A Question to Ask (collab piece with Mary's author) Tabitha’s hands were shaking and she couldn’t to get them to stop. She knew, deep down, that there was really no reason to be nervous but it wasn’t every day that you proposed.
To your girlfriend.
Who’d proposed to you at Christmas.
In Greece.
And you’d asked her to wait.
Tabitha let out a small groan as the thoughts bounced around in her head. If she’d have just said yes, then she wouldn’t have these problems. Why hadn’t she said yes? Of course, Tabitha knew the answer to that and, when not being an intense bundle of nerves, she knew that the decision she had made had been the right one. It was just that she had poured her heart, mind and soul into planning the evening and wanted everything to go perfectly. Perfect was what Mary deserved.
She breathed in deeply, locking eyes with those of her reflection. “Pull yourself together, Tabs…” she hissed at herself. “It’s just Mary, who you love and who loves you and who you want to marry and she wants to marry you… maybe. Hopefully. If she hasn’t changed her mind…”
She spun away from the mirror, realising that what should’ve been her personal pep talk was very quickly spiralling out of control and she needed something else to focus on. Lying on her bed, was a square black box and Tabitha picked it up and opened it, revealing the delicate silver chain and locket nestled in soft red velvet inside. She’d had it specially made and the silver had come from her collection of occamy eggshells, wanting to contribute something from her life into the piece. The locket itself was heart-shaped with a simple red ruby set into the middle and surrounded by delicate and intricate swirling designs. Tabitha thought it would suit Mary. She just hoped that Mary herself would love it and think the same.
She snapped the box shut, set it down and turned back round again, refusing to meet her reflection’s eyes and instead looking over her outfit. The blouse she’d selected for the evening was made from a shimmery and silver fabric and had delicate ruffles attached to the v-neckline and she’d paired it with a pair of dark blue trousers. Her coat she’d also had specially made for the night, wanting something to commemorate it (provided it didn’t end in disaster) and was ankle-length with an upturned collar. It was the same dark shade as her trousers but had been delicately stitched with silver, creating small pinpricks to imitate a dark, starry night sky. The entire outfit had been finished with a pair of pristine dark blue heeled boots.
She’d let her hair grow over the past year of teaching but it was still short, barely brushing the tops of her shoulders. It currently fell in soft ringlets around her face, her fringe swept gently to the side. The Defence professor wasn’t particularly one for makeup or jewellery but, for the night, she’d painted her lips a dark red and she had fitted an ear cuff to her right ear - the silver dragon that currently gripped the contour of her ear had been a good luck gift from Darius who was the only one who knew what she was planning to do tonight. There had been many letters exchanged and many private floo calls as the Grecian man aided one of his closest friends - no, a member of his family - into planning the perfect proposal.
Tabitha looked the part of a confident woman who was going to propose. She had everything she needed. Except for her nerves which seemed to have completely abandoned her. She’d be less nervous facing a Hungarian Horntail. That was hungry. That was very, very hungry.
She drew in a shaky breath and turned to her dressing table, picking up the letter she’d handwritten. It was the first of the ones that she’d left for Mary to find - along with a rose for each one - and they would in the end, lead Mary to Tabitha. She had been preparing the entire afternoon and evening. She turned to Ailuros who had been sitting quietly and patiently by the door of Tabitha’s bedroom and she knelt down to stroke the young kneazle, smiling softly.
“Will you take this to Mary, please?”
She gently attached the letter to Ailuros’ collar and gave the furball another stroke on the head before the kneazle trotted away to find her other owner. Tabitha sucked in another breath. There was absolutely no turning back now.
***
The sight of a certain tabby kneazle wandering the halls might've amused the students. Mary hadn't checked. She was a bit grateful that Ailuros’ tendency was to explore widely enough that only the most observant of students or staff would've noticed she predominately resided in Mary’s and Tabitha's rooms. However, even that was becoming less important now. Their relationship had progressed to a stage where Mary was feeling more ready to be open, although she thought it best to remain private from the students. She wasn't sure whether it would be best to tell the Deputy Headmistress first, before she found out another way, or last, so it would be put off until both teachers were too much a part of Sonora to have any concerns about.
These thoughts were occupying Mary as she sat at her desk, peering out the window. Her dress was deep red, the same as she'd worn before, and the warm color made her feel like she was enjoying a seat by the fireplace despite the far colder reality so close to the glass.
Ailuros’ approach didn't really catch her attention, even when the creature hopped uninvited into Mary's lap. The woman was used to such treatment and began absentmindedly petting her when her hands found something unexpected: an envelope.
Looking down, she saw Tabitha's neat handwriting and smiled to herself. This was a clever trick and she wanted to keep it in mind for future.
Mary opened the letter and gave Ailuros a grateful scratch under the chin. She normally gave letter-bringers owl pellets so she faltered for a moment, considering, before picking up her wand.
“Incendio,” she said, lighting the actual fireplace in the room and smiling at Ailuros. “Go enjoy your spot.”
When the kneazle had purred and jumped down, walked across the room, and curled up on the floor in the heat with a furry plop, Mary opened the letter.
Dear Reader,
Would you please do me the immense pleasure of joining me tonight? I have left clues all over Sonora for you to follow. They will lead you to me. I hope you don’t keep me waiting too long, my lovely Reader.
Your first clue will be found in the place we first met.
Forever yours,
Writer
Mary stared for what must have been a long time. She read the letter once and then twice and then again. It seemed like such a simple thing but it was new and Mary wasn’t sure if the unexpected was to be expected with Tabitha, or if this was something different. Her stomach seemed to shrink in on itself as her chest swelled and she read the letter again. She wasn’t sure how many times it had been.
There were too many things that stood out to her to be sure what exactly marked the letter as special. The fact that Tabitha was waiting for her at all was special by itself as it meant that something was planned but not urgent or an emergency. That seemed to bode well for a good evening and a welcome break from the chaos of end-of-term teacher duties. The other was the fact that it was a scavenger hunt, which made sense if Tabitha was waiting, but still seemed either extremely flirty or extremely dangerous, depending on the Defense professor’s mood. Mary supposed it could also be both.
Your first clue will be found in the place we first met.
This stood out the most to Mary. It revealed sentiment and, more importantly, that Tabitha cared enough to remember. She knew that, of course, she wouldn’t have proposed, or sort of proposed maybe, to her if she didn’t think the affection was mutual. Michelle hadn’t been a poor girlfriend but she also hadn’t had the same depth of feelings as Mary had. That didn’t bother Mary anymore. She’d actually considered writing to Michelle now that she was in a better place and a bit more willing to talk, but she hadn’t quite gotten to it yet and wasn’t sure what Tabitha’s reaction would be, either.
Mary got to her feet without thinking. She was going to follow the letter’s request, Tabitha’s request, and she knew that without having to think. It seemed so funny now, after everything that had happened during her first year as a teacher and after the years she’d spent at Sonora as a student, to spend time going to the staff lounge.
She distinctly remembered meeting Tabitha there her very first evening as a teacher, and so many cups of hot chocolate, long nights, and desperate hunts for morning coffee (or, in Tabitha’s case, tea) had occurred there since. Of course, the first time she’d met Tabitha there, she’d been in all the fluster of getting lost. Her navigation abilities had improved massively.
On the small wooden table between two familiar plush armchairs was a perfect red rose and an envelope like the first one, again bearing Tabitha’s handwriting. Mary smiled as she picked both up, wondering what Tabitha was going to do next. Mary was half certain she was walking into a trap and that Tabitha would be disappointed when she found out how gullible she’d been in what was so clearly the plot of a dark wizard, but she figured it would be better to be trusting and wrong than suspicious and wrong. Plus the rose smelled nice.
Picking up the envelope and gently breaking the seal, Mary pulled the simple note free and read it. She was less thorough than the first time, but the impact was still heavy. The note was kind and genuine and more loving than Mary had ever hoped to find in a letter written to herself.
Dear Reader,
I cherish the day we met for it was the day that would be the start of many more beautiful and wonderful days with you to come. You have given and shown me love, trust and support and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I wouldn’t trade that day for anything in the world.
Your next clue will be found in the place feasts are held.
Forever yours,
Writer.
Mary laughed aloud when she finished this letter as she was suddenly quite convinced that it was indeed Tabitha leaving them. Who else would think to leave such a mysterious clue as ‘the place feasts are held’ to guide her to the feast hall? Still, it was adorable and Mary’s heart beat a little harder as it swelled with pride.
She gathered herself and made her way to Cascade Hall as she considered Tabitha more closely. This was a woman who was practical above most else, daring in the extreme, and deeply insightful when it came to hands-on solutions. She had a better control of magic than most people Mary had met and she could draw the details of various creatures by memory. She could meet a creature and recognize it from the vast literature she’d read, or identify its traits by what she understood of the natural world around her.
Tabitha Hawthorne was not the woman to write love letters and setup scavenger hunts. At least, not the Tabitha Hawthorne that sat with Mary on her first night as a professor at Sonora, offered her tea and a polite social distance. Mary wasn’t sure whether she could take credit for any of these changes in Tabitha’s character, or if she’d even simply brought out those traits that had already existed.
Instead, as Mary pressed her hands against the doors to Cascade Hall and pushed hard, she decided that Tabitha had indeed been this same person all along. Mary was only discovering new sides to her, just as she had done every day since the beginning. She fluttered at the thought.
Cascade Hall seemed just as vast as always, with cascades of water drumming silently along the walls and crystal chandeliers dissolving rainbows of light into brushstrokes of pure sunshine. Mary knew she was feeling poetic, the hopeless romantic she usually kept tucked deep inside herself was being fed and wanted to come out, but she didn’t care. It was a blissful thing to be so deeply in love with someone who loved her back.
She made her way to her usual seat at the front of the room, appreciating the empty routine of it all. This was the walk she made every morning before taking her seat beside Tabitha and enjoying a meal, a conversation, and some stolen glances. If she was lucky, she’d also steal a brief squeeze between interwoven fingers. They always reminded her of lace.
The third letter was resting between their two seats, a place Mary distinctly remembered because they’d first brushed hands there as they sat together at the Opening Feast and laughed about how grateful they were not to be facing the whole school alone this first time. A rose as perfect as the first and a note as heartwarming greeted her and she was surprised to find herself opening the latter with nervous fingers.
It was nearly explicit now that there was something special about tonight, but Mary didn’t want to think too much. She had no desire to pressure Tabitha into anything and getting her thoughts hooked on any one idea would certainly mean unfair pressure on Tabitha if they turned out to be headed the wrong direction.
Taking a breath and enjoying the momentary thought of her girlfriend’s Thoughtful Face, Mary proceeded.
Dear Reader,
Cascade Hall is one of my favourite places in Sonora. It is where I get to eat with you every day and see your beautiful face. I love seeing you first thing in the morning, your wonderful smile giving me strength for the day to come. I love having dinner with you while we talk about our day. These are some of the things that I hope continue for a very long time.
Your next clue lies where we taught our first lesson together.
Forever Yours,
Writer
A shiver ran down Mary’s back and she blushed as goosebumps rose on her arms. It seemed like a lot to assume that Tabitha wrote her words with as much analysis and careful meaning as Mary was reading them, but she couldn’t help noticing the similarities in their lines of thinking. Which, of course, played ironically into the next destination in Mary’s adventure. It was that very lesson on the mind and defense that had started a deeper reveal of each of them to the other.
Mary tried not to think of the particular memories that hurt so much and focus on the love and admiration that had been revealed, or perhaps even realized, during the following days. It had been powerful to experience such intimacy and Mary couldn’t help being amazed by the way everything moved from that first night they met to the next moment and onto each until they arrived at this point. It had seemed like such a chaotic year but really, it all sort of made sense that they were exactly where they were now.
Breathing one last mouthful of the crisp Cascade Hall air, a very different feeling than when the room was full of students and teachers and food, Mary pressed into the entry hall and towards the Defense classroom. It was a familiar location for lots of reasons, but Tabitha possibly being there even now made Mary make her way there just a little faster. She’d made it through several clues already and any one of these adventures could get her to the arms of the one person she wanted to see most. It was like eating a bowl of cocoa puffs: each bite brought a delicious crunch of chocolate cereal, but it was the chocolate milk at the bottom of the bowl, the sweet goodness left by each little step along the way, that was the real prize. Mary felt a bit silly using such a metaphor but thought Tabitha might approve of being compared to breakfast food, so she didn’t worry.
In fact, nothing at all could have made her worry just then, other than the intense feeling that everything in the world was exactly right.
The room’s familiarity accosted Mary with nostalgia as she entered the Defense classroom. She remembered the faces of students in this room clearly, the memory of co-teaching with her secret girlfriend as clear as the day she did it. There were a number of important memories in this classroom. She liked to think of Tabitha in three ways: the woman at the desk, the woman with the wand, and the woman in the stars.
Tabitha was often to be found sitting at her desk, poring over papers and drawings like the ones that littered the area now as Mary approached. Quills and ink stains were prevalent, more than a few born of Mary and Tabitha knocking some pots of ink over in their rush to steal a kiss. The woman with the wand was Tabitha at her most dangerous, ready to ward off a dragon, a boggart, or any number of other creatures. Her eyebrows would be down, her jaw would be locked, and Tabitha would be even fiercer than usual. Then there was the woman in the stars. The Tabitha who kissed softly, loved deeply, and danced to the music of two gentle heartbeats. Mary had fallen thoroughly in love with the woman who embodied them all, and she breathed in the scent of warmth and richness. It might’ve been dark chocolate or a strong Scotch, but was softer, like roses. It was Tabitha’s scent and suited her uniquely.
Amongst the letters and notes scattered around Tabitha’s desk, and sitting very close to the charmed globe Mary had given her for Christmas, was the next letter.
Dear Reader,
It is within this room where I came to the conclusion that I wanted to share every part of myself with you. You have been inside my mind, seen every dark corner and you still accept and love me. I do not know what I have done to deserve such a wonderful woman as you.
Your next clue is found where we had our first dance.
Forever Yours,
Writer
Time seemed to move a bit differently as Mary made her way from the room. Or perhaps Mary herself was. It seemed to take much too long to reach Tabitha’s rooms and to find the door unlocked. It was ages of wanting and wondering before she finally found the next letter, perched on the gramophone there. But it seemed only to take the span of a single breath. Breathing in the Defense classroom with the same taut lungs that carried every new professor into lectures, and breathing out the taste of wine and late nights together in Tabitha’s room.
Mary took the letter with a growing sense of anticipation. This was becoming more comfortable and she smiled at the similarity to other aspects of her relationship. Whatever adventure their relationship started as was now as comfortable and safe as the sun’s path through the sky. At the end of the day, a burning ball of gas in dangerous proximity to the earth had scorched its way into the nighttime horizon, but it was right, warm, and beautiful.
Mary opened the envelope. Dear Reader,
My favourite times of the week are when we are in the privacy of each other’s rooms. Being professors, we have to be discreet and it is within our private rooms that we can be together without worry. It is these private and intimate moments that keep me going throughout the week. I am addicted to you.
The next clue is to be found at the start of the maze.
Forever Yours,
Writer
Mary laughed aloud upon reading this letter. Tabitha Hawthorne, the woman who would’ve told everybody at Sonora about their relationship if Mary hadn’t insisted on privacy, secretly appreciated it all this time. The woman who had seen for herself the horrors and beauties of the maze that had become their sanctuary at Sonora was setting it as the venue of something special and beautiful. Mary decided again that her comparison to the sun was apt: Tabitha burned her way through the world, setting fire to the grey and dry and lighting the world with colors unseen before. The flicker of light in a dark sky, the woman in the stars, waiting in the sunny evening maze.
Hoisting her skirts and dashing from the room, Mary let her laughter fuel her as she ran through the halls. Her feet snapped along the floor. Her heart thudded in her ears. Her own laughter, a sound once so unfamiliar, forced air into her lungs and a smile to her face. Her braid was coming loose and strands of ink tumbled around her shoulders.
Warm spring air carried the scent of grassy sunsets as Mary pushed open the entry doors and stepped outside. The Labyrinth welcomed her with a hug of twisted hedges. It didn’t take Mary long to find the letter there but she paused before opening it entirely, one finger catching in the flap.
She took a moment to examine the note. Something made her think she wouldn’t be the same person she was now the next time she laid eyes on it. She would be whoever it was that would exit this maze, not the woman entering it. She drank in the neat handwriting, the thick parchment, and the way it all felt against her fingertips. She breathed the last lungful of air that she’d breathe as whoever Mary Brooding was now.
Then she breathed out. Dear Reader,
This is the final letter. Thank you for taking the time to find each one and read them. The words found upon the pages were not written lightly. I felt it important that there be some kind of physical proof as to just how much I care and how deeply I love you. I came to Sonora and met you as a broken woman with a shattered soul and it is with your kindness, patience and love that I have been repaired. I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a selfless deed. This final clue will lead you directly to me. I am waiting, my dearest Reader. I am waiting for you.
I am to be found in ‘our spot’ under the stars.
Forever and always yours,
Writer.
Mary smiled. This one was easy.
She retrieved a quill and parchment from her pocket and began writing before making her way into the Gardens.
***
While Mary had been following Tabitha’s trail of letters and roses, Tabitha herself had been outside in Labyrinth Gardens, attempting to occupy her nervous thoughts by decorating the surrounding area. She was a bundle of nervous energy and had nearly talked herself out of the whole thing while she’d been lining the marble edge of the fountain with candles. She’d been muttering anxiously to herself and had checked her pockets for the necklace several times while scattering rose petals of varying shades of red and pink along the path that led into the area. She’d angrily berated herself for being so nervous as she’d lit several floating lanterns which were bobbing quietly up and down along the hedges.
She was absolutely certain that the prairie elves thought she was completely mad as they’d brought her a picnic basket of sweet treats and a bottle of champagne. Tabitha just hoped that there would be cause to open it.
She let out a small groan, rubbing a hand over her face. She’d never known herself to be this nervous, like there were a lot of frogs hopping around in her stomach and making her rather feel like she was going to be sick. She knew that she wanted this, more than she’d wanted anything else before. She loved Mary and was completely certain that she wanted to spend the rest of her life married to the wonderful, beautiful woman. She was pretty sure that Mary wanted the same thing, especially since she’d proposed to Tabitha at Christmas. In theory, there shouldn’t have been anything to cause Tabitha any worry.
Except there was.
Because there was always the possibility that Mary could say no.
***
Dear Writer,
I love you to the moon and back. I love you through every volume of our journey together. I love you forever.
My answer is yes.
Reader
It was forward to write her letter before knowing for certain why Tabitha was summoning her to the Gardens after such a scavenger hunt, but it seemed likely. If nothing else, she could hold onto the letter and laugh about it someday with Tabitha. Hopefully.
Mary stepped into the Gardens with a freer sense of pride than she’d felt for most of the rest of her life. Whether tonight was the night she gained a fiance or the night she spent in the Gardens with her beloved after an eventful year back at Sonora, it would be lovely.
When she found Tabitha looking all aflutter and quite beside herself, she wasn’t surprised by the butterflies that filled her stomach. Truly, whatever happened, this was perfect.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Mary said, sidling up behind Tabitha. Ailuros was there, too, which mildly surprised Mary as she was sure the feline would’ve preferred the warm fire to the cold night. The thought made her skin prickle as she realized there truly must be something happening if Ailuros wanted to be a witness to it all. “You’re so clever,” she added to them both.
Mary looked beautiful. That was the first thought that Tabitha had as she turned around to look at the woman. The knot of anxiety was still there in the pit of her stomach but, looking at Mary and seeing her smile and hearing her voice, Tabitha knew that no matter what the answer was, she wanted to propose to this woman. That Ailuros was there, watching the pair of them, actually helped. The kitten was as much a part of this as the two of them and the presence of the furball was comforting.
“Thank you for following my letters,” Tabitha began softly, reaching out to tuck a loose lock of Mary’s black hair behind the woman’s ear. “I meant every word.”
She lowered her hand to take ahold of Mary’s, gently stroking her thumb across the woman’s knuckles. Mary’s hands were now as familiar to Tabitha as her own, after having spent many days and nights holding them, committing every callous, crease and freckle to memory. They were warm and comforting, very much like Mary herself. Tabitha loved to hold them.
Tabitha lifted Mary’s hand to her lips to press a gentle kiss to the back of it before smiling softly. Her eyes locked with Mary’s kind ones and she knew that she didn’t want to waste any more time.
“I am struggling to find where to begin,” Tabitha started, trying desperately to force her nerves aside and focusing on what was far more important - Mary and the love that they shared. “There are only so many ways that I can say just how much I love you and I fear that I may have run out of them. Nevertheless, I will make it my mission to make sure that you never forget just how much you mean to me.”
Tabitha could feel her heart thumping in her chest, her mouth was running dry. A small tremor travelled through her to her fingertips, almost certainly giving away her anxiousness to Mary. She let go of Mary’s hand and moved her own to her pocket in a bid to both hide the tremble and reassure herself of the square, slim velvet box that rested in her coat.
“I do not know what I have done to deserve you in my life. I was and still am a reckless woman with perhaps more than a small addiction to the dangerous. I do not trust easily and am completely hopeless with people. I consider myself to be unworthy of your love and affection but I find myself needing it desperately and given that I am also unbelievably selfish, I can only swear to try and become a better person for you as I am unable to give you up.”
Tabitha paused here momentarily to swallow thickly. She knew that Mary probably knew exactly what was going on and the question that needed to be asked was burning on her tongue. She inhaled sharply before continuing.
“I wish to spend the rest of my life with you. I do not wish to ever be parted from you so, with that in mind…”
Tabitha gently pulled the velvet box from her pocket and lowered to one knee. With trembling fingers, she opened the lid of the box to reveal the silver heart-shaped locket that lay nestled in its cushion of red. It instantly caught the light of all the candles around, making it shine. Tabitha’s eyes focused intently on Mary, flickering with fear, hope and love.
“Mary Brooding, would you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife?”
Mary’s first instinct was to laugh, not because any of it was funny, but because it wasn’t. Because Tabitha Hawthorne, a woman known as much for her love of the dangerous as her love for the adventurous, was also known for her love of the academic. Today, she was all of those people. She was the woman who had sat in the library with Mary, who had sat in bed with Mary, and had sat in Greece with Mary. She was perfect, and the whole idea was beautiful. It made Mary laugh, and she was grateful it came out as a cheerful giggle and not something heartier that might’ve made Tabitha feel self-conscious.
“The honor is mine,” Mary said. She hardly had to stoop to kiss Tabitha, even with the taller woman on her knee, but Mary did anyway. In fact, she pulled the woman with her as she knelt on the ground and embraced her Tabitha. Her fiance. “I love you,” she said simply. “Yes, I will be your wife, if you’ll be mine.”