She'd left. He'd left. For different reasons, really- or maybe, deep down, it was the same reason. It was still strange to try to frame it in that terms, though, that his leaving had been like hers. In his mind, there was some sort of intrinsic, undefinable difference vested in the circumstances. But they'd both left. He'd eventually relented to her gentle inquiries though he'd have much preferred the conversation to stay centered around her explaining her own departure. All in all, it had gone well. He'd been happy that she was happy.

So it was strange when their second conversation had gone so poorly. Intellectually, he knew that they way her leaving had been treated, the way it had been explained to him had been a little warped. She'd tried to owl him, to explain things, but his mother had found those letters in short order. And then it had been six years of silence. Six years of behaving as if she had died. His family's view of her leaving may have been skewed, but the pain of it had been real. A pain they weren't allowed to acknowledge, let alone talk about. Bella had only ever talked about it once, one last time to explain the way of it to him, and then she'd never said her sister's name again. It was supposed to have been like Andromeda had died, only they'd never been permitted to grieve the loss. At ten years old, it had been difficult to understand apart from the hurt of it. Even though he thought about it differently now, understood that she'd needed to leave, it didn't erase the past hurt.

And it didn't help that James's wariness of all things Black apart from Sirius did little to put Sirius at ease. He relied on James's moral compass, especially when it came to matters of his family. Under the name Tonks, despite her being disowned, James still saw a Black. The third and fourth conversations had been equally awkward, also ending with Sirius leaving. He just had no idea how to be, how to behave around her. She was a Black, only she wasn't. He'd renounced her, but only because she'd left and he'd been too young to know to do any differently. Only he'd left, too. So they were the same. Only they weren't. And it had been six years. He was so different from the ten-year-old he'd been when she'd left. And she was... a mother. A wife and a mother and a Tonks. It wasn't like with Bella, who had so easily, so visibly still been a Black under the name Lestrange.

But it had been a month. A month since they'd tried doing this, since they'd said much of anything to each other. He got the feeling she was waiting. Or giving him space. Or something- the not knowing, the not understanding how or what she was thinking just by looking at her felt strange.

But he was at her door. The why was still a little ambiguous. But he was there. He wanted it to work. He wanted for there to be something between them, he just had no idea what it might look like. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he knocked on her door, his brain trying to concoct some way to keep his haphazard impulses in check, to keep himself sociable.

Maybe he should have thought this part out beforehand.

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first_andromeda
2009-12-01 04:35 am UTC (link)

Shocked had not been the word for what she had been when she had heard what had happened. The Heir to the House of Black had been disowned. Sirius was no longer recognized as a Black, much as she wasn't either. The feelings that had rushed through upon finding out what had happened had been so strong that she had ended sitting back down immediately, and rather hard at that as she stared at the gossipers in the faculty lounge as though they had grown second heads. There was no way that it was possible. Sirius was the golden child. He did as he told while at the same time not doing as he was told. Bella was practically his mentor and keeper. Never in a million years had she ever thought that he would be disowned but as the days had gone on and the news had not changed she had begun to worry about him. Something she hadn't felt in years towards a Black. Andy knew what it was like though. Knew what it was like to be thrust out into the world with no family to back or support you any longer and to have to make it on your own after leaving that sort of world. It was harsh and cruel and sadistic and most couldn't survive. But they weren't most. They were Blacks, even if the family didn't recognize them as such it was in their blood and they weren't the type to be easily defeated. But she still worried about him coming from the world they had grown up in and been raised to be a part of out into the harshness of the real world. So she had contacted him, not having any idea how he would react to hearing from her. She had tried several times after first being disowned to contact him and try to explain things to him but as each of her owls went unanswered she had finally given up hope and gone about her life trying to live with the decision she had made and realizing that those she cared about truly believed her to be dead. It was a tough thing to come to terms with and she wasn't about to let him go through that alone.

The first meeting had gone well. She had explained the true reasoning to her leaving the family much as she had expected to have to do and then had gently pried into why he had left and what had happened. While he was now disowned he was still a Black and had lived years under their doctrine. She knew better than to push too hard. He would talk when he wanted to and as such she had left things be. Bringing the subject every so often when she had the chance to see him but things hadn't gone well after the first visit. They were incredibly awkward and uncomfortable between them. After all how was one supposed to get past six years of silence? Six years in which they had both grown and changed as people. They were not the same people they had been when she had left the family and it was painfully obvious in their meetings after the first one.

Andromeda had figured it would be best to let him come to her in his own terms. Eventually he would have more questions or he would need someone who understood what he was going through or what he was feeling and when that time came he would come to her. Part of her knew it was wishful thinking but she hoped for it none the less. She had been in the kitchen making a snack for Dora when the knock had sounded at the door. Peaking around the corner and down the hall she frowned at the door as she tried to remember if she had forgotten about any visitors who were supposed to come that day but after wracking her brain and coming up with nothing she dried her hands on a kitchen towel and pocketed her wand before heading for the door. Perhaps it was just Ted's mother stopping by with another one of her surprise visits. Andy didn't mind it but given the family she had come from and the things they were capable she was still worried that they were strike against Ted, even after all of this time and surprise visits put her incredibly on edge.

Cracking the door just a bit she was utterly surprised to find him standing on the other side and she opened the door further, offering him a small, warm smile.

"Sirius. To what do I own the honour of this surprise visit?"

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first_sirius
2009-12-01 05:02 am UTC (link)

That she smiled was good, he liked that. And it boded well, which he appreciated given the way he'd left a bit gruffly the last time. Though he still had no idea what he was going to say. That mattered less, however, as she spoke immediately.

He knew she meant it nicely, genuinely, and he knew that he was the one trying to see a jibe in something innocent. That knowledge in no way impeded the way he wanted to respond with sarcasm. Or maybe he just had very little communicable understanding of the impetus for 'this surprise visit.' Unable to construct a benign response, which in and of itself was more than a little depressing, Sirius opted to ignore it. And he went with the only thing he could think to say:

"Can we.... not talk?" he asked cautiously, like he was worried he was going to offend her. He didn't mean in general, he just meant for the moment. It somehow seemed like it would be easier if they just didn't have to bother with what they were saying. Sirius was too tethered to the way Bella and Cissy spoke, each statement carrying layers of meaning and intent. It made it difficult for him to engage with Andy without that, made him feel like he was constantly missing something, not understanding. It had to be the talking that was getting them into trouble. "You know, just sit? And not talk."

Predicting her reactions was difficult, which made the matter a bit uncomfortable. It was a hell of a lot easier when he didn't care, when it didn't matter. In those situations, with new people, it hardly mattered at all. But everything about this felt fragile. Breakable. Or like something that already was broken and needed delicate piecing back together.