girlnamedjeff (girlnamedjeff) wrote in 2145ic, @ 2018-03-05 16:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | jamie, jess |
what about the fairytale
Who: Jess and Jamie
Setting: their apartment, morning after the fireworks
Jess leaned off the side of her hammock, looking over where JJ was in his . “Well, at the very least...his music isn’t terrible.” They’d looked up Cody, comparing his current photo with the ones from his heyday, when he was popular. They’d listened to his music. She was still pretty sure he wasn’t the kind of guy that Jamie should be hanging out with, but she hadn’t said that. Not yet. She was kind of giving him space to figure that out on his own.
Jamie had one leg hanging out of his hammock, which he used to push against the wall every now and then, keeping him swinging gently. He had his eyes closed, flicking through the images they’d talked about earlier and which played against the inside of his eyelids. He had one arm under his head, cradling it against his pillow - a hand-embroidered cushion he’d traded three days dancing for last summer. It had been a lot of work, but the cushion was a work of art and the girl had no credits to actually pay him with. “I like it,” he said dreamily, after a moment, humming along to the music. He was still trying to work out what last night had been. He wasn’t used to attention like that and he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it.
She watched him, his eyes closed, whatever was going on behind his eyes. He liked the guy. Just like the music. “What are you thinking about?” Jess asked, not sure what else to ask. She had a feeling she knew, but she was still a little unsure.
Jamie brought up Cody’s details for the dozenth time that day, read them over. Thinking about what he’d write. If he’d write. If he’d call. What he should say. Whether Cody had actually been serious. He thought he had. No, Jamie was sure he had been. But still.
He turned onto his side, bringing the pillow down to hug it against his chest with one hand, the other still cradling his head as he looked over at his sister. “Would you come with me?” he asked her. “He wanted an opinion on his music, yeah? Well, two sets of ears are better than one, right?”
She looked at her brother for a moment, then laughed and rolled over onto her back, arm slung over her face. “He didn’t ask me. Or both of us even. He asked you. Didn’t he?”
Jamie frowned, his face falling from what he thought had been a great idea. He was nervous about the idea of contacting Cody. About going round to some guy’s place - especially in a part of Southside he didn’t immediately recognise. About seeing him again. About having to be alone with him, one on one, with all the social pressure that put on him to perform and be the best version of Jamie that would actually mean that this guy who seemed kinda amazing didn’t just laugh in his face and wonder what the hell he’d been thinking. Having Jess there would have taken that pressure off. Jess was incredible at that kind of thing and Jamie was always his best self when he was by her side. She knew just how to make him feel confident around other people. “Yeah, but…” he started, uncertainly.
“But what?” Jess asked, looking at him. “What’s got you so sad?” She couldn’t quite see his hang up, but if he was having them...well that was probably for the best. The guy might be talented, but she had a feeling he might also be a trainwreck.
“I’m not sad,” Jamie protested. “Just - what if I make an idiot of myself?” he asked, letting his nervousness show. “You know I’m not good at that kind of thing. At talking to people. At giving my opinion about things. What he wants is all the stuff I’m really bad at. All the stuff you’re really good at. He didn’t ask you but maybe he should have.”
“Ever think there’s a reason why he asked you and not me?” Jess offered. “Like, something really obvious?” She figured it might take a moment, but Jamie usually caught up after a bit. “Like why he might want you to come listen to his music, without really knowing even what kind of music you like?”
He frowned. “Well, he doesn’t know you,” he pointed out, figuring that was obvious. “And he said he’d seen me at parties and I told him I didn’t know anything about music - nothing technical anyway. He said it didn’t matter. That he just wanted to know if it, like, moved me or not.”
Jess pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. “You are an idiot,” she said, fondly, but nonetheless. She looked over at him. “Why would he want you to be there Jamie? Go over the whole thing again. Especially the last part.” She really needed him to figure this out or she was going to lock him in their apartment forever.
That was what Jamie couldn’t really understand. Why someone like Cody would want someone like him to be there. “...He wanted an opinion on his music?” he tried, though it was more a tentative question than anything else. When his sister called him an idiot in that tone, he knew he was missing something that was obvious to her. “He said that he thought that the stuff he’d been writing lately was shit, but he didn’t have anyone to play it to. He… he said he wanted to know how it made me feel.”
“Or he thought you were cute,” Jess prompted. “And wanted to get you alone and listen to his music,” she said. “And probably to make out too.”
Jamie stared at her, open-mouthed and wide-eyed. Then he leaned forward, as though he needed to be nearer to her to comprehend what she was saying. He leaned a hand, unthinkingly on the front of his hammock - and promptly unbalanced himself, pitched forward and landed on the floor, feet still tangled up in the hammock above him. Unperturbed by this turn of events - it was hardly the first time - he laid on the floor looking up at her.
“No,” he said, in disbelief. “Noooo - what?” He laughed, self-consciously. He ran a hand down his front, flattening his shirt against his chest, then abruptly stopped on his stomach as he finally processed that possibility. He wasn’t like he didn’t get hit on all the time at work.
Only, he didn’t really. Because he and his sister had come up with the plan when they were fourteen that, when it came to work, if anyone tried to discuss anything non-work-related with him at all, he’d just immediately shut it down. Sure, it had got him the reputation of being something of a snob, but it had also meant that, at fourteen, he hadn’t been forced to navigate the vicious waters of perverts and manipulators. He and Jess had made a pact that if he lost work, then he lost work. They’d find a way.
“Oh,” he said. “Oh, really? You think…?” He blushed, grabbing the pillow from where it’d fallen and pulling it to hide his face in it, to hide the stupid grin at the idea that someone thought he was cute.
Jess didn’t bat an eye when he fell out of his hammock, because he’d done it before and it didn’t come with a cry of pain. He was fine. Just clumsy when he wasn’t in the water. “Yes, I do think. I think the ‘listen to my music’ is a line. So was asking if you had a boyfriend.” She tucked her arms under her head when he hid his face in the pillow, like she didn’t know exactly what that meant either. “And you’re excited about it.”
Jamie dragged the pillow down, so only his eyes were showing. “Should I not be excited about it?” he asked, her, his voice muffled by the pillow. He had shared the boyfriend fact with her last night when they were walking home. Along with the fact that Cody might kinda, sorta think that she was his boyfriend. Because of misunderstandings.
Jess looked over at him, those eyes, that body that was more in tune with her own than she’d like. She’d known him longer than any other creature on the planet. Ever. She rolled over and looked at him. “No, you should be excited. I mean, you should expect it because everyone on the planet should think you’re hot, so this isn’t a new thing, but yeah you can be excited.”
He finally picked himself up, disentangling his legs and scooting round until he was sat upright, legs twisted yoga-style beneath him, cushion cradled in his lap. “But, what do I do?” he asked, sincerely. “I mean, if he… y’know. Likes me. He gave me his number. Do I call him? God, what would I even say?”
Jess went back to staring at the ceiling. “Depends on what you want. I mean, do you want to make out with him? Because then you just call and say ‘hey, sexy, I was thinking I’d come and listen to your music’,” she said. “And let the rest happen. If that’s what you want. And you are careful and use nine types of protection.”
Jamie blushed again, dropping his head to the pillow and then looking back up at her. “I don’t know whether I want to make out with him! I don’t even know him. Not really. I mean, he’s cute and all, but I mean… and I don’t even know what I’m doing! He’d probably just laugh at me and, I don’t know. I guess I kinda had more in mind than just ‘go over and let it happen’.” He glared at her. “Don’t laugh.”
“What did you have in mind? Roses? Champagne? Why not just kiss him and see what happens. And all the protection. Ever. Jesus. How can I be clearer with that?” Jess looked at him, shaking her head. “Just tell him, hey, why don’t we hang out?”
“You don't have to be clearer, J!” Jamie exclaimed, mortified that she kept going on about it. “I get the message, I just…” He winced. In all honesty, champagne and roses weren't that far off the mark for some of his fantasies, but he knew things like that didn’t happen to people like them. He brought his knees up to hug them, suddenly aware that he was sitting on a bare floor in what they laughingly referred to as an apartment, but was really just some space in the back of a building. The walls were makeshift, built from materials they'd gathered over the years. Scraps and rags plugged holes where the winds came in when it blew. It was home, but it was nothing special. Normally, that didn’t bother him. Normally he was proud of the home they'd created from nothing, but sometimes, well… it just reminded him that life wasn’t a fairytale. That mermaids didn't really exist. “I just wanted something in my life to be special,” he told her, voice small.
That got Jess out of her hammock, dropping to the floor to sit next to him, snuggled up close. “So then let’s make it special,” she said, resting her chin on his shoulder. “And if he’s not the one that makes it special, don’t call him. But if you want to...well he’d be stupid not to be pleased to see you.”
“He's really good looking,” Jamie said, after a few moments leaning into his sister and taking that comfort. “I just… I'd like to get to know him better. And I would actually like to hear his music. I just don't know if I can agree to going over there, if what he wants is just to make out. I… don't want him to accuse me of leading him on or anything.”
“If he accuses you of anything I’ll knock his teeth in.” Jess didn’t even have to think about that twice. “Then don’t answer right away. Give yourself some time to think about it and decide what you really want to do. No one said you have to answer right away.”
“He's tall - you might need to find a box,” Jamie said, though the teasing tone of his voice evidenced that he was feeling better about things. “Maybe I'll leave it a while. See how I feel in a few days,” he said with a sigh.
“Says the guy who’s going to try and kiss him?” Jess teased back, arching a brow at her brother. “Plus, you don’t want to look needy anyway, right? That’s a thing.” Ideally Jamie would get over it, but Jess wasn’t sure she should hold out hope.
“Yeah, well, I figure he'd lean down for me. You? Not so much,” he teased, though he blushed again at the idea that a guy actually might want to kiss him. He bit his lip to control the grin, then frowned as a thought occurred to him and his face fell a little. “Anyway, I'm not sure. I mean, do I really want to kiss a guy who basically lied to me to get me to come over, rather than, like, just asking me out on a date?” He sighed, pulling the cushion closer to him and resting his cheek on it as he looked across at his sister. “Have you ever, y’know, made out with anyone?”
“I don’t know if he lied to you as much as came up with a reason for you to be alone and hoped that it lead to something else. That’s kind of what people do. ‘Let’s hang out’ and then that turns into sex.” She arched her brow at her brother, surprised he didn’t just know the answer to that. “Once or twice.” Sorta. Probably a bit more than that, but she didn’t need to brag.
Jamie considered that, turning back so his chin was resting on the cushion as he stared at the bare floor. It just felt like such a let down. If that was all there was to it. Meet someone, get alone, have sex. That wasn’t how he’d imagined it at all. He’d had fantasies of being swept off his feet. Of being romanced. Of being whisked away to… well, probably another part of town. Or at least somewhere nicer than this place. A real apartment, maybe. But definitely not just some random. But, if that was actually really how it was done, maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe he should just let go of his delusions and just get it over with.
He sighed and looked back at her, catching the expression on her face. He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know if you’d, y’know, like - done everything,” he explained. He’d never really asked. Just listened to her talk and been too self-conscious to actually press for details. She’d always seemed so much more worldly than him and he spent a lot of time being in awe of his sister.
Jess laughed and got up, climbing back into her hammock. “I’ve done things. Most things,” she said, not really sure if Jamie wanted her to go into details. It wouldn’t be the same for him anyway. “It’s not a bad thing, that you want to or that someone wants to with you. Even if he’s not what you want, remember, it’s nice to be wanted.”
“I guess,” Jamie said, though he couldn’t shift the feeling that there was a lack of joy in the way she put things. He shifted, pulling himself up and climbing back into his hammock. Maybe that would be enough for him. Just to be wanted. It felt empty though. Maybe it was just that he’d spent so long saying no, always no, that it was strange to even contemplate saying yes. It felt like there should be more to it. Like it should come with some kind of fanfare.
“You guess?” Jess looked over at her brother. “You’re going to call him. I know you are.” Because Jamie would want to know more. Because he was kind of predictable that way.
Jamie lay back, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t say anything for a while, before he made up his mind what he was going to do. “I’m gonna give him a chance to explain himself.”
Jess nodded. “Good choice. See what he says. Maybe he’ll surprise you.” She hesitated. “Just don’t give it all up for him if he’s not what you want.”
Jamie shifted over onto his side, clutching his cushion. “I’m not going to,” he told her, hidden behind the walls of his hammock. Maybe she was right. Maybe there wasn’t anything special out there. Maybe sex was just all about feeling wanted, taking what was on offer. But he wasn’t sure. If felt like there should be more and he was going to hold out for that. For the fact that, once in their lives, maybe his sister could be wrong about something.