The worst part about Lowell being dead was that she remembered everything leading up to it. She remembered the physical intimacy she thought she'd never experience again. She remembered that it was her fault Lowell died trying to kill the man she'd been unable to. She remembered how Lowell confessed his love for her.
She continued to sob into her hands. Rationally, she knew it was stupid. There was nothing she could do about it here. Whether she was in Seattle or not, there was nothing she could do to repair the relationships with Peyton or Major, nothing she could do to save her brother, nothing to do about having no more cure for the zombie virus.
In a way it was better she was in The City and unable to experience the full fallout of her actions. It didn't feel better, though.
"There's no way to make a cure..." she started. It was the easiest part of her memory flash to discuss. "...I remember. I remember things that happened to me in Seattle after I got here. I don't know how. There was a cure. It wasn't just the Utopium responsible for the outbreak. There was an energy drink company, Max Rager. The company knew there side effects..."