"I can't see them yet," he said softly. "Everyone else there. I need to focus on healing and not spending my energy letting them see someone I can't yet genuinely be." He licked his lips and looked up at Carrick. "That's not to stop you from bringing things you think I'd like where I am. I'd never seek to truly bar you from me, you know that." But an explicit invitation was better than Carrick fretting.
He licked his lips. "Know what I'd enjoy?" He looked up at Carrick, smiling, soft and gentle, genuine. "I'd enjoy some cheap take away chinese and to spend my night curled up on my couch with you watching a movie. I'd like to feel safe and loved and not like I have to perform for you and everyone else in this room who has known me. Can we do that, Erastes? Can we just...be together and maybe you can help me take off my armor? I suspect you'd rather actually be with your boy than the construct I have to build myself up as for the sake of everyone who isn't you."