Rabi/Allen fic for 25_Streetsigns on lj
Title:Reflections Author: dancevdragon Rating: Pg-13 Pairing: Rabi/Allen Labels: Spoilers for chapters 55-125, boy love, swearing, and unbetad Disclaimer/claimer(if needed): I don't own D.gray-man, no profit is being made off of this either. Strictly for entertainment. Summary (if needed): Rabi takes a few moments to think about the war with the Earl and to consider how he's changed. Wordcount: 1,696
Rabi had to admit that war was one of those things that swept you up in its hold and never let go. It tore at the very foundations of what you believed in and made it possible to commit murder. Maybe that’s why he’d hated it and the fact humanity seemed unable to escape it. He’d loathed this one thing humans did for so long, he’d come to despise his fellow humans just as much. That is until Allen stepped quietly into his life.
Naïve, soft hearted, and distant; Allen had been a strange thinker in a time that should be full of fanatics. He showed kindness even to his enemies and didn’t fault them for their beliefs. Such a person stood out as starkly as the boy physically did. He had been uncertain at first, afraid to raise his hand against other humans. The boy had been far too much of a child, unwilling to believe that sometimes you had to kill to survive.
The redhead had stared at him in surprise. He’d seen the radicals and the zealots of this era, but a boy who said he didn’t want to kill his fellow humans? He’d never heard it very often and least of all in a war. Those that had uttered such lines, Rabi had seen them dead before the weapons on both sides came up from their first swings. Yet to the Bookman apprentice’s continued to surprise, the white haired teenager had lived despite the odds against his survival. Maybe it was then he started to watch the boy who Bookman called the Destroyer of time.
He’d followed and watched despite Bookman’s warning getting close to anyone especially one with a prophecy chasing them would end in tragedy. Rabi had been hit hard when the boy had seemed dead, his hope that maybe Allen’s quiet beliefs would touch others crumbled. He lashed out at those who grieved on the ship, his temper over his own foolish hopes being taken out on his friends. He’d felt terrible about it and tried to shut his mind and heart away from his teacher’s words.
It just wasn’t fair to him that humans should be so caught up in destruction and those who wished to never hurt their fellows would die. The exorcist had tried to laugh it off, make jokes as a way to distance himself as he should be. But they seemed hollow, lacking anything but bitter disappointment. In Edo, however he couldn’t stand there and say he didn’t care. Rabi had been unable to stop the rage that slammed through his veins with the heat and intensity of an inferno.
He’d come to a realization as he screamed and shouted in his fury at the man who had taken his friend’s life away. As he swung with the intent to kill it hit him that he’d become too connected. The redhead had started on this road when he met Rinali, who had seemed so fragile despite the power she could control in the boots on her legs. Kanda in his distant attempts to remain apart from the world should have made him step back.
Yet he’d tried to get him to open up and had riled the swordsman up every chance he got. Bookman had looked on in disapproval and he’d heard nothing.
Allen had been the key stone that opened the doors so wide they weren’t visible anymore. He’d smiled that poker smile to keep everyone away from his heart and tried to still save everything he could touch.
Something about those beliefs solidified the 49th persona and made the others seem fake and empty in comparison. Maybe that’s why he’d been so shocked to see the boy who had supposed died land before him, his strange new innocence whispering with strength. Rabi hadn’t know what to make of the way Allen and the Earl’s shadows had made polar opposites as if they were images etched on different sides of a coin. He did know that the boy had changed, and he feared that the white haired exorcist had become like the rest of them.
But the boy surprised him, both with the way he evolved and his heart remained strong with the desire to protect everyone. He could claim that is why he had kissed Allen when they got back to base. He’d felt the other stiffen in his arms and seen the confused look dawning before he’d shut his eye and enjoyed the brief intimacy. He had regretted surprising him especially when the boy fled. Rabi had wondered if his feeling of that moment was what a moth felt when draw to a flame.
Though the boy had become older, wiser, and certainly cynical to a degree he’d remained Allen Walker. Power meant nothing when it came to the strength of will and the drive of a purpose. In that manner the parasite user was very like Kanda Yuu.
The bookman’s apprentice still felt Allen and Kanda were very alike in their beliefs, even if their ways of pushing the world away were different. He had seen how the two acted towards each other after the Ark. It only affirmed his beliefs as they spoke quietly to each other with that strange ‘we’re weapons’ logic only they seemed to understand backing their words.
Rabi reflected on it all in silence as his pen poised above the pages of a journal. He had been doing things he shouldn’t be and connecting in ways that were unacceptable. He took a slow sip of his tea after he’d picked the mug up. The exorcist for some reason couldn’t find any feelings of regret in his heart. He did have worry that he would fail as a Bookman but that was surprisingly all.
The answer was simpler than his tired mind was making it out to be. As he leaned back and took a few more swallows of his tea, a voice sounded just to his right.
“You’ve been staring at that page for the past two hours, Rabi just give up and get some rest.” Allen breathed quietly as he folded his arms over his chest. He was going to stomp a rabbit hole in the redhead’s tail if he didn’t listen. Though smaller than both Rabi and Kanda, the boy wasn’t a push over. He could take far more punishment than most people gave him credit for. This was proven in Edo and affirmed in the Ark.
Anyone who said Allen Walker would fall from just an Akuma blow would get politely reminded that the exorcist had gone toe to toe with the Earl, the twin Noah, and Tiki Mick all in one day.
Even Chaoji, who had bitched about the boy’s beliefs, would agree with this.
Rabi liked to call it that Allen had been ‘kicking ass and taking names’. He shifted as he peered at the teenager who he half expected to be tapping a foot. “How did you get in here without me knowing? You’re thieving my skills Allen.” He set the pen down to rub his temples as he struggled with how to start his recounting of the past few months.
The boy raised an eyebrow before he shook his head. “Rabi, the Gate Keeper could have been screaming bloody murder and I don’t think you’d have heard it.” He shifted on his feet before he gestured to the mug. “I’ve been in here six times to refill your tea and you haven’t noticed.”
He had to stare at his fellow exorcist for a few minutes. Then he looked at the blank pages before him with a heavy sigh. Rabi rubbed his temples again and cursed quietly. “…Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right, we’ve been working harder than ever lately. We’re all burning out. You know it’s bad when Kanda and I can’t deny the inevitable need for sleep.” The boy stated in a carefully patient tone. He frowned at the expression the redhead threw him. “Don’t look at me like that; Rinali bashed our heads in an hour ago for saying we’d be fine.” The exorcist looked mildly embarrassed at admitting this.
He laughed as he got out of the chair and stretched. “Meaning you smiled and said you were fine, while Yuu made a noise that alludes to the same?” He couldn’t help but tug the other exorcist close to him. Rabi heard the noise of irritation and smiled as his boyfriend slipped his arms about him in turn.
Allen couldn’t believe this. He admitted yes he was human and now Rabi was laughing about it. “Ass.” He muttered as he let go long enough to lightly punch the bookman’s apprentice in the shoulder. The white haired exorcist muttered a few other words before stiffening as his companion started to kiss his jaw. “Rabi.” He started to protest, but it died in his throat as the other nibbled lightly on his neck. He suspected this was to distract him, but then he tended to be paranoid.
The fact he had Allen gripping his coat and leaning into his attentions, made it hard to think straight. Rabi swallowed quietly as he drew back a little and sighed softly. He really needed to get some of the backlog of record keeping done tonight. “Give me fifteen minutes, then come back and make me go to bed.” He breathed as the other looked at him in a slightly dazed fashion.
“Do I have permission to smack you if you give another excuse?” The exorcist fought to regain his composure as he let go of him. He stepped back as his companion smiled despite his apparent fatigue.
The Bookman’s apprentice sat back down and picked up the pen before he replied. “You’re even allowed to bring in Komui with his drills if you have too.” He hadn’t thought about what he was saying, he was too busy writing. So Rabi missed the Satan smile that spread across the boy’s face as he departed. But seventeen minutes later, he reminded himself never to get distracted while talking to Allen. On the bright side he had gotten a bit of writing done.