InsaneJournal

Hey! What's up? What's new? We got puke green tiles in for the house, I'm ticked. But I've seemed to find myself plans for the afternoon anyway...

Puke green? That sounds unpleasant. I'm glad you've got plans though? Work has been quite busy today. It's been a couple weeks, and I'm still cleaning up from my predecessor.

That sounds painful. Albie and I got the night off. We hooked up our last night off. Didn't mean to but uh. Ran into each other. One thing led to another drunken thing. I'm meeting him at the house to look at the tiles.

Um, why are you telling
To "look at tiles" 🤣 I get the impression you messaged about the Albie, not the tiles...

We did have to look at the tiles! It's only right we both agreed they weren't the right tiles so that we can hex the man with the shitty handwriting.

And yet you're telling me about hooking up with him last weekend. I didn't realize you were gay! Do you really care about the tiles?

I mean, I do! I really do, but... I don't know, I was excited to tell someone? We've both agreed that if it starts to put our friendship in jeopardy, we'll just... Not. It's just. He said that he had wanted to do that for a while. It kind of blew my mind. I'm sorry. Usually I'd tell him, but I can't. Shite. Everything is already different.

Isn't it supposed to be? I know you used the phrase 'hooking up' but that should mean something, in my opinion. You certainly seem to want it to!

That's the problem. I always want things to be something. That's not Albie. He just left his last person because it was becoming a relationship. We're just... Friends that help each other out.

Just because he felt that way with them doesn't mean he'd feel that way about anyone. You and he have a strong friendship as a foundation, right? And if he'd been thinking about it for a while, well to think that about a friend? It kind of implies there's more than friendship, doesn't it?

I don't think either of us have thought that far ahead, honestly. Shite.

Well, it's also not something you necessarily have to have figured out right away, from what I've heard. I just happen to think you deserve all the happiness you can get!

Heh, thanks. You're too nice to me. If you knew some of my dating past. You might think differently... I think I'm technically dating Rachel at the moment... I should really check in with her.

How can you be unsure if you're dating someone? I get the impression you have some struggles with communication. Is there anything I can do to help?

Uh.. not unless you can help me sort out my inner workings. I'm a bit of a mess in the dating department. 🙃

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? They can be quite brilliant at helping one sort through their inner workings, as you put it.

I think this is why we became friends. You're like the little angel on my shoulder.

I do try to be helpful!

Who helps you though?

I have lots of people who help me. More than I know what to do with sometimes.

Good. Should I ever be able to help when the rest of the lot can't, you got my number.

Indeed I do.
I was wondering, and please tell me to butt out if it's none of my business, but do you consider yourself bi or pan? It's probably not very forward-thinking of me to want to categorize aspects of people, but I do like to do so. And my eldest brother is pan, my middle brother is gay, and my twin is ace, so there's plenty of labels in my family! And that's not even including the extended family!

Ha, you're okay. I ask very not okay things all the time. Not on purpose.
I guess I would consider myself bi or pan? What's the difference between the two?

I believe, generally, the difference is that bi are attracted to men and women whereas pan are attracted to people regardless of gender. It's always seemed a more inclusive term for similar things? Like it would include trans and non-binary.

Ah, then yeah I'd be more pan.

Oh, okay. I know the label doesn't really matter, but I think it helps me understand people better? I'm so very ordinary, but I still want to understand.

You're far from ordinary. Why would you give yourself such a bland term? You're one of the most vibrant people I have ever met. I know one thing for sure, I know no one else that comes close to your beauty and heart.

That's sweet of you to say, truly, but I just meant that I'm a straight, cis, white woman, so in the context of our conversation, I'm quite ordinary.

I guess that would be the word. I don't like it though, it still feels wrong. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Well thank you. You're too sweet.

Hardly but thank you. I'll leave you be but like once the blue tile is in, you have to come see this

I will. Just tell me when :)