Rolling In The Deep In less than two months Joella would turn twenty-one. In less than one month she would move into her first house. She was moving abroad, transferring to the Holyhead Harpies and embarking on a brand new adventure. It was all very exciting and unexpected.
It was daunting too but Joella felt ready for the new chapter of her life. The timing was right.
She had spent three years with the Nashville Negators and made her mark in the USA Quidditch League. Nevertheless the team had been relegated so Joella felt it was time to move on, as much as she loved training so close to home with the team she had come to think of as family.
She had also spent those three years in a relationship with Hewett Somahan. For approximately three of those years she had believed he was the man she was going to marry one day but as it turned out that wasn’t the case. The long distance phases of their relationship hadn’t made things easy. It had always felt as though they both led double lives and it was perhaps this that had caused mistrust and jealousy to seep into their relationship. Their relationship had become increasingly strained in its final months and her transferring to a British team brought it to a natural end. It wasn’t easy, letting go of someone who had been a big part of her life for such a long time, but Joella knew it was something she had to do.
It was an odd feeling, almost indescribable, and the best word Joella could think of to fit the way she felt was free, like she had nothing holding her back. Sure, she would miss her family and friends, her pets and her beloved childhood home, but she had reached a point in her life where she felt ready to embrace such a big change.
Joella made an extra effort to attend as many social events as she could in the weeks leading up to her grand departure. She wanted to make the most of her final opportunities to see all of her friends, even though her parents were throwing her a leaving party.
It was at her farewell celebrations that Joella was enjoying herself, dancing amongst her loved ones, when one partner switch suddenly had her stomach doing somersaults. Alistair. She felt as though she had done a pretty good job of avoiding Alistair Johnson for the past few years, the closest they ever got to communication being a curt nod of greeting or some small show of courtesy whenever their paths crossed. It had always seemed sad that such an old friendship had ended the way it had but Joella tried to remind herself that it was probably for the best.
But now here she was, in his arms. The feeling of his hands, bigger than she remembered, made her skin tingle and her heart race. She was sure he’d be able to feel the fast beating of her heart as he pulled her close, closer than necessary she felt. What did he want from her now, after all this time? Perhaps she was over thinking things but the way he held her now made her feel like their pairing on the dancefloor wasn’t just coincidence, but a well-calculated move on his part.
He didn’t say anything, didn’t give any explanation for his sudden desire to be close to her when he’d spent years avoiding her. Joella didn’t speak either. She didn’t trust herself, and she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t feel like there was anything left to say. Over the many years that they had known each other, Alistair and Joella had had so many ups and downs and she should’ve known that she couldn’t shake him that easily. No matter how long it had been, deep down Joella had always felt like it wasn’t over. But she was leaving now and there was no point. Perhaps it was best to leave it alone this time. They were growing up and their complicated, juvenile relationship couldn’t go on forever, could it? There didn’t seem to be a happy ending to this story, and maybe it was time they both accepted that.
Alistair eventually broke the silence, but the emotional tension hanging in the small space between them didn’t leave. “I heard you’re leaving,” he whispered, his lips so close to her ear that she could feel his breath. Joella wasn’t sure if she preferred it this way, at least she didn’t have to look him in the eye.
She nodded, again not speaking. It was almost as though she were scared by the feelings flooding through her entire body.
“I’m proud of you,” Alistair continued.
Joella wasn’t sure why he seemed to think she still cared what he thought. “Ali…” Joella pulled away from him slightly so that she could see his face.
“I know, I know you aren’t proud of me,” Alistair cut across before she could say anything more. “But you will be, I promise.”
“Why?” Joella felt at a loss for words. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“Come outside.”
Joella hesitated, but she was kidding herself if she thought she could resist those intense brown eyes. Alistair had always been her weakness and apparently that wasn’t about to change. But Joella gave herself the excuse of curiosity and allowed him to lead her outside into the warm summer night.
Alistair didn’t let go of her hand once outside, leaning back against the wall and looking at her. “Can I kiss you?”
Everything that had happened from the moment Alistair stepped in on the dancefloor had been most unexpected, but nothing had prepared Joella for such words to come out of his mouth. She stared at him in shock. “I’m leaving, Ali.” A large part of her couldn’t help wishing he had never showed up. It would have been a lot easier to leave with things the way they had been.
“I know,” Alistair spoke softly. “I’m not trying to make you stay.”
“Then why are you doing this?” Joella wanted to be mad at him, but somehow she just couldn’t. How could he show up after all this time and play with her emotions like this, just as she was about to leave him far behind?
Alistair stood up straight then reached out a hand and gently touched her cheek. “Don’t forget about me.”
Joella smacked his hand away from her face suddenly, surprising even herself. “You can’t do this. You don’t talk to me for three years, three years, and you think you can just show up like this and kiss me? It’s over, Ali. It’s been over for a long time. Why can’t you just leave it alone?” Joella spoke angrily but her feelings ran so much deeper than that and she stopped herself quickly when she felt her eyes heat up. “Why can’t you leave me alone?” She added, her voice softer and quieter. She didn’t know if she really wanted this last part but she knew it was no use. She and Alistair were history.
Alistair looked shocked and he didn’t respond for a moment, the two of them stood there staring at one another in some sort of stand off. “You know why, Joella.” When he eventually spoke, it was gentle - a stark contrast to Joella’s angry words. “I can’t let you go like this. Maybe I am selfish but you’re my oldest friend and I’m so proud of you and I can’t let you leave without telling you that. I know I let you down, but I hope you can forgive me.”
“I forgive you,” Joella sighed, trying not to show just how much his word affected her. “You just didn’t have to do it like this.” This was her leaving party and she didn’t want Alistair ruining it by stirring up these old emotions.
Alistair still seemed unphased by Joella’s resistance. “Can we just have tonight? One night where we forget about everything else and just be friends again? It will be just like the good old days. That’s all I’m asking.”
“How do you mean?” Joella frowned. She was surprised. Alistair had always seemed like the one running away from their childhood and now he wanted to go back?
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.” Alistair smiled and took both of her hands in his, pulling her closer.
Joella couldn’t help but smile back at him, looking up at him now that he was stood closer.
Alistair looked into her eyes for a brief moment and then he kissed her. It was a deep yet tender kiss that was over far too soon but Joella knew that’s how it had to be. That was it… their last kiss. It didn’t feel like closure. It left her breathless and wanting more. She had a feeling Alistair was on the same page but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to find out what could of been - he would forever be the one that got away.