Who: Troy and Will When: Friday, March 14, 2008 (early evening) Where: their bedroom What: relationship? Status: complete Rating: PG-13
"What genre?" Will asked.
"Was it made in the eighties?"
"Nope." Troy shook his head.
"Nineties?" Will shifted his legs, which were under Troy's. They were laying criss-cross on the bed, with Will across the foot and Troy with his head against the headboard.
"It's Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace." Troy knew all of five sci-fi films, and Star Wars was the most famous from the nineties. 'Least in Will's book.
"... yep. Do you hafta be so specific? 'Star Wars' would do it, nerdo."
Will just grunted a laugh and turned his head finally to face the Native. He fought briefly to stay on the bed after a two-footed kick from Troy hit his knees. "You want me to go?" he asked, wondering if he should take a turn or if Troy was tired of losing.
Troy just shook his head 'no' and moved to stretch out, then tossed Will a pillow. "You've out-geeked me this time," he sheathed his imaginary sword and scooted down to lay next to the other guy. "So..."
"... Yeah?" Will had waited a few seconds, and shifted his eyes nervously, awaiting what Troy might say. It could be anything from 'let's put Kool-Aid in the pool' to 'which of the X-Girls has the best yabbos?'.
"What's up with us, right?" They'd spent the past two weeks doing whatever came to mind within the privacy of their own room, and Troy hadn't made any serious attempts to hit on or flirt with any of his regulars at the school. He wasn't with Will twenty-four/seven, so he didn't know what his BFF was doing all the time, but he'd been pretty preoccupied with their arrangement.
"You mean..." Will knew exactly want Troy meant by the look on his face and tone of his voice. "Yeah, I'm not sure... I think we're going steady." Will said mainly as a joke. He wasn't sure what the hell they had been doing either, but for the first time in a while Will was kinda happy.
"Yeah." Troy sounded a bit dismal. "I was afraid of that." He was joking too, for the most part. "Do you think it's because we're desperate?" There were slim pickings when it came to ladies around the mansion that weren't taken, underage or related to huge dudes. And the two of them did get along really well. But Troy got along with a lot of guys. "World ending? Need for some action?" Those were two of the thoughts Troy had chewed on for the past half month. He wasn't gay, or even bi-sexual to the best of his knowledge. But he had no qualms about snuggling up with Will and going to sleep.
"All of the above, and probably a little more." Will responded. He honestly couldn't see any of this happening without the current state of the world. But that didn't mean it was because of it, if that made sense. Will knew he wasn't gay, at least not Joe gay. He didn't find men attractive or think about a dude as sexual, but Troy wasn't just some guy. He was his best friend and from the time Joe left for medical school, Troy had been Will's right arm. Whatever they were doing, he didn't feel weird about it, it felt natural. But would anyone else see that? "I don't regret this, Troy." Will sighed deeply. "I don't think we should... tell anyone else." He knew how he sounded, but Will was already sort of a private person. This just wasn't something he wanted everyone to know about right now.
Troy went from feeling touched and assured to defensive and hurt. He hadn't planned on shouting their situation from the rooftops, but he also felt a little weird about shutting a door and being able to kiss Will's neck and hold him in his arms, and then opening the door and it being taboo for him to hold the other man's hand. He'd been thinking these things - underneath all of his and their other issues. He felt happy when he spoke with Will, and comfortable. More recently, he got turned on when he looked at Will - no matter if they were alone or not. If that was gay, then call him a queer. He felt like he was in love. But currently, he was a bit pissed off, "I love you. You want me to play junior high, man? What's the big deal?"
"I love you too, I don't know." Will felt instantly guilty about what he had said. But that didn't change how he felt. He knew there was nothing wrong with it, they weren't doing something terrible. The mansion definitely was an open and accepting place. Will couldn't really explain it. He just didn't want everybody to know. He'd told Joe because he was someone he could trust and the closest person to him other than Troy. "I told Joe..." Will wasn't going to wait for a response. "I just needed to talk to somebody about this, you know? But I don't know Troy. I just don't want..." Will was really struggling with this. He didn't have a good reason, it was just how he felt. Where ever those feelings were coming from he wasn't sure. "I'm just confused about the whole 'other people' issue. But I love you."
Troy's skin drew tight and he broke out in goosebumps - how dare he? Joe? Jesus Christ. Troy closed his eyes and sat up, but continued to listen to Will's words. "Who the fuck are they? I don't care what other people think. God damn." Troy's hands were in his hair before he'd finished speaking, and he was clutching clumps in his fists. This was typical behavior. "I'm just trying to figure out what we think. You said you love me," he chanced a look at Shard, then, "but every other word you said was 'don't'. I know there haven't been any promises or anything, but I took for granted that you were going to be decent, at least. You don't want someone to say 'Will's gay', do you?" Troy dropped his hands and they rested between his knees. "That's it. Isn't it?"
"No, that's not it. Damn it, Troy." Will was on the defensive and he hated that. He hadn't wanted this to turn into an argument. "I do love you," he sat up and wrapped his arm around the Native. "Cut me some slack here, this is pretty weird." He quickly added, before Troy could take things the wrong way, "I never thought I was going to fall in love with a guy. Not that it's a bad thing, but I mean it's just..." He couldn't find the word he was looking for and trailed off. "Troy, I love you, I want to be with you, but don't expect me to process all this super quick. And maybe I'm just not as good a person as you."
So he was a little let down. He expected the world from Will. He always looked 'up' to Will. Will had been his source for moral fiber. All of this 'better than me' crap was bogus. A good person could have a hell of a lot of pride. "You..." Troy closed his eyes, trying to put together his thoughts before pointing fingers and using poke-y words. "I'm not going to rush you. I'm not sure exactly what's going on either. But two straight dudes that live with each other, say 'I love you' and mate like monkeys on the Discovery Channel don't have much to process. They're together. You say I might be the better person, but I think you can't swallow your pride and say to hell with other people. I'm being selfish here. I just want you to say that you're not going to go screwing around if we're doing this. I'm sort of attached, man. Listen, we've been doing this for a few weeks now, and it kills me that I can't say or do what I would in public if you had a vagina and boobs. You think no one would care if one of us was holding hands with a chick, or telling her she looked good. But you think they'll see us as backwards fags who've stooped to diddling their roommate. No one gives Joe shit, man. Brian's gotten more tail than any of us and he talks about Joe like he can walk on freakin' water. And you're his best friend for crap's sake. Do you think Joe's weird or lame?" So he was fired up. He was on a mission, now.
He pushed himself up and moved to their entertainment system. He yanked a DVD from the shelf and slid it in, clutching the case to his chest. He brought up the chapter he was after and pushed play on the machine itself. They could never find that damned remote. It was RENT, and the scene was All Cover You (Reprise).
"Collins." He said, midway through the scene, and admittedly, had tears in his eyes. "You think Collins was boinking dudes all his life? Probably not. You think he planned to meet Angel? Clearly not..." He'd been beaten and robbed - nobody plans on that crap. "But you think he rocks, Collins is the shit, Will. He's not sure about it until he realizes it doesn't freaking matter. 'We're all gonna die some day, and I have a shot at love here.' Nobody gives them shit about being two guys." The other characters in the scene chimed in and the chorus began singing along with Collins then. Troy was standing at the foot of the bed, clutching the case to his chest with both arms now.
Will felt like an ass. He was having a hard time even looking at Troy. His own eyes had begun to swell with tears when he realized what Troy was getting at. Damn it, Troy. Will hadn't been trying to be narrow minded or a bad person; but now he felt about six inches tall. Still sitting on the bed, he stared at the floor, "You're right, Troy."
The Native's face was wet here and there, which was saying something, because he usually dried his tears before they left his eyes. He released his grip on the case and tossed it to the far side of the other bed before turning to look Will in the face. Behind him, Angel's funeral scene was ending and the chapter had changed. He stared at Will until he looked him in the eye - however long that took. Troy made a pass over his cheeks with the back of his wrist and tucked his free hand under the elbow of the other arm. "I know I am."
Will pushed himself up from the bed and closed the distance between he and Torrent. He grabbed him and enveloped him in a big hug. "I'm sorry."
It was bad enough he was crying. He wasn't going to swallow his own pride and admit he'd overreacted. But it felt so good to hear Will say it. At least Troy had gotten through to him. Troy pulled his arms free and wrapped them around Will as well, and put his face into the crook of his neck. "Me too. God," he took a deep breath, "I love you." All the things they'd seen fall apart around them - the mysteries and misleadings and death and destruction - none of it mattered with Will as a constant in his life. Troy hadn't let his guard down like this in years - let alone at Xavier's or with another man. His lips pushed outward and he kissed once on Will's neck before giving a great, heavy sigh of relief.
Will didn't let go of Troy until the Native pulled away (which wasn't for a while). He kissed the side of Troy's head while they embraced and finally replied, "I love you too." He said it once, he would say it again.