Welcome to Night Vale: In Character

( the voice that comes over the network is smooth but with an edge, the sort of voice you expect to hear narrating an old school noir detective film. he also doesn't seem to be aware that he's broadcasting. )

No. No no no. This can't be real. Get it together, Steel. This is just in your head. Residual radiation poisoning or you've finally cracked.

( a pause and a quiet, bitter laugh )

Guess it was just a matter of time after all...

It has been weeks since anyone asked me to do anything, save anyone, close anything, or kill anything. That should be a good thing but recent experience tells me that just means there's probably something big about to literally fall out of the sky and try to end the world.

If it does, I just want to say that it's not my fault.

But I did take two days to learn that I don't want to learn how to knit. So that's something. Fuck those needles, honestly.

You know, I might have liked the Fade better. At least it was up front about probably wanting me dead. This is just pretending to be polite about it.

I'm hungry and too hot and there's sand everywhere. It's like the Hissing Wastes all over again. I don't even have my sand boots on. I have the sucking mud boots on. I thought I was going to be in a sucking mud swamp.