Kerr had been practically glowing that day. The previous day had really sent her for a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment she was fine, then told she was a bad lay and had lost a friend and then she was crying for a reason she didn’t quite understand and then she’d helped a mother goat give birth and then she’d been cleaned by her teacher who had showed her once again that she was not broken in the slightest. Of course, she’d not had time to really talk to Jean about any of that, or anything going on in their lives as they’d spent the last couple hours prepping the cats, making sure they were fed, moving their cages to the tent, getting them dressed and running through the commands like normal. Jean was in charge, Kerr was only there to help advise on the temperament of the animals themselves and keep them calm.
They finished their checklist a little early and sat on the steps of Sheeba’s cage. Kerr sat, petting the small baby goat- she’d already had a long talk with the big cats about not eating the baby. She was feeding it a bottle while they had some downtime. She’d tried to return the child to it’s mother that morning but she’d not taken him back. Kerr tried to help, but the mother kept refusing. So, Kerr would make sure he was cared for until he was big enough to be with the others. “Y’won’t believe who helped me last night.” She said, having started to explain to Jean about the goat’s birth. Of course Jean and all the others who handled the animals were aware it was going to be occurring, Kerr had been the only one there at the time. “Y’can prolly guess as much as y’want but would never expect him to have gotten dirty an’ helped.”
The truth was that Kerr was really the one who understood the animals. Even though her cats were her kin, she couldn’t communicate with them like Kerr could. She was happy that the one person she got to work with every day was a person she cared about. She thought about Kerr’s question for a moment, humming as she tried to pull a name out of her head. “Riley? No. Maybe Finn. Those two really are nice fellows.” She couldn’t actually guess, she’d only heard stories about Edward and Marty. The latter had apparently been a bit absent as of lately and she wondered what was happening with that.
“Oh you got me, I couldn’t guess a pigs tail over a donkeys.” She giggled at her jest since she didn’t exactly have a lack of farm animals around where she came from. It seemed like a century ago that she was back home and that feeling was a good one.
The kid finished it’s bottle and she let it down to awkwardly walk around. It was only a day old and not the most stable, still quite small and gaining strength. “Edward.” She replied. “We were in the middle of a lesson- well sorta, when Tally was ready t’go. Had some trouble, an’this one wasn’t breathin’ right at first.” Kerr didn’t realize the smile that hit her face when she talked about the night, but if it was the goats or Edward that made her smile, that was the question.
She smiled wide at the look on Kerr’s face and leaned her shoulder against her friends. “Well he sounds like a promising man.” Of course the goat had looked delicious to her, in her cat form she would devour that thing and in her human form, she’d cook it up with some mint sauce but the animals here weren’t for eating right now so she’d have to stay away.
“Wait a minute, what happened with Marty? You said you hadn’t heard anything from him in a while? Is he out of the picture?” She hoped he was out of the picture because of something he said. Men were horrible sometimes and they deserved to be dumped when they were.
She laughed. “No, no. Edward is just my teacher. He’s taught me to read and write an’ things.” Kerr didn’t feel right going into the details of ‘things’. “An’ he’s with Eva. Edward is just… a friend.” The smile faded slightly to something more neutral when Marty’s name was brought up. Her shoulders shrugged as she reached down and pet the goat who butted her hand playfully. “Marty came by th’pens yesterday. Said he’d found someone else- someone more fun I guess.” Not that she’d ever expected the modern man to be anything more than a friend. A friend who she was physical with, but she never expected love, or him not to have other friends- even those he was physical with. Kerr knew she wasn’t special like that, so it made sense that he moved on. She just liked the fact that he accepted her for not looking like a girl.
“Things?” She asked with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk. She could see there was something there that Kerr couldn’t admit to, not even to herself and Jean just hoped she’d one day be brave enough to.
When Kerr finally spoke about Marty her happy face turned to one of disgust. “What an absolute brute! I don’t know what his problem is but you’re as fun as it gets. He’s totally crazy and you’re better off without him. I mean you’d think he’d have the decency to end it with you before he went off and fucked someone else.” She didn’t often use her potty mouth like that but she didn’t like when people abused her friends like that.
She put her arms around her friend's shoulder to bring her into a close hug. “You know how bad I tried to get in your pants. If you’d been interested in girls I’d have married you by now.” And that was the truth, at least most of it. Jean was really starting to fall hard for Penny and it was getting harder and harder for her to deny it.
Kerr rested her head against her friend's shoulder and giggled slightly. “It’s okay. I didn’ expect him to be just with me. It’s not like he was courting me ‘r anything. People leave when they get bored.” She found it amusing that Jean thought they’d be wed had she liked girls. She never saw herself getting married or finding love in that way. It was just the way things were with her. Maybe one day she’d realize exactly how much damage her ‘Aunt’ had done to her and how wrong her outlook on life had been. But until that time, she assumed that people always thought they’d be around forever, not realizing that once something better came along… they’d be gone.
She lifted her head to look down at Kerr. “Well good riddance, he sounds awful. And don’t you believe for one second a word he said about you. You are a catch and anyone would be lucky to call you his wife.” Is that what she would be called? Spouse? She wasn’t used to the non-binary concept yet and she hoped she’d understand someday.
She sighed, arm still cradling her friend's shoulder. “Well I ain’t doing so hot in the love department neither.” Not that she didn’t have any coming her way, she was just too scared.
“Ever feel like something is too good that if you keep letting it happen something just horrible will happen?” That’s how she felt, Penny was perfect and she just knew she’d do something to ruin it.
“I’m never getting married.” She said. Not a defiant statement or even a melancholy one, it was just a fact for her.
Kerr did wish the best for her friend though, while she didn’t think she was worth people sticking around past the point of getting bored for, she thought others must never be boring to people. “I know that will happen. Well, not horrible, but an end. It always ends.” Kerr admitted. “But that’s me, I don’ think that would happen t’you.” She looked up at her friend. “I think y’can find something good that never ends.”
Jean followed Kerr’s Logic, even understood it more than she cared to admit. Except for the fact that the only person she ever let herself get close to met her end by Jean herself. “No, you’re right. Everything ends.” She sighed and brought her arm down to clasp her hands in her lap.
“I’ll end, lot sooner than I’m ready to admit.” Jean had been thinking a lot more about her mortality ever since her father died. Watching him go was like looking into her future and it scared her. She returned her gaze to her friend and offered the best smile she could. “But you know what? Long as I’m alive and well, I ain’t ever gonna leave.” Kerr had been a true friend to her, despite the way she treated her when they first met. Looking back on it made her feel silly.
From the tent a commotion could be heard as people started to gather in. One of the roustabouts peeked out from the tent and gave the signal that it was almost time. “Bout that time again.” She said, grabbing a twine rope to tether the baby goat out of the way for the performance. Once done, she returned to the cage where Sheeba was already on her feet, waiting to be let out. “Ready?” She asked, it was directed at Jean and both the cats. King snuffed, he was ready Sheeba clearly was. Kerr took a moment to focus on the two large cats and nodded to Jean. “They’re good.”
Jean stood with Kerr and watched her have some sort of silent conversation with them. She smiled as Kerr gave her the go ahead. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She said, taking a deep breath as she prepared to do her show. “Here we go!” She said and put on her show smile.