ladyofshadow (ladyofshadow) wrote in weiss_kreuz, @ 2007-08-01 12:01:00 |
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Current mood: | amused |
Current music: | Under the sea... |
Entry tags: | crawford, farfarello, fic, ladyofshadow, nagi, schuldig, schwarz |
Schudariel’s Desire
Title: Schudariel’s Desire
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Crack, complete and utter crack (with song parodies)
Word count: 1,763
Summary: If Weiss had gone Disney and merged to create a modern take on The Little Mermaid. Our red-haired hero (Schudariel) pines for his dark-haired prince (Braderic). Our hero’s sidekicks, Naounder and Farbastien, do not approve – especially when the dastardly villain (Ursafumi) enters the picture.
Note: Written for a challenge community.
“AaaaaAAAaaah.”
A mystical voice sang into the night, piercing the ear drums of all who heard its call. Weiss-gulls, intent on denying the dark garbage of the world their tomorrow, winced at the cacophonous din.
“AaaaaAAAaaaAAh!!”
“Schudariel! Stop!” Naounder held his hands to his ears.
Farbastien sighed and shook his head. “I tried me best to teach him how to sing yet he still sounds like an anchor scraping along the ocean floor.”
“I’m not that bad,” Schudariel huffed. He leaned against the privileged balcony and sighed. “Why must godfather prevent me from wandering the city alone? I want to see how the foreigners interact. I want to see the other embassies. It’s not enough that I can only hear their thoughts. And, of course, there are the thoughts of my one true love that are out there! I whisper to him every evening and he responds. I only wish that I could go to him!”
“Ye know what your father said,” Farbastien said sternly, leaning beside him. “That hair of yours will stick out and you’ll be noticed straight off by anyone else with a talent like yours. He’s just wanting to protect ye and he’d not appreciate anyone taking you away.”
Schuldig huffed again, “but I’ve collected all their thoughts…”
He puffed out his chest and started to sing:
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them thinkin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - shoes!
Flippin' your hair, you don't get too far
Legs are required for sexing, dancing
Strolling along into a - what's that word again?
Hotel
Down where they walk, down where they run
Down where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
Naounder cut him off. “Are you suggesting you just want to go down there to mess with a person’s mind and get laid?”
“Well, that’s a bonus,” Schudariel said with a wicked grin.
“That’s hardly moral,” Farbastien said, “besides ye’ve got it much better here.”
Farbastien cleared his throat and sang:
The water is always brighter
In somebody else's pool
You dream about going down there
and for that you are a fool
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the upper floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more are you lookin' for?
Balcony suite
Balcony suite
Darling it's better
Up where it's wetter
Take it from me
Down on the streets they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Balcony suite
Naounder winced and cut him off. “Can you both please not sing???”
Schudariel waved Farbastien off, ignoring Naounder completely. “I rather like the swimming pool up here and all the amenities, but I want something more exciting! I want to get dirty! Really dirty!”
“You already are,” Naounder muttered, casting an eye at certain magazines peeking out from Schudariel’s mattress.
Farbastien threw his hands up and stormed off, intent on having a talk with Schudariel’s godfather about his predilections.
“There has to be someone who can help me!” Teardrops flung from his eyes like pearls. Schudariel’s cell phone interrupted his dramatic wail and he read the text message that chirped at him.
Come to the science lab. <3 Ursafumi.
“Well, that’s an unusual coincidence and rather creepy,” Schudariel murmured. “Oh well, I’m on my way!”
Naounder finished stuffing his ears with cotton and relaxed against a chair. Now he’d never have to hear their damnable singing again.
Schudariel gulped nervously as he approached the science lab. He wasn’t sure why precisely godfather financed Ursafumi’s research. He spoke ill of his work, but never seemed to be able to get rid of the man. The door hissed open before him and he stepped into the lab.
“Ahh, Schudariel, you’re radiant as ever, do come in!”
Schudariel hesitantly navigated various tubes of glowing liquids, arriving to a particularly cluttered lab table. “You texted me?”
“I did,” Ursafumi smiled. He finished applying lip balm and pocketed the sticky substance. “It is my understanding that you wish to go down by the regular humans. But, your talent would only give you difficulty down there.”
“My talent, you know about my singing!”
“Uh…no dear,” Ursafumi said. “I know about your other talent.”
Schudariel absently covered his sensitive area.
“No! No! Your other other talent!”
“Ohhhh,” Schudariel said. You mean this one.
“Yes, that’s the one,” Ursafumi said, licking his lips, “you do project after all.” His tongue lapped up the lip balm. “And for its price, I can help you go down among the people.”
“You can do that?”
“My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for. To help unfortunate telepaths like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to. I admit that in the past I've been a nasty. They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a madman.
But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways. Repented, seen the light, and made a switch,” he extended his arms and preened. “To this.”
A cage in the corner started to shake uncontrollably.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing, nothing at all,” Ursafumi said, kicking it. “Now where was I, ah yes - I fortunately know a little science. It's a talent that I always have possessed. Poor unfortunate souls. In pain, in need: This one longing to be thinner, That one wants to get the girl. And do I help them? Yes, indeed. Those poor unfortunate souls.
So sad, so true. They come flocking to my lab crying, ‘Help, Ursufumi, please!’
And I help them! Yes I do.” He smoothed his lab coat and leered, “so do we have a deal?”
“What’s the catch?”
“Should you go down there, you can never return up here again,” Ursafumi said. “I will take your telepathy away from you and you will earn your Prince’s love on your own. You won’t have all the luxury you have here, but, you will have your man, heh heh.”
“But…he only recognizes me by my telepathic signature!”
“Bah,” Ursafumi said. “You have your looks, a pretty face, and body language to die for. Come now, make your decision, I haven’t got all day. I have many more exper-…eh, projects to work on to, erm…to help the destru- uh, betterment of mankind.”
Schudariel became lost in his own thoughts, unaware of the Ursafumi’s blatant snarkiness. If he had but peeked into the scientist’s mind, he would be running for the door. Instead, he fantasized about the honey-sweetened mind of his beloved, wondering just how endowed he was below the belt…
Ursafumi cleared his throat. “Ahem, Schudariel, you’re drifting.”
“Sorry,” Schudariel blushed. “Do what you need to do; I will give up what I have to in order to be in the arms of my beloved.”
“Good,” Ursafumi said. He placed what looked like a space helmet over his head and handed similar to Schudariel. “Put this on.”
Schudariel placed the machinery over his head and winced as a buzz of electricity echoed in his ears. Voices ricocheted in his skull and it felt like thoughts were being prying out of his head through a straw. Ursafumi’s maniacal laughter merged with the buzzing and blackness filled his vision as he fainted.
When he awoke, he found himself lying on a park bench. “Ugh, I have a headache.” He stretched and paused, amazed at the silence. He leaned back and closed his eyes, smiling at only hearing the wind in the trees.
“Wunderbar!” He pressed his fingers to his lips. Ursafumi didn’t tell him that he would revert back to his native language. “Scheiße!”
He could still understand a variety of other languages he learned, but this was going to make things difficult. He sighed and took a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. He had the address of his beloved and headed in that direction.
Braderic delicately wiped at his glasses in a princely manner as he descended the elevator to the ground floor. He had been having restless dreams of late, his mind-lover always whispering naughty nothings to his subconscious. He had a vision last night that his lover would appear before him, but unless he heard the voice in his mind, he was ready to dismiss the voice as nothing but a fantasy.
A red haired vixen, nay, man stood before him as he exited the elevator. “Guten tag!!”
Braderic blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Sprechen Sie deutsch?”
“I’m sorry, the German embassy is down the street,” Braderic said brushing by him. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he stared at the man. “What?”
“Ich liebe dich! Ich bin Schudariel!”
Braderic froze at the name. “You’re Schudariel? You don’t sound like him and if you were him, you would speak in my thoughts.”
“Bitte, Braderic,” Schudariel pressed his lips against the man.
Braderic gave a muffled cry of protest, but found himself entranced by the brazen man. His smelled of cherry blossoms and formaldehyde, the latter confusing him beyond reason, but he decided to concentrate instead on the subtle taste of honey in the man’s mouth. He pushed the man against the wall and pulled away. “If you’re really Schudariel, then all those things you told me you’d do for me, all those things you said you’d let me do – prove it.”
“Jawohl!”
Braderic looked to the elevator and then back to Schudariel. He was intrigued by the fiery foreigner, so he took him to his apartment. Work could wait another day.
Meanwhile, back at the lab, Ursafumi clawed at his head, distraught by the number of voices that were in his head. He flipped on the listening device he placed in Schudariel’s cell phone and growled, “Curses! He’s faster than I ever expected! I must take action.”
He threw a decorative scarf over his lab coat and headed out, cell phone locator in hand.
Braderic reached down to caress the German, pleased at the hardness he encountered. Pushing him out of the elevator, into his private suite, he claimed Schudariel’s mouth, delighted at the moan he elicited from the mysterious man.
Schudariel arched beneath Braderic’s touch, panting hard at his roaming touch. He could feel Braderic’s arousal pressed firmly against his own. “Du machst mich ganz wild,” he said breathlessly.
“I think I like it when you talk like this,” Braderic smirked. He undid Schudariel’s pants and pushed him against the bed, straddling his body.
Braderic…Braderic, can you hear me? The one you’re with is not me.
Braderic stopped and looked around. “Schudariel?”
I’m coming up the elevator, my beloved.
“Braderic?” His noticed the elevator numbers rising to stop on their floor. The figure that approached made his heart stop. “Ursafumi!”
Braderic, come to me. I am your love.
“Halt’s Maul!” Schudariel struggled to hold onto Braderic’s hand as he walked toward the mad scientist in a trance. Tentacles of thought were reaching out to the endangered coral of his lover’s mind. “Nein!”
The elevator doors closed, but then reopened behind the unaware scientist. Farbastien glowered and flexed the sharpened weapons in his hands.
“Ursafumi, ye’ve gone too far this time!”
He leapt from the elevator doors and with one fell slice, ended the scientist’s influence on mankind forever.
Schudariel gasped as his mind was flooded with awareness and his throat tingled with power.
Braderic blinked away the scientist’s fog of influence and stared at the huge bloodstain on his floor. “Ah, so that’s why I stocked up on cleaner.”
“Terribly sorry for the mess,” Farbastien said, dragging away the body. “Take care of the lad for me.”
Braderic…
Braderic turned and smiled to his love. “Schudariel…”
“I love you.”
“And I you,” Braderic said. He walked to the German. “As happy as I am that you’ve recovered a language I speak, I rather enjoy it when you speak German.”
“I’ll have to remember that,” Schudariel said coyly.
They embraced, tangling into each other’s bodies as their love crashed against the shores of desire.
---
German/English Translations:
“Guten Tag!” – Hello!
“Sprechen Sie deutsch?” – Do you speak German?
“Ich liebe dich! Ich bin Schudariel!” – I love you! I am Schudariel!
Bitte – Please
“Jawohl!” – Yes!
“Du machst mich ganz wild.” – You make me crazy (wild).
“Halt’s Maul!” – Shut the fuck up!
“Nein!” – No!
(Courtesy of http://www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/medita
Disney Lyrics borrowed from:
http://www.stlyrics.com/c/classicdi