welcome to storybrooke ❧ network community

( spoilers for civil war II )

Europe was lovely this time of year, as expected.

[616]

Frank and I are back. Phil, we have a few things for you. Billy, I have something for you, too. Come find me when you get a chance. Jess - the same goes for you.

[James Rogers]

I'm back.

Well, Jess is resting, which is pretty well deserved since she just added a whole new person to the world.

Speaking of, Miriam Edith Barton was born at 3 in the morning. She came into the world screaming and covered in someone else's blood. So in that respect, she's a lot like most of her family on a given Wednesday back home.

I never actually bought into that whole parents thinking their babies are perfect thing, but...yeah. She is pretty damn flawless.

How the heck did I help make that.

phil.

Well, you possibly helped make that, but the point stands.

She's so tiny. What if I break her?

jess.

You are amazing and I love you so much.

francis.

So, how's it feel to officially be a big brother?

My water just broke.

So, Clint, if you could come home, that would be great.

Ugh. Cold.

[James]
So... hey. The swimming lessons have been great and all but... do you think we can maybe postpone them a little. Just... you know... something's come up.

[Parents]
I need to talk to someone. Dad maybe. Who has the most Captain America noticing experience?

God damnit.

I futzing hate when that happens.

Jess.

How much trouble am I im?

Phil.

So...I may have gotten shot. Kind of a lot.

Uh...do you think you could bring me some pants?

Katie-Kate.

Futzing Russians.

And futzing Barney.

Lucky's with me. You don't have to worry about that.

Francis.

Hey, kid.

Bobbi is missing. I'm trying to not think about what she's going through. It's not really working.

I either need a drink or to punch someone.

The stores already have their back to school sections up. Don't we have, like, another month before we're forced back into those child prisons?

I'm bored and in need of entertainment who wants to hang out?

So. Trapped in an alternate dimension. Must be the summer time.

I'm Franklin Richards, I know some of the Avengers are here?

So I was thinking about Tommy's stupid post and how people kind of liked it. And then I found this post and figured whatever.

Malia Hale has a reputation for a remarkable talent at intimidating people. Additionally, she possesses the power to read the memories of others, however she must speak words of power to do so. Malia Hale is known for her marvelous knack at fighting in the dark and she is able to communicate with sloths in any language. She resists assailants wielding an accurate stinger that also grants a startling combat sense and she developed the talent to make hats appear from nowhere. Lamentably, Malia Hale is infamous for being woefully unskilled at seduction.

Given the circumstances, I gather I've been pulled in to some sort of parallel dimension. Is that the case with everyone here?

My name is Maria Hill. Should that mean anything to you, I'd like to meet and discuss our current situation.

Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. DAD. DAD!

Mom?

I have your attention, right? James is going to, I don't know, sleep over for a few days? Is that what we call it? Sleep over?

( aou spoilers...just to be safe )

[Nat's boys]

Movies Friday?

This definitely isn't home. I don't suppose someone can tell me what's going on or show me around? I would've asked the nun but I already had to ask her to set this device up so I could use it. Tablets are a little lost on me.

Okay. This was... not what I was expecting?

seven questions:

1. does anyone have a roommate as hot as mine (hint: no)
2. does this remind anyone of their college days??
3. where are we?
4. who here knows my favorite song (don't be shy!!) no one cares shhhhh
5. what's good here to eat?

So, Francis.

Don't panic if you go into the spare room and see a large nuclear spacebomb.

That's just Vladimir. Apparently he showed up while we were out. Try not to get too existential with him. He's got some issues with depression. He's been doing better though. He and Lucky are getting along. Apparently he likes dogs.

...My life is really futzing weird.

By the way? Jess? Vlad's here.

Magical town in Maine, huh? Well that's something you don't hear of everyday.

Clint, I'm blaming you for this one, mostly because Fury isn't here, otherwise I'd blame him.

Actually, I'll just blame Fury. You get a free pass for today.

So, anyone want to spar? Shooting's all well and good, but (gasp! yes, Katie-Kate, I'm still me), but I could use a good workout.

Jess, you're not allowed. Whenever we spar, we just end up making out and nothing gets done. And now our son is traumatized

Volunteers? Anyone? I'm bored.

Well I know who I'm blaming for this.

Who does everyone else blame?

Things may have been easier when all I had to worry about was a homicidal robot.

This was not my fault.

I just want that out there before the others get here. If they're here. I hope they are. Avengers Assemble?

Does anyone know where I can buy some clothes? My suit is cool but is not really made for prolonged wear.

This is the first time in my life where I am grateful for the mucking about in my genetics my dad did.

Today I have:
- Gotten tired on a run.
- Tripped on the run.
- Had to have Clint help me carry groceries

And I have a bruise.

Now I'm grumpy and I want a bath. I miss my powers.

Hello, Storybrooke! Nice little town here, I gotta say. Very picturesque. Seriously, it's giving me warm feelings for some hot chocolate right now, even if it is a billion degrees out right now.

Now before, I forget my manners, introductions. I'm Janet Van Dyne, Avenger and fashion designer extraodinaire. Also, speaking of Avengers, I saw some names on this thing that looked pretty familiar to me. Hi guys!

Ah, magic portals, no. At least this place exists, I guess.

Now, in news not related to mocking an American icon and well-respected senior citizen...

We're going to be doing a cook out in the park to celebrate the fourth of July and Steve's birthday. Everyone is welcome. There will be burgers and hot dogs and barbecue and plenty of sides and desserts, but feel free to bring dishes to share. It's going to be pretty relaxed. Just a way for people to get together and have fun. I'm told the town does fireworks, so we'll be hanging around to watch those in the evening too.

Feel free to come join us. It should be a good time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU ARE REALLY FUCKING OLD!

Guess this applies to both, but I mostly meant my Steve. I mean, I assume the other Steve is also a hilariously tragic cliche of AMERICA.

Open letter to the boy dating my son:

I'm not going to make idle threats about killing you if you hurt him or break his heart. For one thing, I'm pretty sure Frankie can handle that himself. For another, I'm pretty sure threatening teenagers is illegal or something.

I'm just going to point out that I have a lot of arrows that do a lot of different things. And I don't miss. So just take that as some food for thought.

Lordie, lordie. Look who's 40! Nobody's said anything yet, and since the day's almost over, I thought I would let everybody know so they can get in on the playful teasing.

Our very own Clint Barton just made it to 40 years old. Congratulations on not-dying! Or, you know, dying and then getting resurrected because magic. Either way.

Everyone is always bored or missing people on this thing. Including me. So screw it.

Top five people in town you'd sleep with. Everyone tell me theirs. (I don't care if they're married/dating/into the wrong gender/from a world where they're actually a rabbit. It doesn't have to make sense.)

No picking people who aren't here anymore, because then it's not as funny.

As far as portal trips and orientations go, I can't complain. Storybrooke seems like its used to handling a little oddness. To those I don't know yet, I'm Steve Rogers. Regardless of the circumstances, I'm looking forward to making your acquaintance.

Avengers, I was told some of you were here. Check in?

Well...

This is rather unexpected. Now to find whomever was childishly toying with the spell. I don't suppose anyone could just tell me...

So. I think everyone just needs to chill for a bit. It's practically summer. Who's up for a beach party/picnic?

FILTERED TO 616 Clint
So, I was reading Francis's entry about Holidays and was thinking we should do something for him and Torunn for Easter. I mean, nothing huge or anything but maybe some candy? I don't know. I've never actually celebrated it but they deserve some fun. What do you think?
/FILTERED

Storybrooke natives, I hate to sound negative about your town since you've all been fairly lovely to us but eventually spring does come right? I am freezing cold and currently am wearing Clint's coat I stole. I'd like to fly but I'm afraid I'd catch a cold.

FILTERED TO PHIL
You guys okay? I saw Bucky's comments about SHIELD.
/FILTERED

I need to go get groceries. And I think fill out an application. Spider-Woman: From Avenger to Cashier

Okay. So how many holidays are there and wasn't a smaller one just celebrated not too long ago?

You know, I've fought gods and the Phoenix force and Doombots and aliens. I've even died before.

But I've never faced anything as horrifying as a teenage boy's bedroom.

Seriously, Francis. Do the piles of dirty clothes and junk in your room have defensive purposes? Are they there to attack people who invade your room?

Clean it up or...I don't know. You're grounded. Or something.

If it weren't for Clint I would've gotten the hell outta Dodge a lot sooner.

So...that was a thing. And this is a thing. A real thing. Good to know.

I'm not making sense.

Futzing hell.

I think I need a doctor. I'm sort of bleeding...everywhere. And I can't

Barn? Please please tell me you're here Jess?

This just in, space still sucks.

I really thought this place was a hallucination. I mean, fairytales? It should be a hallucination. I'm glad it's not

Who's still here?

Jess is gone.

I'm not really sure what friends she had outside of people from home, so this seemed like the easiest way to let people know.

I wish I could say I was surprised by this, but it's pretty par for the course

( Natasha - 616 )

How are you settling in?

I know this place is pretty weird, even for us, so I figured I'd check.

( Carol )

Hey.

I know you don't remember everything, but you and Jess were friends and...want to go grab a milkshake or something? I could honestly use a friend right now.

( Francis )

Looks like it's just you and me, kiddo.

( Katie-Kate )

Love sucks. Want to shoot things?

So, say a guy has two lady friends that he really likes. He was in love with one, but for... reasons, they were separated. During this separation he became good friends with the other lady, and they went on a date, and it was really nice, and he was starting to fall for her. But now the first gal is back and the guy still loves her, but he also still has feelings for the other gal.

What does a guy do in this situation?

Hypothetically.

Asking for a friend.

( private to peggy and jemma )
I think the three of us should probably talk.

I should probably warn you that this was not a good time to kidnap a Black Widow.

So, to recap.

My older brother is a kid.

My girlfriend is a teenager.

And my son is an adult.

I think I'm getting a headache.

( Loki - MCU )

Please refrain from having sexual relations with my son. Yes, I know he's age appropriate now and inherited my good looks, but in a week or so he'll probably be back to being jailbait and everything will be incredibly awkward. So just do yourself a favor and don't sleep with him.

Well, this is strange and new and not at all disconcerting.

To whoever owns the metal vehicle of strange shape that is colored like a slightly rotted tomato, I apologize for the dog. There is a lot of new territory and he has strong opinions on how much marking is needed to make it his own.

A young woman named Jessica has just fallen out of the sky, and seems confused about it. I blame the absurdly tall buildings nearby. Neither of us are quite sure what to do about the plummet, though she seems unconcerned about the buildings.

The woman who greeted me - not the one who fell on my head, the one who showed me this device - said there were others I knew here? So ... hello?

Still a better welcome than Kirkwall.

If I'm reading this note right then this is the exact opposite of what I wanted. Thanks a lot, magic.

Teenage me had awful hand writing.

[May Parker]

The note also says I should check in on you and have you join me in cursing my Barton luck.

Clint? Where'd you go? We have to get home now. Dad's going to kill us if we're not back soon.

Rumor has it that there are SHIELD Agents and Avengers here. Please be able to tell me if it was at all worth it I hope it's true.

This is FormerAgent Sharon Carter, also known as Agent 13. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be dead.

So. Uncle Barney may have been arrested for solicitation. I'm more confused than before.

[Loki]
I have a couple of questions for you:

Are you a Skrull?
What's a Skrull?
Do you have any connection to the Russian mob?
Did you make out with my dad?!