I Resist the Muses

[Private]

Is my greatest fear discovery?

The real world finally peeking in on my deadly dark deviancy. It does have its... frightening qualities. They'd lock me up, possibly even through me on death row. The idea of death doesn't scare me. You can't do what I do and not have a simple reverence and acceptance for it. So no, discovery is not my greatest fear. It's what would come after.

The disappoint, damage, and depression it would inflict on those who care about me. My dear Deb would be devastated, and I can only imagine what would happen to Rita. And in this instance, it's not about feeling for their feelings, it's about something bigger.

Failing them. Failing myself.

And that's the true greatest fear of this neat little monster.

Failure. I have to control everything, keep it running properly, every bit in its neat place.

That's the Harry way. And Harry's way doesn't allow for failure.

Muse: Dexter Morgan
Fandom: Dexter
Words: 150

[private]

Love, that's an interesting concept. Of all the human emotions that I fake, love is the hardest. When it comes to family, I have to admit a fondness for my foster sister. But when it comes to love, to lust, I find myself... unsure. Whenever it came to sex, it usually ruined any sort of faked relationship I would have with anyone. It was over shortly afterwards, as they would see how empty I am, how there really wasn't any sort of feeling for them.

Somehow, Rita is different than those previous relationships. I wouldn't insult her intelligence, say she just can't see the emptiness. It scares me that she might see something in me. Something real, some actual human emotion for her.

It's terrifying. And I don't scare easily.

Family has always been an interesting concept for me. I'm adopted, and up until recently I didn't remember anything about my biological family. And believe me, you don't want to know what I now remember. So lets focus on my foster family. Harry and Doris, the couple that adopted me, they couldn't have cared for me better. Harry saw that I had... special needs. He knew exactly what I needed to... blossom, might be the best word. But it's been a long time since both Harry and Doris have left my life.

Now, all I have is Deborah, my foster sister. I'm very fond of her. We get along well, at least most of the time. We compliment each other. She's in homicide, I'm in the lab. It's a... team, you could say.

( Private. And Spoilers for the end of Dexter Season 1 )
Comments and RP Welcome Here

Identity crisis doesn't become me. There are not two different Dexter Morgans, in conflict with one another. There is merely one. One deeply disturbing Dexter, with layers of facade to protect me. The code of Harry, the normality that I play, they are part of me, even if they aren't what lies beneath.

Then again, what lies beneath? Beneath I am empty, naught but a dark passenger with an even darker appetite.

That is who I am.