Welcome to Night Vale: In Character

I.. think my water just broke, darlings.

Some help would be appreciated.

This whole being pregnant thing is so not going well.

Someone told me that I cannot have ale. I might have cried.

[Vax]

We need to talk. It's nothing bad, I promise.

who: Percival Frederickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Lord of Whitestone and Vex'ahlia de Rolo, Baroness of the First House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt Percy and Vex.
what: Domesticity and revelations.
where: Their apartment.
when: Afternoon.
warning: None.
status: In progress.

( percy had never expected to find contentment in his life )

Last I knew I was talking to a tree, and then I'm here, where there's barely any trees. Usually if I go that far that quickly, I did it to myself, but that doesn't seem to be what happened and I'm confused and I was a little angry but then a nice man showed me how to communicate with this and gave me something to drink so now it's mostly confused.

I'm Keyleth, and I'm going to make more trees because I'm feeling the opposite of claustrophobic.

Give me liberty, or give me death, we say in the words attributed to men who often confused liberty with the freedom to engage in the role of oppressor. The void considers our ultimatum and grants us oblivion.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Citizens of Night Vale, and listeners of Night Vale Public Radio, this is Cecil Palmer, coming to you in a slightly different format this evening. This really is an exciting development. Night Vale has launched the entire net. Now, as you all know, I am something of a ludite, but my husband, Carlos, who is perfect and handsome and brilliant, has assured me that it is almost entirely safe. To the degree that anything is safe. Which, as well all know, is not at all.

I am using this method to reach out to you all because of some exciting news. Portals have begun appearing around our beautiful desert city, spitting out people from other worlds. While we have not ruled out some strange form of viral marketing for the Outback Steakhouse, we think this may in fact be more serious. Or, perhaps, it is simply a product of the revelry that marks our nation's independence from imperial rule and our descent into our own horrifying imperialism.

In any case, we welcome our new visitors-slash-potential citizens. Sure, you may be trapped here, with no way to return to the place where you came from, until such a time that the indifferent universe sees fit to send you there, but isn't that all of life?

Mayor Cardinal has also asked that I issue a few reminders. These, obviously, are first time reminders for our new residents.

There is a Dog Park at the corner of Earl and Somerset. Under no circumstances should you enter the Dog Park, as it is a gateway to a horrible desert otherworld. Do not look at the Dog Park and definitely do not take your dog there. The Dog Park probably will not harm you.

There are hooded figures within, and sometimes without, the Dog Park. Do not approach them, or look at them, or think too long about them. They are rarely dangerous and almost never openly steal children any more.

Do not enter the Night Vale Public Library, no matter how brave you may think you are. This year has seen a record low number of Librarian-related fatalities and we would like to keep it that way. Remember, if you see a Librarian, it is already too late.

The ban on wheat and wheat byproducts is still in effect and will remain so indefinitely. We all know why and there is no need to elaborate on reasons.

You may encounter tall winged beings, all named Erika, who claim to be angels. That is because they are and we can now acknowledge their existence, thanks to recent legal decisions. They are very friendly and helpful. One of the angels is frequently nude. We are deeply sorry.

Once again, welcome to our new residents, and good night, Night Vale. Good night.