InsaneJournal

RP: Ernie and Megan
Who:Ernie Macmillan and Megan Jones
When: Sunday afternoon 5/7
Where: St. Mungo's Spell Damage Ward
What: Ernie gets to leave and Megan has to stay.
Rating: PG-13 for Megan's mouth, as usual



He knew he shouldn’t be, but Ernie was genuinely scared of leaving the hospital. He’d spent the last few days salivating over this moment, but now that it was here, he wanted to cower in his cubicle. There was... it sounded so bloody vain in his head to say that he didn’t want to be stared at and he didn’t want questions, but he could hardly make the adjustment himself. Now he’d have to project confidence, a casual acceptance, optimism. At least he was better prepared now to do so than he was earlier in the week.

Having to Switch on his clothes (moving his right shoulder was still out of the question) meant that there was no tie to wear around the collar of his crisp white shirt and bury under the pale blue knit jumper he wore over it. He touched where it should be anyway, then touched his pocket to make sure his wand was securely there, along with the pocket-sized journal. Not much left for it but to wait.

Rather than sit nervously, he made his way over to Megan’s curtained area. It was drawn, which was a bit strange, so Ernie announced himself quietly, in case she was sleeping.

Megan wasn’t sleeping, but she was lying in her hospital bed more still and more quietly than she would normally be. Whenever she was cooped up in the hospital wing back at Hogwarts, she was restless, so antsy to leave that she usually ended up being scolded by Pomfrey for trying to get up and out of bed far before she was ready. Now, though, Megan wasn’t so eager. The potions pumping through her veins were dialed back as of the day before and while she didn’t mind the overall ache and nausea - the physical pain, the mental onslaught of actual raw emotion over everything that happened had taken its toll on her, leaving her apprehensive and coping, versus the numb acceptance she’d had while doped. She didn’t like feeling so weak, so she’d opted to keep the curtains closed today.

She turned her head when she heard the curtains move, though, and gave Ernie a small smile when she saw him. She was propped up a bit more than she had been initially, and both her arms were now usable, even though her left wrist was still in a brace. Her breathing was much less labored too, her lungs finally patched up.... but there was still the consistent soft pinging of the charm monitoring her heartbeat. Megan lifted a hand in greeting, clearing her throat a bit. “‘ey roomie,” she said amiably.

“Hey,” he replied, giving her a half-smile as he stood, framed by the edges of the curtain. He closed them neatly behind him and walked over to the bed. She looked a mess; Ernie didn’t need two eyes to see that. The tone of her voice said it all. It was the sort of mess that he could empathise with.

“Dialed back your pain potions?” Ernie inquired sympathetically as he pulled the folding chair on the wall to set it near her bed.

With a grunt and a small cringe, Megan forced herself up a bit on her pillow and exhaled slowly as she relaxed again. “Yeah,” she started, and took another deep breath. “I feel like someone took a fuckin’ blender to me insides, but, that’s not so bad...” What was bad is suddenly having to acknowledge the fact that Susan and Lindsay were gone, and that the healers were still unsure of whether or not she would be able to participate in vigorous physical activity ever again. It seemed cheap to worry about since she was lucky to be alive... but it left her at a loss, nonetheless.

“It’s... I dunno. Like yeh said. Clarity,” she admitted, watching him take a seat next to her.

“Clarity,” Ernie repeated, looking a bit downcast at the bed frame. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” he admitted with a grimace. “But. I’m not sure the alternative is better. Got to deal with all sometime.”

It was so easy to fall back into this rhythm. He didn’t know what it was that made him able to be clearer and calmer in the face of Megan’s issues and panicked and depressed about the same thing internally. Some pointless stubbornness, some random ability to compartmentalize, something.

Megan nodded with that, sighing. “Nah, I know. I ‘ate potions, actually. Yeh know that? Never once took pepper-up or that shit. Why I don’t like pain potions either. Besides the whole, bein’ a stubborn bint. I don’t like feelin’ nothin. Gettin’ hurt, part of the game, feel alive at least.... but they tell me I’d be screamin’ if I could feel what’s been goin’ on inside o’ me, so some potions it is.”

She paused, bringing a hand up to rub the temple near her stitched up brow. Apparently the ability to filter her thoughts was still a bit beyond her grasp.

“What’s going on inside of you? I mean... is something moving?” he asked, one eyebrow knitting towards the bandage as he peered at Megan’s stomach under the covers. “Blenders are those things you make milkshakes with, yeah?”

“Uh yeah, with the blades, milkshakes, smoothies, soup, whatever,” she informed him before following his gaze to her stomach and resting a hand lightly on the covers. “But yeah. Movin’. Well. Healin’, mostly, by now. Was movin’ at first... got uh... twisted up? Made ‘em bleed on the inside? So they’re re-situatin’ and muscle’s growin’ back and linings and stuff.” She wrinkled her nose, feeling a little light-headed thinking on it, even though she normally wasn’t easy to disgust. “Sorry. Gross.”

“Brutal,” was Ernie’s reply, wincing a bit. Then he paused, considering the sudden thought that popped into his head.

“If it’s genuinely shifting, you should have Ian put his hand on your stomach next time he comes and tell him it’s his. The reaction, I’m sure, would be pretty hilarious,” Ernie valiantly attempted to joke.

Megan’s brows lifted and the corners of her mouth turned upward appreciatively. “‘e’s worried enough, yeh git,” she told Ernie with an amused exhale. Shaking her head, she studied him a bit more carefully now, gaze moving over his bandages. “Speakin’ of blenders... ‘ow’re yeh doin? Up an’ about an’ shit, yeah? Lucky.”

“I suppose,” he said automatically, the amusement of having actually said something funny immediately wearing off. He still didn’t feel wholly lucky.

“I’m not sure I’d envy me.” Ernie paused and sighed. “In fact, I’m not sure that I don’t want to trade places with you.”

Nodding with some understanding, Megan didn’t begrudge him feeling that way. There was a reason her curtains had been drawn. “I know, mate... Only gets more real when yeh walk out that door, huh.” The tomboy pressed her lips together in thought. “Still, doin’ somethin’... startin’ the whole ‘dealing’ thing might be better than lyin’ here stewin’and bein’ scared of what it’s like, aye?”

Ernie still couldn’t nod his head in reply but he had the look about him that agreed with, thought it was more because he thought he should agree with her. “I hope so. I do get carried away. It can’t possibly be as bad as I think it’ll be.”

But the words rang slightly hollow. “Just supposed to be another few weeks anyhow. Supposedly.” He’d just have to keep avoiding mirrors until then. He could do that.

“I saw your Mum. She’s looking well,” he said, changing the subject away from his weakness.

That lightened the unsure frown that had started to form on Megan’s face and she looked interested. “Yeah... yeah, guess the safehouse wasn’ so bad,” she said, looking a bit relieved on the subject. She had missed her mother terribly, even more than she’d realised what with her father being the one dying and then trying to stay strong for Ian and others. “They can’t stay too long at one time - bein’ Muggles. And now they’re tryin’ to put home back together, I guess.” She glanced at Ernie curiously. “Where yeh stayin’, mate? Once you’re out. Justin’s?”

“Yes. At least until I get things sorted out. A job. My own place. That sort of thing. He’s really very kind to offer - Neville did as well, but Mrs. Longbottom is already taking in Audra and I shouldn’t like to overwhelm the household. Besides... Neville snores something awful.”

It wasn’t remotely close to the infinite reasons he’d preferred to go with Justin, not least of which was the publicity surrounding Neville currently, but it made the edge of his lip curl in humour.

Megan was peering at him closely and she started to grin, then quickly tried to keep a straight face. “Yeah,” she said nonchalantly, stretching her arms out in front of her. “Me guess is ‘e’s not as good a snog either, aye?” she commented casually, completely unable to help herself.

The comment took Ernie so far off guard that for a moment, he wondered if his brain had just skipped, like a needle on a gramophone. “Pardon me?” he requested, peering curiously at her.

And at that, Megan’s attempt to be casual fell apart and she snorted, winced, and then grinned up at him. A genuine grin, affectionate, and a bit cheeky. “Yeh realise yeh weren’t exactly... in complete privacy yeh know,” she told him, pressing her lips together so as not to laugh.

If Ernie didn’t have half of his jaw fixed into position by bandage, it would have hit the bed frame on it’s way down to the floor.

“What?” he asked in a timid squeak of a voice. Oh no. Oh God. Oh no. Oh no. Oh God. Everyone saw him. Everyone saw him completely melt down and. Oh God.

Oh God, what if someone told Audra...

“Ernie,” Megan said quickly, for as much as she loved giving her friend a heart attack, she didn’t want him to genuinely think the world was about to end. “For fuck’s sake, take a breath,” she told him sympathetically, reaching over to pat his hand even as she snickered. Her voice was low enough no one outside the curtains would overhear. “Look, I think me an’ ‘annah were the only ones who saw, cause we were excited to see Justin too. And it’s okay. I mean, Justin’s pretty much the biggest pouf to ever pouf, so no surprise there but...” She raised an eyebrow and shrugged. “Me boyfriend’s shagged a bloke before. I’m all open-minded now. No judgin’ here.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that about him? I don’t see it -- that’s not the point.” He pursed his lips tightly. “You didn’t. You didn’t overhear anything...?... look, you can’t tell. Anyone. Not -- not anyone that’s going to get back to Audra.”

Megan almost looked offended he’d even have to ask. “Ernie, mate... when ‘ave I ever given away somethin’ like that. ‘annah and I won’t say shit, okay? I mean, I gave Justin a bit o’ crap but, that’s just takin’ the piss, like usual.” She cocked her head and her expression was much less amused and now rather soft and understanding, considering. “An’ we didn’t hear what yeh two said. That’s between the pair of yeh. Besides...” her cheeks had started to color slightly. “Not like yeh’d say anything ‘bout what you’ve overheard with me dictaquill an’ all.”

“Not unless you wanted me to talk to Ian about it,” Ernie amended her statement, starting to relax a bit.

“We just saw, stared, and then tried to mind our own business.” She started to smirk again though, Megan not able to keep from being amused by the panicked expression on her friend’s face, as understanding as she was being. “.... yeh don’t see this as even the liiiittlest bit funny?”

Ernie exhaled a sigh of relief. “I’m just glad it was you and not Wayne. He’s going to find this completely hysterical when he... er. Finds out about it.”

He paused and looked to be deeply thoughtful for a few moments. “Can I tell you something? You have to swear it doesn’t leave the pair of us.” If she knew then... well, he couldn’t exactly tell Justin this. Megan’d be a good confidant for this.

After snorting and letting out a well-meaning laugh at the idea of Wayne’s face, Megan sighed and sobered some when he continued. She smiled over at him and nodded. “You an’ me. Got it,” she affirmed with a solid nod.

Ernie ran his fingers against the railing of the bed.

He held his mouth open for a second before the words came tumbling out. “I don’t think I can live without him.” Even as the words came out, he knew they were false. He didn’t think he could, he knew he couldn’t. “I feel like I’ve skipped this massive intermediate step and...I just. Don’t ever... really... want to be without him ever again. Ever.”

“And it terrifies me because I. Because I know what having this strength of feeling did to my mother but. But I don’t care. Even if he doesn’t quite reciprocate it, I don’t care. I never thought I’d just see the edge of a cliff and want to go off the edge anyway.”

Watching him thoughtfully, Megan found herself smiling. It was... surprising, yes. She’d had no idea that Ernie even liked blokes, but somehow with it being Justin... she could absorb it a bit better. It was Justin after all. “Yeah...” she replied quietly. “Dunno. Think it’s supposed to be a bit scary, aye? Otherwise it’d be easy.” She shrugged. “I can’t say... I mean I dunno exactly what yeh feel, mate, but... feels good to ‘ave someone to go over the edge with, I’d think,” she mused, thinking of her relationship with Ian. She loved him, to be sure, but she wasn’t declaring that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Of course she didn’t not want to by any means, but... they just didn’t make big sweeping leaps like that.

“If yeh like ‘im that much, it’s worth a bit o’ risk, yeah? Nice to see ol’ Ernie want to lose it a bit.” She shrugged again. “In a good way.”

He half-smiled, this time blushing a bit.

“Well. I hope so. My track record isn’t exactly stellar but. I think it’ll be different. I hope it will be.”

He tapped his fingertips against the arm of his chair. “Do you reckon you’ll stay with Ian?” he asked out of the blue.

Brows still raised in amusement, she nodded. “Well, yeah. Not like we feel any different now that the war’s not on,” Megan told him. “I mean... ‘e’s not gonna need me like ‘e used to do, with ‘is whole family back, but, well. Maybe we’ll get to be normal. No more worryin’ one of us is gonna kick it or be taken away or any of that rubbish.” She sighed. It would be different, but Megan wasn’t thinking that far ahead. Not about the fact that she’d be needed at the pub now, or that he’d have to go back to school in the fall without her. Nah. They had all summer. They were still focused on their luck that they’d both made it out alive.

“Yeah,” he replied, swallowing the rest of the statement. He couldn’t be sure that Ian would go back to school, but he wasn’t of leaving age like Megan. And if he didn’t’ finish his education, how would he expect to support her in the future. Oh, he was sure Megan would glare at him for that statement. She was a bit too under the weather for him to intentionally bate her.

“Won’t all be on you, now.” He leaned forward and pushed her bangs out of her face. It would be a huge change. It would be a huge change for both of them. He couldn’t imagine ever truly letting go of that urge to protect, but it wouldn’t be as urgent. As needed. How did you unwind from a year of this?

“I’ve got to come back every day, you know?”

“For ‘ow long?” Megan asked in return, not minding the little gesture of moving her hair. She probably looked a mess, but she didn’t much mind as long as was from her injuries and not from crying all over Ian earlier in the day. Bloody potions.

“As long as it takes. Two weeks, at least. Maybe more. Trying to eliminate as much potential for scar tissue as possible,” Ernie replied passively. “You’ll be out of here before they pull off the bandages for good.”

She raised a brow skeptically at that. She wanted to believe that, but, she wasn’t so sure. Still, Megan was willing to be an optimist for now. “Makes sense. Wouldn’ wanna ruin that pretty face o’ yours too much,” she teased with a slight grin. “Besides, means I won’t be completely alone in this bloody place all day. Fine by me, mate.”

“I’m sure they’ll fill my bed fast enough. You’ll have someone new to pester and annoy to your heart’s content,” he replied, left side of his smile tilting up again. He clapped her gently on the arm and stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Ern-” Megan started, grabbing his arm before he could step back, then looking a bit embarrassed before continuing. “.. yeh’ll be by. On yer visits.... aye? An’ lemme know how stuff is out there?” she asked him hesitantly. Ernie actually leaving made being stuck in Mungo’s feel that much worse, and she’d gotten used to having him around since waking earlier that week. Someone else who was almost as out of everything happening beyond the hospital walls as she was.

“Of course. I can’t promise that I’ll er. Tell you the good though. I wouldn’t want to make you too jealous. Despair too much.” He’d intended it as a joke, but it fell flat. The smile dropped out of him as he pulled his arm out of Megan’s grasp just enough so that her hand caught his. “Anything you wish me to bring in tomorrow?”

Megan gave him a half-hearted chuckle anyway. Sure, she’d be jealous, but it may have been better than the alternative, lying here in bed and feeling like nothing had really changed because she hadn’t witnessed it for herself. She still half-expected Susan or Lindsay to walk through the door to visit. “Umm... I dunno. If yeh get ahold of any of me shit from Hogwarts that yeh think I might want? Otherwise, ‘ell, maybe one of those fancy-pants books everyone’s on about since this place doesn’t ‘ave a soddin’ telly. But make it good. And excitin’ and shit.” She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled a bit.

“Maybe Justin knows if those mythical books exist,” he replied wryly.

“Don’t go mad, alright? Not after everything we’ve gone through. It’s almost over.”

Again - easier to say it to someone else, then to believe it.

“I won’t,” Megan told him with a nod and then finally let go, relaxing back into the pillows propped up behind her. “Take care, mate.”