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So, I'm in love with Sydney Sage. We've been dating for the past couple of months, actually. And yeah, Sydney's human, and not just ANY kind of human, but an Alchemist. I realize that both the Moroi and the Alchemists think this is basically the most disgusting thing ever, but that is such hypocritical bull shit it literally makes me want to punch someone in the face. I mean, where the hell did our half-vampire, dhampir friends originally came from then? Oh, right, FROM MOROI AND HUMANS HAVING SEX! I know, I know. How crass. Biology is so scandalous.
HOW does it make any sort of sense that this would have been okay if you plopped us in the 14th century, but now it's like, totally taboo and "wrong" and blah blah blah. Makes no sense.
Well, let me tell you something. I really don't give a shit. What are "my people" going to do anyway? Sneer at me when I come to Court? Wow. I'm so terrified. Most of them think I'm a joke anyway, so I'm sure everyone would just be like, "That Adrian Ivashkov's really pushing the envelope this time, huh? Shameful", like all I'm trying to do is make some sort of statement or get people's attention or something. Well, I'm not. I really love Sydney, and why wouldn't I? She's smart and interesting and a good person and she just so happens to be beautiful on top of all of that. She's a better person than I am, and she makes me a better person. I'm so inexplicably happy when I'm with her. There's no one else I'd rather spend time with or talk to. So how can anyone tell me that's wrong or unnatural? It's not like we forced this. It just happened, it's just how we connected- isn't that the very definition of natural?
What I do care about is how the Alchemists feel about all this, since that's what has real consequences. We knew the risks, but it seemed so distant, so theoretical. Sometimes I feel so disgusted with myself for being so reckless, like the rules didn't apply to us. But I really don't know what else I could have done. It was selfish of me to keep pursuing her when she knew better and tried to do the smart, safe thing. I feel really guilty about that. Still, even knowing where it ends up, I can't honestly say I'd go back and do anything differently. I feel kind of horrible for that, for not doing everything I could to protect her- which would really have been to just stay away. But maybe the bigger issue is that I shouldn't have to. This shouldn't be such a risk. It's wrong and close-minded to persecute for something like this. We weren't bothering anyone. It didn't affect anyone's lives. It wasn't any of their fucking business.
HOW does it make any sort of sense that this would have been okay if you plopped us in the 14th century, but now it's like, totally taboo and "wrong" and blah blah blah. Makes no sense.
Well, let me tell you something. I really don't give a shit. What are "my people" going to do anyway? Sneer at me when I come to Court? Wow. I'm so terrified. Most of them think I'm a joke anyway, so I'm sure everyone would just be like, "That Adrian Ivashkov's really pushing the envelope this time, huh? Shameful", like all I'm trying to do is make some sort of statement or get people's attention or something. Well, I'm not. I really love Sydney, and why wouldn't I? She's smart and interesting and a good person and she just so happens to be beautiful on top of all of that. She's a better person than I am, and she makes me a better person. I'm so inexplicably happy when I'm with her. There's no one else I'd rather spend time with or talk to. So how can anyone tell me that's wrong or unnatural? It's not like we forced this. It just happened, it's just how we connected- isn't that the very definition of natural?
What I do care about is how the Alchemists feel about all this, since that's what has real consequences. We knew the risks, but it seemed so distant, so theoretical. Sometimes I feel so disgusted with myself for being so reckless, like the rules didn't apply to us. But I really don't know what else I could have done. It was selfish of me to keep pursuing her when she knew better and tried to do the smart, safe thing. I feel really guilty about that. Still, even knowing where it ends up, I can't honestly say I'd go back and do anything differently. I feel kind of horrible for that, for not doing everything I could to protect her- which would really have been to just stay away. But maybe the bigger issue is that I shouldn't have to. This shouldn't be such a risk. It's wrong and close-minded to persecute for something like this. We weren't bothering anyone. It didn't affect anyone's lives. It wasn't any of their fucking business.