She’d laid off the drinking for the last couple of days but Willis and her had been avoiding each other for what seemed like the whole month. Sure they’d talk business but it was just that, business. After a long day running the Whip, Bella was tired and she’d have to wrangle all the kids soon for supper so a nap seemed like a good idea. As she came to her bunk she saw a gift neatly placed on her bed. As she came closer she began to recognize the writing on it. It was from Will.
Sitting down on the bed she placed the box in her lap and looked down at it for a while. Was this another cruel joke from him? She couldn’t possibly know but she figured she’d only wonder what was inside if she decided not to open it. So, trying to mentally prepare herself she began to open the box. Inside laid a dairy with a lock, a key, a quill pen and some ink. She inspected the diary and saw how well it was made. Willis must have paid a pretty penny to give this to her and tears welled up in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away before they fell too far and found a surface to begin writing.
I’m not sure how I feel about this gift, but people are starting to get tired of dealing with me and I need some kind of outlet. So I’ll say this.
I met you when I was fourteen years old and I fell in love with you instantly. There was no denying you were handsome, always had this gorgeous glimmer in your eyes that could turn anyone’s insides into water. So I visited you every Sunday for church service and listened to you speak about God just so I could look at that beautiful face. After a while the words began to sink in and I found another man I could love and cherish, Jesus Christ. You were still the love of my life but him and God became my number twos.
By the time I was old enough I started to make advances on you. A flirtatious giggle here and there at first and once I almost got your pants off but you told me that you could never be with me, so after a lot of heartache I finally accepted it. But I never stopped loving you.
I don’t hate anything about myself except for that. Because I still love you, even though it’s clear none of that matters to you. Maybe someday I’ll be able to see that you’re not worth my time, but what the heart wants has never been what it gets.
As she closed the book she stared down at it again, running her fingertips over the new leather binding. Maybe it was a peace offering or maybe Willis was just scared about how he felt and it was the only way he knew how to say it. The options were both bleak since they’d just drive her mad.
He liked that lion tamer, it must have been since he showed her more attention than he’d ever show Bella. Suddenly she didn’t feel bad anymore about the note she’d left her. Turns out she couldn’t keep herself together anyway.