Cho, Andy, and Jonas - Writing Horoscopes
Who: Andy, Cho (playing the part of Parvati), Jonas When: Thursday Where: The Daily Prophet's offices What: Cho needs help writing the horoscopes for the paper. The only problem is she's outed herself just by asking for it.
The Daily Prophet office looked much different from Parvati's chair than it did from Jonas'. Truth be told, Cho much prefered Jonas' view. His chair, unlike whatever she was perched on, was more of a throne. A large, executive throne. Spinny, too. She knew that from personal experience. A good spin could make all the difference when it came to chairs, especially ones you were required to sit in for long periods of time. Maybe if she asked real nice Jonas--no, Mr. Abbott--would let her borrow his.
Probably not.
Oh well. Sighing, Cho pulled her feet up under herself, using her legs as a cushion, and stared into the tea cup in front of her. What was she supposed to see again? Shapes? Animals? Omens? It looked like... like... it needed to be washed. She never took divination for a reason. Maybe she should go outside. She always saw things in the clouds. Of course, these days all she saw were penises, thanks to one Katie Bell. Cloud watching would never be the same again.
"Oh Andy," she said, glancing down at the list she'd written of zodiac signs. "Just get here already."
Andy already was there. Not that Cho could've spotted him, hidden behind a tall, leafy plant, Dr. Livingstone-style. The girl he was staring at was definitely not Parvati. Not that he'd needed to come in person to know that the letters hadn't been written by the infamous Miss Patil. After all, he knew her well. That is, well enough to know that the only thing she was less likely to do than sign a letter "Vati" was to call him a psychic and ask for his help. Parvati would sooner chop off her own nails...which the Impostor Parvati had done, and recently, if the nail clippers on her desk didn't lie.
Polyjuice was the easiest answer, so he'd go with that until something ruled it out and made alien abduction or possession a viable explanation. His vision focused on her, moving from detail to detail. Short nails? Check. Legs tucked up underneath her? Check. Playing with her hair? Check.
Now who did he know that fit this profile who would go to him for help? He thought back to the way that first letter from "Vati" had been worded, and after a moment or two, he had his answer.
"Miss Swan," he whispered in her ear, leaning on the back of her chair. "Parvati would kill you if she saw you holding the cup that way."
Cho's eyes went wide and she dropped the cup, instinctively reaching for the spot where her first engagement ring had hung. No, it wasn't there. It hadn't been for days, so how did Andy know? She glanced down at her hand. Sabine had the engagement ring. Were her freckles beginning to show?
"Do you have a mirror?" she asked.
"Not on me, but--" He lifted his fingers to his temple. "I sense one is near, very near...." He reached for the top drawer of Parvati's desk and found a small mirror there, which he then held out to Cho. "There you are."
"Thanks," Cho said, taking the mirror without much thought and jumping a little when she noticed her reflection. "Merlin," she whispered, turning the mirror away from her quickly. Then, she flashed Andy what she hoped was a winning smile. "Zit."
"You do realize you're exactly three months too late for Halloween, yeah?" Andy said, taking the mirror from her and putting it away again.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Andy Bell," she said, squaring her shoulders a bit. "Are you going to help me or not? I don't know where to start. I only see--" She waved at the cup, which was miraculously still in one piece. "--bulrushes."
Andy slid her chair back and sat in her lap, holding out his hand. "Give me the cup."
"Hey!" she said, trying to push him off. "I'm fragile. You'll break me. I'm telling Jonas!"
Andy stayed put. "The cup, Miss Swan, the cup." He dropped his voice. "And it's Mr. Abbott to you."
"Only when we're having sex," she said with one last attempt to shove him off her. "Fine. The cup. See? Bulrush."
"You need to open your mind," Andy said, peering into the teacup and turning it around, his hands holding it delicately. "You're focusing too much on the literal. What sign were you focusing on when you drank this?"
"Sign?" she repeated. "Um, no sex in the whirly?"
"Brilliant," Andy said, squinting a bit. "That'll be Aquarius."
"If you say so," she said. "You know, Jonas pays me to do this. It's a real job. Don't you think I should be fired?"
"Yes," Andy said firmly. "Yes, I do. Then he'd have to consider my application."
"Well, I can't quit," she said almost regretfully. "But I can go see if Mister Swan wants some tea. While I'm there, I'll tell him you're helping."
"Sorry, I need you for a seat cushion," he said, rolling them closer to the desk and bending forward to grab a thick, leather-bound tome. "Tea leaves are great if you're reading one person's fortune or focus your psychic powers, but if you want to aim it at thousands of people you need to look to the stars. And, if you happen to be a Ravenclaw, that means opening a book." He winked as he did just that.
"Well, I happen to be a Gryffindor," Cho said. "I don't think we know how to read books."
"If Tink is any indication, you might be right," he said, flipping to a page with several very complicated charts.
"Tink?"
Andy sighed with exaggerated frustration. "I'm not going to help you if you keep pretending to be Parvati!" he hissed over his shoulder.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cho said firmly. "But if I did, I would tell you that you can't tell anyone. Including this Tink you speak of."
Andy's eyebrows flew up and his mouth formed a round "O". "You're not even telling Tink about this? It must be good."
"I can't tell. So I'm not," she said, sighing. "Do me a favor tonight?"
He grinned. "Sure, but it might cost you."
"This Miss Swan..." she said and then she paused to choose her words carefully. "Make sure she's nice to Mister Swan tonight." Then, whispering, she said, "I hear she keeps a diary under her pillow. Hide it."
"Will do, Miss Swan," he said, scooting up to the very edge of the desk. He grabbed a piece of purple perfumed parchment and ran it across his nose, inhaling deeply. "Ah, I remember when she was young and innocent," he said wistfully, and then reached for a luxurious pink quill and began to write.
"Who? Me?"
"Yes, you," Andy said, still writing even as he talked. "Do you remember the first day we met, Vati?"
"Was it love at first sight?"
"Instantly, on your part," he said with a nostalgic sigh. "I was a roguish sixth year, and you were a dewy-eyed third year, high on your first whiff of incense and the magic of life."
"Is this a true story?"
Andy held up a finger. "I'm a firm believer in revisionist history."
Cho laughed. "It must be hereditary."
"You did have a crush on me, though," he said, flipping over the parchment and continuing on the next side. "Followed me around like an orphaned puppy in love with an orangutan. Late night tutoring sessions...batting eyelashes across Sibyll's crystal ball...I guess that's what made your betrayal all that much harder to take."
"And how did I betray you?"
His pen paused on the parchment and he hung his head. "You called me a fake."
"How could I do such a thing?" Cho asked, her mouth hanging open in faux disbelief.
"You became a heartless, fickle woman," Andy said. "And you had a problem with me being right ninety-two percent of the time."
"She has her heart set on a perfect man?"
Andy shook his head, writing again. "No, she didn't like the fact that I was right so often without following any of the approved methodology."
"Funny," Cho said, tilting her head as she thought. "She's--I am friends with Quinn. Her standards must have changed."
"Is Quinn a psychic?"
"He thinks he is. Sort of like someone else I know."
Andy shot her a shocked look. "Moi?"
"I was talking about me, but you fit, too."
"I don't think I'm a psychic," Andy scoffed. "I am a psychic. That's why you betrayed our friendship. Jealousy."
"Jealous of your pretty face maybe."
Turning in her lap, he gave her a winning smile. "And with that you earned your horoscopes," he said, handing the parchment to her. It was covered back-to-front with a horoscope for each sign in his tiny, quirky handwriting.
"What do I do with this now?" she asked, turning the sheet over. "Do I get a secretary to type it all up?"
Andy laughed. "I think you're your own secretary around here, Miss--"
"So what's going on here?" Jonas said, leaning his arms on top of the cubicle divider and peering down at them with an amused look on his face.
"Tandem psychic channeling," Andy explained immediately, turning on his professorial face. "It only works with full-body contact."
"Really," Jonas said, disbelieving and close to a laugh. "Does it get the horoscopes done faster?"
Cho's expression turned soft at the sound of his voice. "Hi," she said, giving him a dopey grin. Mush. Her brain was turning into mush. "Hi."
Jonas' eyebrows lifted further. "Hello. So, faster? Because we're working on a tight deadline today. I'd like page seven mocked up before I leave for my fitting today."
"Oh, we can do 4:30. We can do now." Cho held the purple parchment out to him. "See? Faster."
Jonas' expression turned from amused to impressed. "Good work you two..." He looked down the page and started reading, the corner of his mouth quirking up after a moment. "Good work. These are funny. I like that." He looked up at Andy. "This doesn't mean I have to pay you now, too, does it?"
"I certainly accept donations to my psychic wishing well," Andy said with a winning smile.
"I'll think about it," Jonas said, handing the scented parchment back to her. "Get that typed up and handed in to Sally and you're set for the day."
"I don't suppose Sally wants to type it?"
"I think she'd find that a bit beneath her as an associate editor," Jonas said, tilted his chin down to look at her.
"Can I borrow Marc?" she asked. "I promise I won't break him."
"Marc is busy...doing whatever it is Cho has him do," Jonas said. "But if you keep writing horoscopes like this, I promise you can borrow him for a day when she's done with him."
"Deal," Cho said, handing the parchment to Andy. "You can type, yeah?" Her eyes snapped back to Jonas' then. "How is Cho?"
Andy heaved a dramatic sigh and stood up, marching off to find a girl to charm into typing for him. After all, he and Meg could use a few extra Galleons, even if the real Parvati wouldn't be happy with the arrangement.
"Good, good," Jonas said when Andy was gone, glancing down and getting a little colour to his cheeks. "She's a busy girl, though. Two jobs and planning a wedding in two months--I don't know why we thought we could pull that off to begin with."
"Because when you're in love, everything is possible," Cho said, holding back the urge to take his hand.
His smile turned to a goofy grin. "That's very insightful, Miss Patil. So do you foresee a happily ever after for us?"
"I hope so," Cho said quietly.
"That's not much of a prediction," Jonas said, raising an eyebrow. "But I'll let you get back to supervising Andrew there. I wouldn't want to ruin that happily ever after by being late to my fitting."
"Oh, like you've ever been late for anything your entire life," Cho said. "But you're right. I better find my partner in crime."
"I think he's found you a secretary," Jonas said with a nod off in Andy's direction, and then he disappeared into the busy maze of cubicles, off on another assignment.
Five cubicles away, Andy was hovering over a leggy brunette with bigger hair than brains, his attention focused on the copy she was typing up for him. "No, it's Scorpio, not scorpion," he said, elbowing her out of the way and starting to type for himself, his fingers prancing high above the keys.
"Oh, I love you, Andy," Cho said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're my favourite today."
"Only today?" he asked, sounding hurt.
"I don't know how I feel normally. You're the expert on that."
"You...well, you usually have several choice things to say to me...about me...whichever." He hit one last key very hard and removed the paper from the typewriter. "Here you are, mademoiselle."
She grinned, holding the paper as if it were a trophy she'd just won. "Jonas will be so proud."
"Ister-may Ott-abbay," Andy hissed.
"English!" she hissed in return.
Andy raised his eyebrows, with feeling. "Mister Swan."
"Oh, right," she said, a line forming between her eyebrows. "But it just feels so wrong, so dirty to call him that."
"Understandable," Andy said thoughtfully. He grabbed her by the arm, scouting around and trying to figure out who Sally was and where she sat. "So, how much longer are in her shoes?"
"Just today, thank Merlin!"
"So this isn't by choice?"
"Please," Cho said. "I'd sooner take up the guitar than want to write fortunes."
Andy laughed. "You should've asked me to play her part for you. Then I could've gotten a look at that butterfly you're sporting on your bum."
"I don't know how you do it," Cho said, rolling her eyes. "Save my diary, and you'll get that look."
Andy pressed his fingers against his temple. "Psychic, remember? How else would I have known it was you in there?"
"Right," she said with a laugh.
"I'll get your diary for you," he said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye and smiling a little.
"And you'll feed Princess? I didn't put it on my list of things to do."
"If you want me to take you to lunch, you'll have to ask my girlfriend first."
"Psychic," she giggled. "I meant my kitten."
Andy winked. "Just because I'm a psychic doesn't mean I can't make a joke from time to time."
"Ha, ha," Cho said. Then, with a glance at the horoscopes added, "Thanks for this."
"Anytime," he said, grinning at her. "You do owe me, though."
"Anything you want," she said. "Within reason, of course. I'm poor now." She glanced towards Jonas' office. "Mostly."
Andy glanced around and dropped his voice even lower. "You're good at DADA, yeah?"
"Yeah, had to be," she said, giving him a confused look. "Why?"
"I could use...some remedial tutoring," he said with a resigned sigh. "When it comes to fists and wits, I can hold my own well enough even with most blokes who outweigh me, but you know me, I'm pants at anything with a wand."
Cho pressed her lips together and smiled. "Of course, but ...well, your best bet would be to go to Harry. I'll try though. When are you free?"
"I'll let you know when Meg's going to be following a lead. I don't want her to know. Or Tink. So...keep it between us?" He raised his eyebrows, pleading.
"Of course, it'll be our secret," Cho said. "Like this whole day."
"Locked up here," Andy said, tapping his finger against his temple yet again.
Smiling, Cho reached to take his arm. "So, use your powers and find me Sally, all right?"
He nodded his chin toward the office door in front of them. "Sally Peters, right in there."
"I should give you a raise."
Andy bowed to her. "All part of the job."
"So," Cho said as she neared Sally's door, "I bet I can convince Mr. Swan to hire you."
Andy's eyes lit up. "I'll bet you could!"
"Do you want the job?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, we could use the money."
"Couldn't we all? Say, want to rob a bank with me? Take your psychic powers to Vegas?"
He smiled. "Tink's the one you really want in Vegas, although me, Quinton and Tink make an unstoppable team."
"That's a frightening image," Cho said, laughing a little. "I bet you're barred from all the best casinos by now."
"That would take getting caught."
"Oh, of course," she laughed. "Which never happens?"
"The thing is that as far as the Muggles are concerned, we aren't cheating."
Cho smiled. "Bring me home some money next time."
"I'll try. Meg probably won't let me spend it all on strippers and booze anymore," Andy said, glancing over at a couple of younger, more fashionable women who were staring at them, whispering. "Hey, I'd better get out of here before you ruin your reputation. Besides, I have a meditation class in an hour, and I'll have to drive across town."
"Well, thanks again," Cho said before placing a kiss on his cheek. "Behave yourself tonight. Remember: make sure I do, too."
Andy took a step back and saluted. "I shall guard your honour as if it were mine own."
"In that case, I'm glad I asked Tink, too."
"Probably wise," he said, taking a few steps backwards. "I'll see you later," he added with a wave, and turned and headed for the doors.
"See ya," she said, watching him exit. Well, she thought, that hadn't been a total disaster, but she really needed to step up her Parvati portrayal. How had Andy figured it out so quickly anyway? Sighing, she leaned against the wall, her eyes scanning the room for her Mr. Swan. He was looking over a reporter's shoulder, pointing at something on his parchment. Suddenly, the light of understanding seemed to dawn over the reporter's face and he laughed and nodded, sharing a grin with Jonas before rushing off to do whatever Jonas had asked of him. As Jonas was turning, he caught Parvati looking at him and gave her a small smile before responding to someone in the cubicle next to him and bending down to look at what they were working on. Blushing, Cho turned away and slipped into Sally's office, Jonas' small smile mirrored on her own face.