An eventful non-event It was neither Christmas nor New Years, just an ordinary December evening in the week between that was often lost in preparations. But it was a time that all schools paused, which lifted the availability of all primary, secondary, and collegiate students. Therefore, the Manger siblings were all free for a gathering.
It was Desiree Kent who organized it. Sharing the middle spot of the even-numbered brood with Arnold, she was perhaps the most curious about her siblings, especially the oldest two, whom she knew the least. Her first introduction to both Sally Manger and Asher Hill had been less than ideal - the former at the side of their father’s dead body, the latter at the man’s funeral - and since then, they had spoken so little that she was fairly certain she could count their interactions on one hand. There were some things she knew, pieced together from both things her parents told her and what she’d garnered from her siblings (Sally, Arnold, and Jake were the “main family”, Asher’s mother a brief fling, and her and Eden products of an ongoing affair that eventually became a marriage) but there was so much she still longed to know. She had known Ross Manger all her life and until the end of his, but everyone told a different story. Desiree needed all of the perspectives. Who was Ross Manger?
The tales ranged. Sally and Arnold swore he was an awful bastard. Jake seemed hesitant to label an opinion (or even discuss the matter). Eden loved him more than anything in the world. But she thought it was perhaps Asher for whom she felt the worse, as he had never known the man. He had no opinion of his own on which to build. He had to take their word, but when the words conflicted so, it had to be difficult to sift through it all.
Desiree had enough trouble on her own, having known him and still not knowing what to think. She’d never been terribly close to him, perhaps because she was conceived and born in the thick of his marriage to Jamie, but she struggled to picture the man Arnold described to her. Their father was deeply flawed, as evident by the circumstances of half his children’s existence, but was he the type of monster they said? He had been so different with them.
In any case, she knew better than to ask too many questions of the trio of full-blooded siblings. Desiree had to gather information now by screening through accidentally dropped hints, the moments that the baggage came up in conversation. And of course, she wanted to get to know them for themselves, too. It still felt odd; she had always known about Jake, Arnold, and Sally, but they weren’t around, and she had always lived the role of the older sibling to Eden. With Asher in the mix as well, now, it was strange to actually be a little sister.
So it was that the fourth-born gathered her siblings to her apartment in Portland. She was on her own this year - no roommate - with room to spare, and while tidying up solo was a bit of a chore, it did provide her the freedom to host whatever sort of party she wanted, a fact her sorority sisters seemed to deeply appreciate. However, tonight, the place was free of all traces of such extracurriculars except for her Gamma Fi letters on the wall, painted in pink and black zebra stripes, a gift from her Big, Gina.
Her apartment was, she showed Arnold proudly, much bigger than the one he shared with Collin and Smitty. He was second to arrive after Eden (Mom had dropped her off pretty early so she could settle her things, as she was spending the night), so there was time for a quick tour. Soon after, the others arrived, Sally and Jake together, and Asher a moment later. She couldn’t help noticing the way each carried their wand on their person. Asher’s poked casually from the back left pocket of his jeans, and Arnold’s did the same but on the right. Sally tucked hers behind her ear for a time, then later hide it away in her purse for long-term safekeeping. Jake tended to hold onto his or else stick it in his front pocket, as if he was afraid to let go of it, a habit she had never noticed before. And Eden, who had been permitted to keep hers during break in case of emergency, noticed and emulated Sally’s ear-tuck position. Desiree felt a pang of jealousy in both a familiar and unfamiliar way: the former for the wands, and the latter for the way the youngest sister looked at the oldest.
* * * * *
The evening went on fairly uneventfully, with intermittent spells of laughter, conversation, and pauses, as it went when people got to know one another. It did not matter that these particular people shared genetic material: some of them were still virtual strangers. No one felt this oddity more strongly than Asher. At least his half-siblings had the benefit of a full-blooded sibling or two as a comfort. But he had always been a lonely child, and now he was a lonely adult in a room full of family he barely knew, his older sister and four younger siblings.
Asher found himself in somewhat comfortable conversation here and there, especially with Sally, whom he had met first when he had arrived at their father’s funeral. She was not warm, nor was she very open, but oddly enough, she was somehow still very accepting. Showing up like he did, Asher hadn’t known what to expect in terms of the existence of siblings, let alone their temperaments. They could have been furious about their illegitimate brother, although fortunately(?) it became clear he wasn’t the only product of an affair. He doubted Eden really understood much about the circumstances, but at least he and Desiree were together in their illegitimacy.
And it was Desiree to whom he currently spoke, having paused together in the kitchen when both of them entered in pursuit of beverages. Asher himself was partial to the adult variety, but there were none to be found. “Hiding the good stuff?” he teased as he peered into her refrigerator.
“There’s an eleven year old sleeping in this apartment tonight,” she stated plainly. “Don’t want her getting into anything by accident. All the good stuff is hidden in my bedroom.” He chuckled lightly, and she joined him in the laughter. “I’ve got a good amount of soda, though.”
“So you have,” Asher smiled. He pulled out two cans: one a Pepsi, the other Coke. After shutting the fridge door, he extended both in her direction. “Pick your poison.” Desiree thanked him with a head nod and took the Coke. “Huh,” he commented. “Would’ve pegged you for the Pepsi person.”
“It’s too sweet for me,” Desiree refuted. “I just got it because I know Jake likes it.”
“Now that doesn’t surprise me,” said the oldest brother. “What about the others? Have you got everyone’s preferences memorized?”
Desiree thought about it for a moment. “Well, Eden likes Dr. Pepper, but if I let her have more than one can in a night, our pa-” She caught herself, a somber look sweeping over her face. “Our mom would have a fit,” she amended in conclusion.
Asher frowned. The air was still with quiet for a moment, so thick it was almost palpable. “Look, I… I don’t want to be a downer or anything, but if you could… I don’t know, tell me about him sometime? I’d really like to know what he was like.” It was a dangerous inquiry to make, one that Sally had told him to avoid asking, but he needed to know who his father was. It was something he had needed for a long time, but personal experience with the man was never an option. At least, not in time. “If it’s too hard, though, I understand.”
“I don’t know anymore, honestly,” said Desiree without a moment’s hesitation. “He was really good to Eden. Apparently he wasn’t so good to to his first wife, or to their kids. He was always pretty neutral on me. I don’t know what to think about him.” She pulled the tab on the Coke can, as if the release of the fizz might somehow help alleviate the tension. “Arnold says our father was a monster, but I don’t think that was true. I think he was just a man. A deeply flawed, potentially disturbed man, but a man nonetheless. But I really, really don’t know.”
For a moment, Asher considered this information. “Thank you,” he said at last. “That’s… helpful?” He blinked. “I mean, I know that doesn’t sound like I mean it, but I do. It’s more than I can get out of anybody else. I just… I want to know, you know?”
“Yeah,” she replied with a sad little smile. “I know.” He looked at her with a similar expression to her own - sad in its nature but perhaps a little hopeful at the comradery - until she broke the eye contact by returning to the refrigerator, emerging a moment later with a Dr. Pepper. “What Mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It can’t be that much sugar, right?”
With slightly more eager smiles - perhaps a little faked for the other siblings they would soon see once more - they returned to the living room. Arnold and Eden sat at either end of the couch, with Sally in the middle. Asher and Desiree glanced around for Jake, eventually catching sight of him for a moment as he turned a corner down the hallway. There was a decent chance he was just headed to the bathroom, but a glance between the two confirmed each other’s suspicion: something was up.
“I’ll go,” said Desiree, handing her brother the pop intended for their mutual baby sister. Asher nodded and rejoined the main group, squeezing in between Sally and Eden, as she went after Jake.
* * * * *
He loved his siblings. All of them. Asher was a good guy, Desiree was a wonderful young woman, and little Eden… Jake felt an immediate pull to her from the moment he first saw her. He had another little sister, his mother’s daughter Peyton, and he loved her dearly, but this felt different somehow. Maybe because he had been there from Peyton’s earliest days, whereas he didn’t have such a luxury with Eden. Jake was not horribly protective - Arnold had that field covered, really - but having missed out on so many years of Eden’s life, he thought he must just learn to be.
But sometimes it was just a little too much, sitting between siblings as if their lives were normal, as if he hadn’t taken their father away. His half-siblings believed what the world believed: that Arnold had done it. Jake knew better, and he remembered it every time he looked down at his hand, at the finger that had pulled the trigger so thoughtlessly. He was probably the only Teppenpaw to ever take a life.
He hadn’t meant to. He knew that did count for something. It was an accident, a misunderstanding of Muggle weaponry. Jake didn’t know they could have that much power, that they could hurt so much. He just wanted his dad to stop hurting Sally. That was all he had wanted for a long time: for him to stop hurting the family.
Jake excused himself in the direction he assumed the bathroom was, not to utilize its facilities but just to escape for a few minutes, to catch his breath and have a moment to himself. However, he noticed the door to Desiree’s bedroom wasn’t quite ajar, and his blue eyes landed on something that caught his attention: a keyboard. Without thinking much of it, he went inside to get a better look at it.
He sat at the desk chaired pulled beside it, as if it had been played recently, or at least more recently than the desk had been used. Carefully, he laid his fingers on top of the keys without actually turning it on, his fear of being in trouble outweighing the urge to create. Jake stretched his fingers and played in melodic silence, pressing keys that made no sound in the order of a song he remembered.
“Is it a habit of yours to wander into your sister’s room and start messing with her stuff?” Jake jumped, looking up frantically. Desiree stood in the doorway, wearing a smile. “I don’t know how Sally put up with it all these years.”
As she walked over to him, his mouth dropped open, ready to spew a stream of desperate apologies. However, she could read his face, apparently, because she cut him off, laughing slightly. “I’m just kidding. It’s fine. I thought you might be interested in that keyboard. Arnold told me you play the piano. I was thinking about getting it out later.”
“You play too?” he fumbled nervously, relieved she wasn’t upset but still a bit thrown off by the surprise of being followed and discovered.
“I dabble,” she answered modestly. “Taught myself, though, so I’m not very good, really. It’s fun, though, to have the keyboard around when I need to step away from homework. Or just from, y’know, the world.”
“Yeah.” Jake sat still, staring down at the keys and at his hands. He felt a shifting of weight on the chair - Desiree sitting gingerly on the edge - and another hand came into view, soft and feminine, closing in. It sat on top of his and gave a light squeeze, and slowly, he looked up at the face of its owner. They looked nothing alike, both images of their mothers, but the blood they shared hid underneath. And he couldn’t take it.
He rocketed to his feet and moved passed her, lucky not to knock her or the keyboard over. “I’m gonna go pick up another pizza,” he announced as he reentered the living room, rushing immediately to the apartment door and sliding his feet into his shoes. “I’ll be right back.” And with that, he was gone, not bothering to even grab his jacket off the hook.
Arnold and Sally both rose from the couch, and Desiree, having followed back to the living room, took a step toward the door. “I should go,” Arnold said, giving a glance to Sally, who nodded and sat back down. Arnold quickly put on his shoes and coat, grabbing Jake’s on his way out.
* * * * *
A momentary silence followed Arnold’s exit and the second slam of the door. Asher and Desiree both seemed confused and concerned. Eden was a different sort of confused, because she didn’t really understand what was going on, additionally oblivious in her youth. But Sally knew. Sally understood.
“Was it something I said?” The voice that broke the silence immediately stole Sally’s attention, especially as she realized it was directed to her, from a very nervous looking Desiree.
“No, I doubt it was you,” the oldest comforted limply. No one would have ever accused Sally of being soothing, and her reassuring words lacked much of the tone one might associate with them. It had taken a long time to get a grip on the emotions thing, and even now, she occasionally skimped on the sympathy. She simply thought that the words spoke enough for themselves that she didn’t need to overdo any sort of sentimental intonations.
“What’s going on?” asked the tiny voice of the tiniest Manger. Sally turned around to face Eden in her spot on the couch and saw the worry on her face.
“Nothing,” Sally reported, sitting back down beside her. “Everything is fine. Jake is just a little tense. It’s nothing. I promise.” Although not necessarily the most physical person, she placed a hand on Eden’s shoulder. For a child, she could manage a bit more… more.
To her surprise, Eden adjusted a little, leaning against her and settling there. Sally, unsure what to do with her hand now, ran it gently over top of Eden’s head. It felt surprisingly comfortable, natural even. The Aladren alumna had never been very physical with any of her siblings before, minus what affection a small Jake had forced on her before learning about personal boundaries, so it was a change, for sure. She exchanged a look with Asher, who laughed quietly to himself and offered her a light shrug. Sally did not notice what expression Desiree wore.
* * * * *
“Jake! Jake!” Arnold called after his brother. He had sprinted through the apartment building and finally caught up outside.
Jake stopped dead and spun around. He was not in tears, but he did seem rather close to it. “What?”
“Well, first of all,” said Arnold. “It’s December in Portland. You need this.” He held up the coat. Jake nodded weakly, and Arnold helped him into it. “Now, what the hell happened?”
“Nothing happened,” Jake conceded as they resumed motion, walking slowly side by side. “Everyone’s great. I just.. It’s so hard, Arnold. I feel so guilty. I don’t know how long I can keep this up.”
Arnold reached over to touch his brother’s shoulder in an offer of support, his hand concealed by the glove he had just produced from his pocket. “I know,” he said softly. “We’re in a… a weird situation. But nothing was your fault.”
“It wasn’t yours, either,” Jake countered, slipping out from under Arnold’s hand. He stopped walking. “Why did you and Sally cover it up like that?”
“To protect you,” Arnold answered simply. The self-defense plea had, in the end, worked out, but in the heat of the moment, the two Aladren alumni had seen all potential outcomes, and, terrified of the worst possible future that could have laid ahead for their younger brother, they had acted in silent understanding. Jake was too sweet to survive in prison.
“You didn’t protect me from this!” Jake practically shouted, icy tears spilling onto his cheeks. “At least if they knew it was me, I wouldn’t feel like this! I will always have the guilt of actually doing it, but now I’ve got this on top of it! Eden barely speaks to you, and you know that’s why. But she loves me, and I’m the one that took him away from her!”
Arnold peered around quickly but thoroughly. Fortunately, most people were off campus this time of year, and it was no weather for open windows. “Jake…” he began slowly. What could he possibly say? There was no fixing this. “I’m so sorry. Sally and I were just trying to do what we could to keep you safe. We didn’t think… we didn’t think there would be anyone around us to miss him, but then Desiree and Eden and Asher happened, and the whole thing became an even bigger mess than it already was. We just didn’t want you to go to prison for doing the right thing.”
“Was it the right thing?”
The older boy blinked. “It saved Sally’s life. I’d call that the right thing, collateral damage or not.”
“Collateral damage?!” Jake shrieked. “Look, I’m absolutely glad that Sally’s okay, but sometimes I just want to be selfish. What about me?!” Realizing what he said, his hands flew to his mouth, as it covering it would take them back. But he couldn’t take it back. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “That sounds terrible. It’s just that… I don’t know. It just hurts so much. All the time. And I don’t know what to do anymore.”
In the silent moment that followed, it occurred to Arnold that they were in fact standing around outside in late December. He watched the fog of Jake’s breath mingle with the air while thought about his answer. Nothing came. “...Me neither,” he conceded at last. “But, hey, for now, how about we just go get that pizza?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Jake replied. He started walking again without regard to Arnold joining or not. Arnold took a moment, watching him go. Memories flashed before Arnold’s eyes, but his conscious thought dried up. Then he reminded his legs to move, and he walked.
* * * * *
Arnold and Jake made it back eventually, more calm, a bit chilly but hands warmed by the pizza. They had gotten two and, strategically, decided to each carry one, a plan of Arnold’s invention but Jake’s extreme gratitude.
“Hey,” said Jake weakly as he placed the box on the table. “Sorry about, uh… y’know.” Hands free, he shoved them deep within his front pockets sheepishly. “I guess I was hangry.” It was a lie - he wasn’t all that hungry - and it occurred to him that before last summer, he was pretty sure he’d never told a lie in his life. Well, maybe a lie of omission by covering for Sally with Braxton, but that was different. It seemed like actively lying was his way of life now.
“No worries,” Desiree responded, her smile only slightly forced. She was a little quick on the draw, and a less emotionally/socially stunted crowd than the Manger siblings might have picked up on it. Of course, she didn’t account for the fact that one of the adults here - the only other one who didn’t share his last name with anyone - was a bit more well adjusted. His facial expression escaped her notice, but hers did not escape his.
Eden had fallen asleep against Sally, and the oldest sibling shook her gently. “Hey, Eden,” she called softly, “Jake and Arnold are back. Do you want some more pizza?” Eden yawned, one arm stretching while the other hand rubbed her eyes. She didn’t speak yet, but she nodded her head. “Would you get her a piece?” Sally asked Asher.
Once the hungry were fed, the evening resumed normalcy, or the closest a ragtag group of siblings like this could manage at this point in their lives. It was weird and sometimes awkward, but then again, what family wasn’t, really? And that was what they were, for all their oddities and flaws, their deceptions and jealousies. Whether they expected it or not - whether they liked it or not - they were family.