Ryder Adams (glassofmoonligt) wrote in worldsapart_ic, @ 2019-02-27 15:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | colbie adams, ryder adams |
Who: Colbie Adams and Ryder Adams
What: Meeting again after a year and a half
When: Feb 25th
Where: Out and about, Colbie is on her way home
Rating: PG
Colbie had had a long day. It had only been a short time since she moved to the area and started with her new firm, and she was still learning the personalities of her new coworkers and the office flow. After years at one firm, it wasn’t easy to just transfer and slip into a new professional setting, and it was causing her a little strain. And strain meant it was harder for her to ignore her own personal problems. Grief, that old friend of hers, was trying to creep up on her again, and she just couldn’t let it. So she planned on calling up a new friend or two in the area and maybe grabbing a few drinks later in the evening. Distraction was her best friend. At least she was enjoying the city so far, and she very much liked her new job and coworkers, she just wanted to be settled in already. But being new to the area meant she didn’t have any regular spots she liked to frequent yet, it meant she got to try everything until she found the places that felt right, and that was something she did enjoy. Colbie was lost in thought as she cut through a small park area, thinking about the case she’d picked up, even though she knew she shouldn’t take her work home with her. She had a bad habit of tunnel visioning when she was power walking through the city, it was the best way to avoid unwanted attention. With her headphones in, she moved through the streets at a decent clip, and normally would make it home without anything deterring her. But something today caught her attention. She was standing at a corner waiting for the crosswalk sign to change, just scanning the other side absently, when a guy crossed her field of vision and caught her eye. She had to do a double take. He looked so much like Ryder it sent a familiar jarring pain through her chest. He was moving through the crowd on the opposite side of the street, so she couldn’t get a good look at him as she stared, but every time he momentarily came back into view, she expected to spot something about him that would tell her it was just her hopeful brain playing a cruel trick on her. And every time, she couldn’t find that aspect, he just continued to look like her brother. Colbie wasn’t really sure what made her do it, it wasn’t the first time she’d seen someone that reminded her of Ryder, and she could usually ignore it. But this time, as soon as the light changed, she found herself jogging across the street, trying to keep the back of his head in sight, because something was off and she just needed to get a good look at this guy’s face. She realized about half way down the block that following a stranger because they looked like your dead brother was a pretty creepy and questionable thing to do, but now she was in it and had to see it through. She just needed to see it wasn’t him, or she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. Ryder was dead. He’d been dead for over a year. She was being crazy. But if she could just catch him at another crosswalk or something, she was sure she could get a full glimpse of his face without actually having to stop him on the street, so he would never be the wiser that some creepy woman was following him. — Ryder didn’t have to start work for a little while and so he’d been out wandering the city. His breakfast with Rhys and Kira had settled something in his chest that had been torn open ever since he’d fled from the hospital, knowing he was dangerous and not wanting to put anyone else at risk, hadn’t contacted his sister because he was dangerous. He’d almost shifted in the hospital when his parents had turned up and had been given the news. He’d fled almost immediately after that when he’d heard that the ones that had attacked him were there. For the first time in over a year, Ryder wasn’t feeling wholly alone and that wasn’t something he knew how to process. Kira and Rhys had crashed into his life and he itched to text them and ask if they wanted to hang out. In fact, he’d started to do that when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He’d been radially aware of a presence behind him, heightened senses prickling but he paid it no mind, not until he hit a crosswalk and the lights were red. Pushing his over-ear earphones off so they hung around his neck, Ryder straightened to his full height and turned his head slightly, trying to pinpoint the feeling prickling in the back of his mind. A very quick glance left, right and across the road didn’t reveal anything, and the quick flash of turning behind didn’t allow him to really see anything but the mixture of scents was overwhelming as he’d opened himself up to them. With it being all a little too much to take, Ryder ducked away from the crowd standing at the crosswalk and found a spot against a nearby wall where he leaned against it and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to settle the sensory overload. He didn’t know if that would ever get easier, but he supposed it was something he could ask Marcus next time he was at Baxter's. Feeling eyes on him, Ryder’s shoulders tensed and he stayed where he was, hoping that if he just stood still for long enough, whoever it was would move on. --- Colbie tried to stay close enough to keep an eye on him but far enough to not be obviously following the guy. Her stomach was in knots, and she was starting to feel ridiculous. It had been a long time since she thought she’d seen her brother, it had always been someone who just looked similar, she knew she was setting herself up for a let down, but she just had to know. It wasn’t until the guy finally hit a crosswalk that wasn’t in his favor that she was able to sneak closer to definitively see his face so she could drop it and move on with her life again. She watched him from behind and slightly off to the side, slipping behind a few other people waiting for the crosswalk. Then he turned his head slightly, as if he was glancing over his shoulder, and Colbie felt her breathing catch in her throat. If it wasn’t Ryder, than it was some twin she’d never known about, and she’d been at the hospital when he was born so she was fairly certain she would have noticed a second brother in the room. She was rooted to the spot as her mind raced, trying to figure out what the hell she was looking at because dead people didn’t just wander the streets of LA. The light changed and people pushed their way past her as she stood in shock on the corner, earning a few annoyed and confused looks. Ryder suddenly went in a different direction, stepping out of the main crowd and into the shadows of a nearby building, where he stayed. Colbie couldn’t remember how to make her legs move. She was starting to wonder if maybe she’d dozed off somewhere and this was just a dream. She retraced her steps, making sure she actually remembered getting to this spot, and that she hadn’t just been there like she would have been in a dream. But she could retrace her entire day, and she’d never had a dream like that before. No, she was awake, and this was either real, or she had officially cracked and lost her mind. When the crowd finally moved across the street, it left her mostly unhindered by other people, and she knew she had to figure out if this was really what it looked like. She needed answers if nothing else. She stumbled forward before her feet obeyed once more and she was able to move more normally, creeping towards her little brother, tears already welling in her eyes. He had his eyes closed, like he was taking a moment to collect himself. She just stood a short distance away from him, staring at him in complete disbelief. “R-Ryder?” — The person that he could sense hadn’t moved anywhere. In fact, he’d heard a heartbeat picking up, a stuttered breath being drawn in. He could smell the sharp tang of saline that he’d very quickly learned was associated with tears, shed or not. Of course, above all of that, the smells and sounds of the city were still flooding into him. The more he breathed, the better he was feeling and the city was lowering back to its normal position and he was getting ready to put his headphones back on and open his eyes when he heard someone say his name. R-Ryder? His eyes snapped open. He knew that voice. It was the voice that had encouraged him to play with kids his own age, the voice that had been on the other end of the phone when he physically couldn’t handle their father’s rhetoric anymore. The voice that had told him it would be okay and get better once he was able to move out. The voice that he’d listened to when he’d been too tired but couldn’t sleep. Colbie. Wincing at the unprepared overload he turned to look at her and he felt his stomach drop. Wide-eyed he just stared at her, mouth working like a fish before he held his hands up to stop her from coming and closer even though every part of him wanted to run to her and hold her tightly, to bury his nose in her neck and feel okay again. “What’re you doing here?” is what he said, in the end. “Colbie, I-” --- This wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. This was absolute insanity and she couldn’t come up with any sort of anything that helped it make sense. Why did her parents tell her he was dead? Did they think he was dead? Were they all just unaware… no, that made no sense, they said they cremated him, they had spread his ashes, so how was he standing here, breathing, right in front of her? The shock and confusing was clear on her face as he finally turned fully towards her and made actual eye contact. That was her Ryder, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind, and suddenly all of the why’s didn’t matter because her baby brother was alive and it was the only thing she’d wanted for the last year and a half. A strangled noise left her throat in place of a question, it was all she could get out at the moment, and she instinctively took a step towards him before he held his hands out to stop her. That jagged pain raced through her chest once more, and her brows furrowed a little. “What am I doing here?” Her voice finally returned at the insanity of the question. “What the hell are you doing… how are you… Why, Ryder?” She finally ended, her voice choked as her shoulders fell and she just stood before him. She spread her arms out a little. “Why did you hide from me? Why didn’t you… Fuck, I thought you were dead!” She took another step towards him, not caring that he didn’t seem to want her to get closer. She just needed to make sure he was real, she wanted to feel that he was physically there and she wasn’t hallucinating or anything. A few tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t even notice. She just wanted to hug her brother. — Ryder could feel himself reacting to Colbie’s emotions, to his own conflict. He could feel the tell-tale pull against his skin of a Turning and he breathed in sharply through his nose, taking another step backwards as she kept stepping closer to him, his hands still raised because he wasn’t safe. That was why he’d run, why he hadn’t contacted her. He hadn’t expected that his parents would have killed him off but in hindsight that was… hardly a surprise. Fuck. Pushing his fingers through his hair, he shook his head, mute with shock and a panic that he was going to hurt her. It had been tempting to run to her after it had happened, hide with his sister until everything was okay but at the beginning he’d been unable to control his temper, almost shifting whenever he felt a particularly strong emotion. His hand clasped the back of his neck, shoulders raised protectively against her raised voice, ears already keyed into her so the loudness of her words was like a hammer against his brain. “‘S not safe,” he managed after a moment, “Col, it- it’s not safe. I’m not safe.” --- Colbie knew him better than she knew anyone, so she could see how uncomfortable he was. Something was wrong, very wrong, and she halted her movement and just stood still, keeping a short distance between them. She took a few deep breaths after he spoke, trying to wrangle her own emotions back into check so she could think about this logically. He’d been attacked by werewolves, and their parents told her he’d died of his injuries. But he wasn’t dead. And the attack had happened, it had been on the local news. So that had to mean… She took a slightly ragged breath in. Was he turned? Was that why they had lied to her? Would the idea of having a werewolf in the family be so stomach turning to her parents that they’d rather their son be dead? The whole idea made her sick, she could feel her stomach turning uncomfortably, and that quiet anger she’d held for her father the last few years flared back to life. But she did her best to keep it in check, taking one small step backwards, away from him, and putting her hands up in what she hoped would be a comforting gesture. “Ry, you’re not dangerous. No matter what happened, you’re my baby brother and I love you. I don’t care about anything else.” A few more tears fell down her face, and as hard as it was to not rush forward towards him, she held her ground and decided to wait for him to come to her. It wasn’t easy, she wasn’t the wait around sort of person, but it’d had been over a year, what was a little extra time? — Ryder’s shoulders immediately loosened when Colbie took half a step backwards. He didn’t move further back either, he just stayed rooted where he was, dropping his hands and exhaling. His skin was still buzzing, thrumming with the energy to Turn but he wasn’t letting himself let go. He was in the middle of the fucking city, he couldn’t just lose his shit. He wet his lower lip, watching her and feeling like an absolute asshole because her heart was breaking in front of him and he was stopping her from getting what he knew she needed, which was a hug, that physical reassurance that he was there. But he didn’t know if he could risk it. Or if he could let himself want it. Though he’d never gotten used to the isolation that he’d imposed on himself - and the fact that suddenly he was finding and collecting people told him that the isolation wasn’t working, loneliness was maddening and often he worried that he was losing his mind - it had made him at least feel safe. With those wall crumbling around him, people sneaking in and making him feel less isolated, less alone, Ryder was afraid that something was going to happen that would rock his shaky foundations even more. “I- please don’t cry, Col,” he asked her because watching his strong sister with tears running down her cheeks was harder to watch than anything else. “I- I am dangerous. I got turned, Colbie. I- I nearly went for mom and dad in the hospital.” Granted, that had been an emotion-based near-Turning which had been stopped but it had taken him months to be able to control himself. He folded and unfolded his arms, put his hands in the pocket of his jacket, then his jeans, then just pressed them together, fingertips and palms aligned for lack of anything better to do with them. Being behind the bar was easy, he had things to keep his hands busy - dishrags, glasses, cash - so if his mouth couldn’t think of something to say he could at least be occupied with something else. Here he just felt… cornered. But she was here, and he didn’t know what to do. So he took a breath and in an instant his long legs had eaten the distance between them and he just pulled her against him in a crushing embrace, twining his arms around her and taking a deep breath in. He didn’t really know what to say, his throat was tight and burning a little and his brain was stubbornly non-cooperative in a way that it was getting very good at being. But hopefully, this would stop her crying. He had never been able to handle seeing his sister upset, on the rare occasions it happened. --- Colbie reached up and wiped the tears from her face when he pointed them out. Damn it, she hated crying in front of people but this was a unique situation to say the least. When he confirmed what she feared, her heart sank. She couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for him, how scary and dangerous, and damn it she wished she had been there for him. Maybe not while he was turned, but at least before and after, because it was her job. Since the day he was born, that was her job, to look after him, to be there for him, so he never had to be alone. “I don’t care,” she reiterated, shaking her head at him. “You’re still Ryder, right? Still the same kid I knew, my brother, my only family,” she said with a hitch in her voice. “Losing you was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I’ll take whatever form you’re in if it means you’re not dead.” She watched as he awkwardly tried to figure out what to do with his hands, and under any other situation it would have made her laugh because it was just so damn Ryder, needing something to hold on to to keep himself steady. She fought the urge to reach out for him, kept her hands clasped together in front of her and just watched him for any sort of sign of how this was going to play out. Before she had a chance to try and say anything else though, she found herself wrapped in a warm embrace, and a choked sob escaped her as she wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could, holding on to him because goddamn he was actually solid and real and not dead. “You big idiot,” she said affectionately into his shoulder. “You big, dumb idiot, don’t you ever fake your death on me again, I won’t be tricked twice.” She already had plans on what exactly she was going to say to her parents, at least the divorce made a little more sense now, but they were both going to get a very large, very loud piece of her mind. — Ryder’s arms tightened around her, hugging her fiercely before he leaned back and rubbed a thumb carefully over her cheek, wiping away the last of her tears. He was uncomfortable, wildly so, and not just because he’d become unaccustomed to physical contact. He felt guilty, swirling in his stomach like a ship in a storm without an anchor. He should have known they’d say something like that, and he knew he should have maybe gone to Colbie, but there were a lot of things he should have done and he didn’t and now the consequences were staring him right in the face and he didn’t know what to do. He just kissed her forehead and then stepped back, needing his own space again and pushing his fingers through his hair. “I- I didn’t-” he knew she was teasing him with her faking his death comment but it stung a little. He should have known. He should have known that they’d do something like that but he had intended on reaching out once he felt like he wasn’t a danger to her. He hadn’t been even remotely prepared for this and it was all a little much. Fumbling in his pocket, he handed her his cell phone, unlocked, eyes asking her - because he couldn’t make his throat work - to put her number in. At least then he could text her. They could talk more. --- Colbie just clung to him, it was the first time she had felt whole in over a year. She took the moment to reign her emotions a little more in check, blinking her eyes rapidly to stop the tears from leaking out. Still, there were a few for him to wipe away when he pulled back finally. The forehead kiss earned him a small laugh, it was weird, how normal it felt suddenly to just run into her brother, and at the same time the giant wave of relief that’s as washing over her because he was safe. She let him take the space again, recognizing when he was pushing himself past his comfort. It was fine, she had really just needed to know he was real, and she could give him the space he needed after that. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment when he tried to protest and held her hand up to stop him. “Poor choice of words, you’d think I of all people would know better.” She shook her head a little, holding back the sharp comment that she’d almost made about their scumbag parents. He didn’t need that, she could deal with that particular issue herself. She took the phone from him when he handed it to her and quickly input her phone number before then also calling it so she had his. When she handed it back she gave him a reassuring smile. “So, what have you been up to then? Have you been ok? I mean… Do you have a place to stay? Friends?” She had a lot of questions, but those seemed the most pertinent. — Ryder blinked a couple of times before he just nodded, taking his phone back and looking at the number, brushing his thumb over it before the phone went right back into his back pocket and once again he had nothing to do with his hands. He cleared his throat, nodded his head in response to the barrage of questions even though the answer wasn’t a blanket yes. Had he been okay? No. Did he have friends? Also… no, or maybe not really. He had colleagues, and maybe Rhys and Kira counted? And Marcus? People that he spent time with, even if the former two were strictly during work hours. “Y-yeah, I have an apartment and a couple jobs. Doin’ okay, Col, I promise.” He offered a lopsided smile, guilt gnawing at his insides. “I didn’t- I mean I didn’t mean to worry you. I just-” he took a breath, rocked back onto his heels. “I’m still not… safe.” If the rippling under his skin was anything to go by, the strong emotions were still a trigger. At least nothing had happened. --- Colbie watched him before he answered, and the words that came from him settled her worries a bit, but there was something underlying them. She had a feeling that wasn’t the whole truth, not that she was surprised. He’d never been big on talking in general, she knew it was going to take a while, and out on the street was not the perfect place to have that full conversation. She just nodded to what he did say, offering him a small, reassuring smile. “Where are you working then?” Col shook her head when he explained. “It’s ok Ry, I mean it. You being alive is what matters, and it’s not your fault what happened.” The unspoken blame hung in the air between them as her mind flashed to her father, but she pushed it away and continued. “Look I admittedly don’t know a ton about… all of this, so I’ll follow your lead on it. Whatever you need, whatever it takes, it’s all fine, I promise. I just want to help. That’s my job, you know, looking out for you. So just… promise me if there’s anything I can do to help, you’ll tell me. And I’ll try not to push or pry too much. Try.” She smiled again, Col knew she wasn’t great staying out of other people’s business, but she could put the effort in when it mattered. — Ryder just nodded, rubbing his hand through his hair, relieved that she wasn’t going to push him right now. What he needed was to get back to his apartment, to take a deep breath and try and calm himself down. The surge of emotions - that he hadn’t been expecting - had set off some turbulence within him and he didn’t quite know what to do. He just needed to go. “I- I need to go right now, Colbie,” he told her, expression pleading with her to understand. “But- I- I’ll call you? I mean- I’ll text you. I promise. And we can meet up for coffee? Or something? I mean- we can- yeah, I’d-” He wet his lower lip. “I gotta go,” he repeated, backing up a little, not wanting to turn his back on her because he hadn’t seen her in so long and he didn’t want to leave but at the same time he knew he had to. --- Colbie’s expression changed to one of slight concern as he seemed to tense up again and act like he was going to make a run for it. She wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, it wasn’t a reaction she was used to, and it caused her stomach to twist with worry. Something else was going on still, and she didn’t know what. It never occurred to her that he might be struggling with his wolf self, she didn’t know enough about werewolves to know that was an issue they might have to deal with. She just nodded at him, twisting her hands in front of her a little, feeling more awkward than she was used to. “Sure… alright, just… yea, text me to let me know everything is ok?” she wanted to hug him again, but he looked like a cornered animal a bit, nervous and flighty. She resolved to keep her distance as he moved, watching him as he slowly backed away from her before he headed down the street away from her. Colbie felt a sinking feeling, her chest was tight and in his sudden absence, that wave of emotion she had been holding back crashed over her hard. She waited until she was sure he was out of sight before she let a shaky breath and a few more tears escape. She couldn’t fully process what had just happened. She needed a drink and time to think everything through. Colbie leaned against the wall he’d been standing against at first, taking a few deep breaths because like hell she was going to break down on the street in broad daylight. Once she was sure she could hold everything in until she got home, she backtracked and continued her route to her apartment, her mind racing the entire way. |